Soul Bound

Chapter 33

DPOV

I ran back to the hotel. Luckily my access card was still in my duster pocket. They really hadn't searched my duster. The Strigoi hubris was working in my favor now. I closed my duster obscuring my bare chest. I turned up the collar and brushed some of my hair over my neck. I had lost my hair tie long ago. I probably had a spare in my pockets somewhere too. But I needed as much cover for my bitemark as I could find. I took the back entrance for the hired help hoping no one would see me.

I entered our suite and was glad the key card still worked. I had no idea how I would have explained my appearance to the desk clerk. I flung myself on my bed. I just wanted to sleep for three days straight. Maybe when I woke up, it would all have been a bad dream. I was in bed for a good ten minutes almost asleep when I heard the front door of the suite open and close.

I wasn't allowed my peace when I heard Adrian came into my room. He saw me and started yelling. His voice was shrill and it caused my newly forming headache to form that much faster.

"Well look who decided to grace us with his presence. I thought you were happy wherever you were and you wanted to be left alone."

The sneer is his voice was as sharp as the stake I had failed to kill Rose with. Both seemed to be mocking me.

I knew I hurt Adrian when I said those words, I would have to apologize to him later, I didn't have the energy right now. I just looked at him and I was trying hard not to let him see how broken I was at the moment. But he saw. His face and more importantly his voice instantly softened a bit.

"God Dimitri, what happened?"

Something flashed across his face. Like he just realized something.

"Did you... Did you kill her?"

He almost sounded as if he didn't want that to be true. I guess I wasn't the only one having a hard time letting her go.

I wanted to tell him I did. I wanted to tell him that I had been strong enough to set her free. But I hadn't been. I had been weak. Weak enough to let her do those things to me.

I sat up and looked at my hands. The hands that failed to set her free. The hands that had been on her thighs and back and hair moments before. I could still feel the warmth of her skin on them.

"No, I couldn't Adrian, I couldn't. I had the chance, after Rose and I... I couldn't do it. I failed her. I let myself believe there was still some Rose left in her, and sometimes I could hardly see the difference. I let her... God Adrian, I just needed her. It had been so long since I touched her, kissed her... I... wanted her. I..."

I couldn't say it. I couldn't acknowledge what I had done. What I let Rose do to me. And part of me knew I was in denial because of how much I enjoyed it.

"You slept with her." His voice was devoid of any emotion, the earlier softness gone. He wasn't judging me, but he didn't understand it either. He simply didn't know how to react.

"Yes," I answered in a small and ashamed tone.

He took in my appearance and especially the wound on my neck. I wondered if he could see it was a repeated bite? I couldn't imagine what I looked like. Blood on my neck, God knows what else on my pants. I was tired and hungry and broken.

"You let her feed off of you during sex, didn't you?"

What good did it do me if I denied it now.

"Yes."

He sat down across from me. I could tell he found it difficult not to judge. To be with a Strigoi, to let them feed off of you willingly, to sleep with them, it was unheard of. I knew many wouldn't understand. The evilness of them was ingrained into us. Their existence was something dark and twisted. To regard any of it as pleasurable was a betrayal to our society. Maybe Adrian could have understood if the roles were reversed. Biting during sex was something Moroi did too. I had no doubt Adrian would have. But being on the receiving end... no he couldn't understand that.