Lily Rose Styles

Chapter 48- December 20th

Lily's P.O.V.

I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darknessand I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under.
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it.
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and flail, fighting to stay above the darkness.
But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me and I slowly begin to give in to the feeling that lies below the water line
The waters starts to fill my lungs,
the lungs that once held so much life
yet now they allow the murky water to replace that...
I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness.
But why doesn't someone grab my hand
pull me from darkness's grasp?
because no one knows I stand at the boundary.
The boundary between light and dark:
so I give in to the thing that holds me.
All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can't save me from the water
So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
undetected by the occupants of that world
I don't want to fight anymore
I've given into darkness

I bolted up awake, a thin line of sweat forming on my forehead as my heart pounded against my chest. I quickly pressed my hand to my forehead as I took and deep breath in.

It's just a dream.

I sighted as I tug for my phone underneath my pillow, 6:24am are the numbers that flashed into my eyes, making me groan, Saturday morning and to be woken up at this time? I would say this is torture.

I've been dreading this day.

20th December. The official date Harry comes back home.

He is coming home, today!

And I can't even tell you how much I want to go hide out somewhere, live under a rock and become a snail...

No, but you get the point. I'm just frustrated with everything. Mostly because the fact my mum is forgiving Dad like nothing ever happened. Like he did not just slap her a week or so ago, like he din-t do anything, like he's just an innocent person living under our roof. And you know why this hurts? Because, it's just gives me the hints that she wouldn't believe me what I tell her, if I ever tell her what Dad is like. She wont believe me, and that spirals me out of control.

Strictly speaking, we are not on speaking terms.

So everything is back to what you could say normal. Im being ignored and yelled at, spending half of the time in my room crying whilst my Dad carelessly throws punches at me, which I have yet to figure out why.

And the boys? Yeah. I have cut the contact off with all of them, yes even with Louis. I understood that they are just going to leave again, so I'd rather keep myself to myself, because simply, nobody would care or even notice if I disappeared would they? They would be to busy with their jobs to notice.

And people wonder why I have trust issues.

I groaned as I lifted my head up from my pillows, I forced myself out of bed, to tired to even bother to make it, and switched the lights in my room on.

The place instantly light up with bright light making me shut my eyes close, blinking rapidly letting my eyes adjust to the blinding light.

I wasen't looking forward to today at all.

Everything seems like it's on repeat. Everyday, every week, everything that happens just seems to be going on forever. Do you know what I mean? When you live the same ol' boring life everyday, the hurt, the pain, it dawns on you constantly. Following you wherever you go. Yeah. It's like having a gun pointed at your head at all times, death is following you, and you just have to stick onto hope and trust yourself to not pull the trigger screaming your name constantly.