Faith

Chapter 24

"What are you thinking so hard about, Cupcake?" Luke asked as he watched her pick at her plate.

She sighed and looked out the window, "Life would be so different if you knew about Angel."

"How so?" Kota asked curiously.

"Think about it," She sighed again. "If you knew about Angel you would have immediately came back to the house and left behind acting to take care of us. You wouldnt be famous actors and never would have followed your dreams."

"I dont think so," Axel shook his head, "We still would have acted it just wouldnt have been back to back movies."

Lynn shook her head, "No you wouldnt have, you would have continued working with the Academy every so often and have your normal jobs but you wouldnt have gone back to Hollywood to act. I guess it is a good thing you didnt know, you got to pursue your dreams of being actors." She sat her fork down and sighed again.

"We would have gone back eventually," Kota said picking up her plate. "Maybe not for a few years but we would have gone back at some point."

"If you say so," she said. "I never did ask, did you even want kids? Do you now?"

"Yes to both," Sean nodded.

"Then I guess I need to start looking for my own place," she said standing up.

"What do you mean?" Owen asked grabbing her hand to stop her from leaving.

"I cant give you kids," She shook her head. "The specialist said I have less than a five percent chance. It is near impossible. I wont stop you from having your chance of having kids."

"You arent going anywhere Cupcake," Luke shook his head. "We want you."

"But you want kids," She argued.

"There are other ways of having kids," Axel said softly. "Do you even want to have another child sometime in the future?"

She sighed, "Honestly I dont know. Part of me wants to say yes but another part says I will always wonder and compare to Angel, and I dont want more heartache so I cant honestly answer that right now. I am torn so I cant say yes or no right now."

"Thank you for being honest," Marc said, "That is all we ask for."

"But what if I dont want children and you do?" She asked scared and hurt.

"Then we will cross that bridge if it happens," Silas said, "but for now lets just focus on one day at a time, Angelos Mou."

"I dont know," She sighed. "What if I start to fall and then you decide you want children and I dont? It will hurt so much more then."

"But what if you decide you do want to adopt or surrogate or try IVF or prove doctors wrong?" Corey asked. "We cant focus on what ifs. We need to focus on the present."

"Ill try," she sighed. "I think Im going to head to bed."

"We will be up in a few," North said and she nodded. Once she was out of earshot he looked at Sean, "What was that about?"

"Shes scared of being hurt again and of hurting us," Silas shrugged. "Shes trying to put up walls again and I think the anxiety is getting bad again."

"It might be a good idea to get her on anxiety and antidepressant medicine," Sean nodded. "But if she wont take them then we just need to keep reassuring her the best we can."

"Whatever we need to do, we will," Victor said as he headed up to go lay with her.

Lynn woke up and realized it was quiet. Glancing at the clock she realized it was five in the morning. She got out of bed and slipped on Norths hoodie that he left on her vanity chair. She slipped out of the room and started to head down to the kitchen. She made a cup of hot cocoa and started to walk outside. On the way she passed one of the spare rooms and she noticed it held some of her boxes. She walked into the room and turned on the light. She sat down the cup and stared at the box that was in front of her. She reached out to touch it then pulled back. She took a deep breath and reached out again. Just touching the box took a lot out of her. She took a deep breath and opened the box. She sat some of the books to the side and then lifted out a craft box. Opening the box she ran her fingers across a tube of paint that looked empty. She shook it and sure enough there was something inside. She immediately tossed it in the trashcan that was nearby. She then spotted a rainbow pocket knife that was under the paints. She picked it up. Flicking it open she stared at the colors while she twirled it slowly over and over. "No," she shook her head, "No," She repeated and shut the knife. She turned and jumped, leaning on the doorframe was Raven. "Shit Raven," she gasped.

"Kitten," he said as he held out his hand.

She immediately put it in his hand and whispered, "I wasnt going to—"

"I heard, I watch," he said as he put his finger on her lips to silence her. "I proud."

She smiled softly and hugged him. "Thank you," she whispered and he held her tight.

"Want help?" he asked and she nodded.