The Beautiful Ones

Chapter 5: dearly departed.

Five days since I've found out about Nicky.
Five days since I confessed my love for Micah.
Five days since I've last seen Micah.
And five whole bloody days that I've been feeling like a corpse.
Nicky never broached the subject again and neither did I; I was too scared I'd have another panic attack, yes ladies and gentlemen trust me to have a panic attack in front of my sick and probably dying brother.
Dying.
The word resonated in my head since I woke up after my little incident.
See in a situation like this people would mistake my sarcasm for indifference towards my brother's impending fate but honestly it's the only thing keeping me relatively sane.

I was too immersed in my thoughts I almost missed the bell ringing. School was out and I was free to go home.
I made a short stop at my locker to collect what I needed and walked towards the exit.
To my utter surprise I found Micah waiting for me outside. I thought about going back inside and leaving through the back exit but before I could do anything his eyes found mine and I knew bloody well he won't let me go anywhere.
He straightened up as I neared him and opened his arms for me, and I gladly walked into the same embrace of them.
"Hey you." He whispered into my hair.
I squeezed him tighter to let him know I heard, I couldn't speak from the ball of mixed emotions that was lodged in my throat.
He silently lead me towards the passenger door and lifted me in.
He walked around to his side and started the car.
We drove for what seemed to be forever, I thought at first we were just driving to nowhere in particular but then my favourite place on earth came into view. The beach.
It was still winter and today was exceptionally cold so there was no one there. But I loved coming here in the winter; there is a certain beauty to the angry sea and the cold sands.
We got out and I walked straight to the shore line, taking my shoes of and dipping my feet in the heavenly water.
"Emmy, we need to talk." His voice was soft and caring there was no hint of anger or any negative emotion in it as I'd expected.
"No Micah we don't. There is nothing to be said."
"Yes there is and you know it! Emmy you said you loved me, you kissed me and I need an explanation for all of it!"
I turned towards him, I so wanted to be angry at him and his demand for an explanation but I couldn't I only felt sadness and an ache in my heart that told me it was about to be shattered .
"I don't know when it started but I know that somewhere along the way my love for my best friend grew and I fell in love with you. I've been in love with you for years and I realise I'm only sixteen and you're twenty two and all that crap about age gaps and the law but I don't care! I love you. I'm. In. Love. With. You!!"
I'm sure I looked borderline insane at the moment but I honestly couldn't give a shit! I was tired of losing. I was gonna lose my brother and I was already losing Micah to his new life and I knew I would have eventually lost him with or without my declaration of love. So there was no point in prolonging the suffering of the lose and also keeping my love for him under lock and key so might as well get it off my chest and cut my loses short. I didn't want years of pain from watching the closest person to my heart aside from my brother slip away from me, i wouldn't have the strength to bear it.
"I'm in love with you and I know you don't feel the same about me so please I beg you just leave it alone. I needed to get off my chest and I have so now you can pretend I never said anything and we can go back to being best buddies until you have to leave again, you'll go back to university to your friends and life there, and I'll go back to being the good friend who will always be there when you need anything."
I turned back to the sea and wiped furiously at my stray tears. In a moment I was turned around and my lips were covered by the sweetest pair of lips ever!
I kissed him back and his arms went around my body securing me tightly against him. As if I'd want to run away!
After a couple of seconds he pulled back and we were both gasping for air.
And then he opened his big mouth and ruined everything, "Shit, Angel I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. No. That can't happen ever again."
The pain in my chest had no rival. I turned and picked up my shoes and made my way back to the car. When Micah caught up with me it was clear he still had more to say but I was having none of it.
"Take me home."
"Angel..."
"No Micah. Take me home. Now."
My anger was enough for him to comply to my wishes.
He drove me home again in total awkward silence. It seemed to be a constant companion of ours these days.
When we stopped in front of my house Nicky was sitting on the porch and when he saw us he got up and came towards us. I got out of the car and so did Micah.
"Hey Nicky bear." I hugged him with all I had.
"Hey baby girl." He hugged me just as fiercely.
And when I stepped back he moved towards Micah and the hugged, it's funny really that they've become such good friends over time.
"Hey Micky boy why don't you join us for dinner it's just me and Em, mum and dad are going out, and I was thinking we can order in and watch a movie or something."
Micah's hesitance was clear so I pasted on a smile and said, "better yet how about I make us lasagna instead of ordering in."
Nicky smiled and Micah looked at me suspiciously, "So how about you boys go in and set up the movies and everything and I'll start preparing the food."
Not taking no for an answer Nicky dragged Micah inside and I headed in after them.
After changing my cloths I set about making dinner, I was almost done when Micah came into the kitchen, "you know I can leave right?"
"Why would you leave Micah?" I decided it was best to play innocent
"Come on Emily you know bloody well why I would leave, I don't want things to be awkward for us but I understand if you want me to leave."
"I see no reason for things to be awkward between us and if i didn't want you to be here you wouldn't be here so if you'll excuse me I have dinner to finish and I need to clean up the kitchen when I'm done so leave me be." My voice was calm and devoid of emotion and I'm sure my face was as emotionless as my voice.
Micah simply nodded and left.

I finished dinner and we all sat and ate and we watched a bunch of movies. I excused myself after the third movie and went up to bed. I lay down and stared at the sealing for what seemed to be ages, a while later I heard the front door open and shut. Micah left without saying goodbye.
A couple of minutes after a soft knock sounded on my door and Nicky came in and laid down beside me.
"Tell me the whole of it." He said.
I frowned "the whole of what?"
He gave me a half smile, "you and Micah. I'm not stupid you know; you could have cut the tension with a knife."
And he was right, I just hoped he wouldn't notice, but trust my smart ass brother to not miss a thing.
So I told him everything and by the end of it I was a blubbering mess all over again.
Nicky pulled me close to him and let me cry without saying a word.
After I had quieted down he spoke, "baby girl I'm dying, there's no use in sugar coating it when it can be any day now. And honestly I feel it's gonna be soon. And I need to know you're gonna be okay, I thought that with Micah around he would watch over you but with the turn of events I can't count on anyone but you to watch over yourself, I don't wanna leave you Emmy, and if I could I would stay by your side forever. But it is as it is. My time is drawing near and I need to know that you'll be okay that you'll live for both of us and that you will be strong. Can you be strong for me baby girl?"
I was too shocked by what he said and soon again the water works started again. I hadn't realised his cancer was that bad that he feared his time was at an end. And now that I look at him properly he did look dead tired.
"Nicky how bad is it really?" I whispered. His sad smile was enough of an answer but as if to chance no misunderstanding he answered with a shaky voice "it's spread all over and I have been suffering from pain and dizzy spells. I saw my doctor today and he has a room on stand by in the patient care wing for me to.." His voice broke but he needn't say anymore.
I hugged him close to me and we cried together and after a while he pulled back and asked me again,"promise me you will be okay and that you won't let this break you, baby girl I need you to promise me."
"I promise I'll try Nicky." I sobbed and he held me close to him.
We fell asleep on my bed not knowing what tomorrow would bring.