After This, Will Be Us

8

I woke up early than my alarm. Maybe I'm just too anxious for this day. I told myself to just relax and sleep but later on I was already reading my accounting books until 12am.

I don't have enough sleep, obviously, and I'm not in the mood. I don't want to think negatively because it might affect my efficiency later on my exam. Pero wala eh, Nerves was getting the best out of me.

Kinakabahan ako kasi this is my last chance to pass. I want to move on the next semester without leaving an unsettled subject behind. Ayokong maging irregular. My plans should be followed.

No more, No less.

I blew a loud breath and went to my bathroom to take a bath. I change into my simple white knitted top tucked inside my mom jeans. I wore my favorite white sneakers and went down to eat breakfast.

I was about to greet dad a good morning but, as usual, I saw him talking to someone on the phone. I just quietly went closer. He was standing near the window, his back in on me.

"Don't worry, I'll see you later." Dad said.

I furrowed my brows because of the sweetness of his voice. I don't think you talk like that to your client.

I was just standing at the end of our stairs. I know it's bad but I want to hear dad's conversation with that someone without him noticing. I don't know, I just felt like I needed to hear something.

"I love you, hmm?" He said. Happiness was dripping from his voice.

Lumaki yung mata ko sa gulat at napahawak sa handrail ng hagdan dahil nawalan ng lakas 'yung mga paa ko. Muntikan na akong matumba, fortunately I didn't make any noise. My heart was thumping loudly against my chest. I thought of one thing but I immediately put it behind my mind.

There's no way. He wouldn't do that to me.

I was so close to crying but I immediately stood straight and slightly wiped my eyes when dad turned around. He was shocked to see me standing in front of him. His eyes were opened wide and he Instinctively hid his phone behind his back.

As if I didn't hear everything.

He was moving awkwardly but his eyes were fixed on me. I don't want him to act like that. Act like he was caught off guard. He was making me believe what my mind was already shouting.

It took a couple of seconds before he was able to speak.

"Sham, kanina ka pa?" He asked uneasily.

I wanted to say yes. I wanted to tell him I heard everything. I wanted to ask him to explain. But I don't think I can manage to hear what he would say.

Not now that I have a crucial exam later.
Not now that I needed a lot of courage.
Not now that I needed a peace of mind.

"No," I said shaking my head while faking a laugh. "Not really,"

He nodded to himself. He looked relieved.

I hope I'm wrong. Please.

He went closer to me and kissed the side of my head.

"Good morning, Sham." He said then sat down to his chair. "Was talking to a...a client,"

I mindlessly nodded my head then walked to the kitchen counter. He continued to eat his breakfast, looking like nothing happened.

A client.

I am not that naive but I don't want to entertain these obvious signs.

As I turned my back at him, I sighed heavily and controlled my emotions. Nanginginig 'yung kamay ko habang naglalagay ng kape sa baso. Napaso pa ako paglagay ko nang mainit na tubig. But I endured it.