When hearts collide (drarry)

That Night

(A/N okay so this chapter is going to start right after Draco is getting dragged away after the boy’s date.)

Harry’s POV

I watch Draco as he is dragged upstairs by the girl’s, ‘He probably won’t be back to the dorm tonight.’ (I realized that whe I was moving this story from google docs to wattpad that the italicized letter didn’t stay italicized so from now on thoughts will be in apostrephes) I wave towards the boys, noting that both Blaise and Neville are absent. 

“Hey Harry, where are you going, you still need to tell us how it went.” I look back towards Ron and Titus who paused their game of wizard’s chess. 

“I’m sorry guys, but I’m just really tired. I will be sure to tell you all about it tomorrow though.” Ron goes to protest, but Titus cuts him off, “Okay sleep well.” I resume the walk to my dorm silently thanking the hufflepuff. I enter the dorm and immediately run to my trunk. I begin digging through it trying to find my backup razor since I can’t remember where I put my other one. I finally find it buried deep below all of my clothes that I have yet to unpack.

*I find solace in the bathroom. I lock the door and cast a quick silencing spell. I undress and get into the shower deciding I might as well kill two birds with one stone. I sink to the shower floor as I slice into my skin, watching the blood slowly trickle out of my arm. My thoughts only fuel the fire, ‘You almost scared him away you idiot. Granted it would probably be best if he didn’t stick around too long, you do have a track record of letting the people you care about die.’ I cut myself a few more times before I threw down the razor.*

I back up trying to get away from it. In my head I feel like the further I am away from it the less tempting the urge will be. I pick the blade up off the floor and make my way out of the shower, leaving it running. I throw the blade into the toilet, “Goodbye.” I flush it down, knowing the itch to hurt myself will come back, but that it’s over for tongiht. I get back into the shower trying to block out the hateful voices that still fill my head. I wash my hair and focus on all of the highlights of mine and Draco’s date. 

I get out of the shower and cast a simple healing spell on my arms. Usually I would bandage it up and bask in the stinging feeling, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to do that tonight. ‘Maybe it’s because you still have Draco’s smiling face in your head?’ A voice in my head supplied. I would call the voice helpful, but it really wasn’t. That statement brought on a new onslaught of things for me to think about. 

I snapped my fingers and a house elf popped up right beside me, “What can Tipsy do for Mr.Potter?” I smile at her, “How many times do I have to tell you Tipsy call me Harry and I need a hot choclate please.” I can’t help the fondness in my voice as I speak to her. She was my best friend back in fourth year. When everyone turned on me I couldn’t bring myself to eat in the great hall so I would eat in the kitchens. More often than not her and Dobby would wait on me. It took awhile, but I eventually convinced them to sit down and eat with me. 

Ever since then I have gone to visit Tipsy, but it has been hard going down to the kitchens since Dobby died. Of course I have gone to visit her, but not as often as I would like to and I never stay for very long. 

I am brought back to reality when I hear a pop, the tell tale sign that a house elf has entered the room, “Here you go… Harry.” I can hear the uncertainty in her voice as she says my name and I just give her a big smile, “Thank you. Why don’t you go grab yoursel fsomething to drink or eat and then come back here so we can talk?” 

I really don’t want to be alone here after the day I have had and ever since I got out of the shower my brain has been supplying me with more and more unhelpful thoughts. She bounces up and down, “I would love to. Just give me a quick moment and I will be right back.” She pops away, but isn’t gone for longer than two minutes before she is back. She has a thermos identical to mine, “What are you drinking?” 

She seems thrilled that I have asked her and the excitement on her face whenever I am around her never ceases to bring me joy, even if it is just the slightest bit. She goes into a long spiel about how she is drinking her mother’s recipe for tea. She is smiling the entire time she is talking to me and I can’t help but to smile myself. She takes a long sip, “So what did you want to talk about? I can tell there is something on your mind.” That is one thing they never tell you about house elves, they are very insightful creatures.

“I don’t really know how to say this. I haven’t told anyone about it.” She grabs my hot choclate from me as my hands begin to shake a little, “Take your time, we have all night.” I flash her an appreciative smile before taking a deep breath, “Well Tipsy since the war has ended I haven’t been very well. I keep having these intrusive thoughts that push me to do things like hurting myself, but tonight when I was…” I trail off hoping she can infer what I am talking about because I can’t bring myself to say it. I feel her tiny hand on mine, a silent way of telling me to go on when I am ready, “I felt disgusted with myself. I flushed my razor down the toilet and got back in the shower, but just because I couldn’t cut doesn’t mean the voices stopped. I feel like sometimes I hear them, the people that died in the war. They range from those close to me like Dumbledore to people I can barely remember like my parents. They say all sorts of horrid things to me and I can’t help but to believe them. For some reason tonight I couldn’t help but feel like hurting myself was the wrong way to go about things and something inside me told me it was because I still had Draco in mind. I’m sure you have heard through the gossip chain that I am seeing Draco well. It's true. We had a date this evening and I snapped at him, I frightened him.”

I finally finish and I have tears in my eyes and I look too Tipsy to see she is also on the brink of tears. She lunges at me and pulls me into one of the most comforting hugs I have ever received.