After This, Will Be Us

12

I can hear loud and happy chattering even here outside. I don't know why I'm just standing here like a scared idiot. I'm still thinking wether I'm ready for this or I'm just forcing myself. I know it's the latter, but it's the best choice at the moment.

I breathed heavily and opened the door. I quietly went inside and the chattering abruptly stopped. I turned around and saw them having their breakfast. They're all looking at me, even the kid.

I smiled at Ate Lena who's pouring juice to their glasses. She worriedly smiled at me. My eyes heated by the way she looked at me. I badly want to hug her right now.

Dad looked at me with nothing but a blank face. The woman was timidly smiling at me. I thought I can talk with them casually, but I can't even move my feet when they're all gathering like this. I think I need time. A lot more time.

I nodded my head without looking at them. I proceeded to climb the stairs and went inside my room. Thankfully, Dad didn't call me.

Once I closed the door, I breathed heavily and sat down for a while. It's just the first day but I'm losing all the reasons why I'm doing this.

I left my bed and went to my bathroom. I washed up and change my clothes. I laid back on my bed. Is this all I'm going to do when I'm here? Locking myself at my room? Avoiding all of them? Can I survive hiding everyday?

I closed my eyes and chose to sleep. That's all I can do, while I'm here.

I woke up with my stomach rumbling. I shut my eyes and tried not to feel the hunger but foods were all in my mind. I opened my eyes and stared at my white ceiling.

Someone knocked on the door. I momentarily closed my eyes. I heard my door opening and I kept my eyes shut.

I heard a sigh. "Kain ka na."

It's Ate Lena, but I still refuse to open my eyes. It's embarrassing if she'll find out I'm just faking my sleep.

"Alam kong gising ka." Mahinahong sabi niya. I stayed still. "Hindi mo ako maloloko Shamara. Tayo na diyan, kumain ka na."

I slowly opened my eyes and saw her, with a soft expression. "Mamaya na ako ate,"

She sat at my side and stared at me. Hinawi niya ang buhok na nakatakip sa mukha.

"Wala sila. Umalis."

I'm taken aback. They went out? Wow.

I nodded my head and sat down. Magkaharap kaming dalawa.

We stared at each other. I'm trying hard not to broke down again. Ayokong masyado nila akong isipin.

She loudly sighed and went closer to hug me. Hinagod niya ang likod ko at hinigpitan ang yakap. Naiiyak ako pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko.

"Kayanin mo ha," she whispered on my ear. "Alam kong mahirap, pero kayanin mo Sham."

Tumango ako at mahigpit na yumakap sa kaniya. I buried my face on her shoulders and cried. Hindi pa pala talaga ako tapos umiyak, hindi rin naman kasi nauubos ang sakit.

"Sobrang sakit sa akin na makita kang ganito, Shamara. Sobrang hirap. Gustong-gusto kitang habulin nung umalis ka pero hindi pwede, dahil nasasaktan ka at kailangan mong mag-isip. Kailangan mo ang sarili mo."

She held my crying face and kissed my forehead.

"Mahal kita, Shamara. Sabihin mo lang kung masyado ng mahirap dahil tutulungan kitang maghanap ng solusyon. Nandito ako lagi."

I nodded. She wiped my tears with her hands. Her eyes were red and glassy but keep the smile on her face.

"Tara baba na."