Free Bird -a Guns N' Roses Fanfic

Cut

*TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM*

"That oughta wake you up!" He yelled jokingly.

"Mission completed." I moaned as I rubbed my head.

"Alright you guys, let's eat." She sighed.

We ate, and I didn't realize how hungry I was until I was on my 3rd serving.

"Baz, you have eaten more than an elephant." He laughed.

"Don't judge! I'm hungry!" I raised my voice.

"Ok, ok. Sorry," he retreated, putting his hands up in defense.

"Duff, she did the same thing to Slash. When she's hungry, there's no stopping her." Oliv said with a wink. Duff laughed super hard at the comment.

"Ok, I'm full." I sighed as I slowly set down my fork and rubbed my stomach.

"Finally!" Oliv teased.

"And Duff, you better get going. I've gotta get this girl ready for her date," she winked again as I just rolled my eyes. He stood up and waved.

"Ok, well bye you two. Talk to ya later!" He yelled as he started out the door. Oliv cleaned all the plates as I hopped in the shower.

"Bye-bye, baby, it's been sweet love, yeah, yeah
Though this feelin' I can't change
Please don't take it so badly
'Cause Lord knows, I'm to blame"

"If I stay here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change"

If I have a relationship with Duff, lord knows I'll fuck it up.

"Lord knows, I can't change
Lord help me, I can't change
Lord, I can't change
Won't you fly high, free bird, yeah"

My life has gone downhill. My dad's dead and my mom is a gold-digger who doesn't give a shit about me. I sell drugs just to keep my brother alive.

When I'm done, I get out of the shower and pull out the exacto-knife from the drawer. I slid it across my wrist, watching the blood trickle down. That wasn't enough. I made a few more slits till I slammed my back against the wall, gripping my wrist, trying to stop myself. I had a "The Beatles" t-shirt on and some boy shorts. I fell to the floor, against the wall and cried to myself. Why am I doing this?

"Baz? You good?" I heard from the other side of the door.

Fuck.

I didn't respond. "Baz? BAZ? HELLO?" She yelled worriedly.

The door swung open and she saw the blood on my shirt, as I lay nearly unconscious with the blood all over the floor.

She looked at me in utter shock as a tear rolled down her face.

She leaned down and held my wrist over my limp body, wrapping it in gauze.

"B-Baz, d-did you d-do this to y-yours-self?" She stuttered quietly. I slowly nodded 'yes' as my eyes flickered shut.

"I-I'm gonna get you h-help, ok?" She whispered softly. She walked out and picked up the phone. I couldn't tell what she was saying.

After a few minutes, I was still pretty out of it. My eyes were closed and I was mostly limp. I felt someone wrap their arms around me, but it didn't feel like Duff.

"I'm sorry this had to happen, baby." He said in his deep, soothing voice. It was velvety and warm. Axl.

He held me against his chest and rocked back and forth, right there on the bathroom floor. I could hear footsteps and a small sigh in the living room. Duff.

After a while, Axl lifted my lanky body up and I was transferred to someone else's grasp. My boy. Duffy.

"I— Baz, wa— was it my fault?" He choked, cradling me in his arms.

"N-no," I manage to croak out. He slid his fingers over my wrist. He just stared at my wounds and the gauze was so full that it left some of the red liquid on his fingertips. I cuddled into his lap and cried into his shirt, as I felt Axl's soft gaze on me.

  After some time I stumbled out of his lap and went to the bathroom to clean myself up. I left the door slightly open.

  "Baz?" He whispered softly.

  "I don't need your help." I snapped. I just wanted to be left alone. I wrapped it better and I was able to disguise it to make it look like part of my stage costume.

  "Let's just get to the fucking venue." I sighed.

  "Do you want me to—" Duff was cut off.

  "I'm taking my motorcycle. Alone." I was sure to emphasize the word 'alone'.

  I put my hands on the handlebars and revved the engine. Oliv had grabbed the makeup and hair stuff and she hopped in the car, with Duff and Axl following close suit.

  I reached the bar and stomped in, guessing that Oliv hand grabbed my guitar. I walk into the backstage room and grabbed my outfit.

  I pulled over the leather vest and my "Ramones" shirt underneath. I had a fishnet top under it so that my arms were covered in it. I put on my leather fingerless gloves to hide my wounds and I pulled on my snakeskin pants, which Slash wouldn't be too happy about.

  I heard a knock on the door and I automatically knew it was Oliv.

  "Hold up." I moaned. I checked myself out in the mirror and then opened the door.

  "It's 3pm and your already in your outfit?!" She squealed.

  "Stop complaining. I'm just gonna hang out here and drink all day. It's not like I'm going anywhere," I protested.

  "True, true." She sighed and sat down in the chair next to a loveseat which had a table and a TV in front of it. I popped open a Jack Daniels and took a long swig, already feeling the effects.

  "Don't let the boys in." I said after a moment of silence.

  "Why?" She questioned my decision.

  "I don't want to talk to them. And stop treating me like a baby just because of this morning." I complained.

  "I'm sorry, I just... feel bad—"

  "Well stop feeling bad," I snapped as I took another swig and walked back to my dressing room.

  I just I don't have to kill myself to be free. I just have to find a way to clean myself up and get better. Maybe, just maybe, I can do that, if I let some people in.