Growing Into You (First Draft; Unedited)

xxii.

Aoife

I was looking out the window from the top floor. Jayen and Lady Dupon were standing together under a tree. I couldn't see what they were doing but I could see the glare of Jayen's sword. Why were they sparing?

"Aoife?"

I turned around. Devi was standing in the doorway. I was standing in a guest room, I was supposed to be cleaning the room, and I was! Sorta. . . I've been slowly dusting the window, watching Jayen and the lady as well as the sky. The clouds have been darkening the entire time.

"Are you watching your girlfriend flirt with another woman?" Devi laughed and stood beside me.

I didn't take my eyes off the two of them. "She's not my girlfriend."

"You two certainly act like it. Oh, wait, sorry. . . Are you not. . ."

"No, I am. I mean--I do like girls." I shook my head. "And they're not flirting."

Devi snorted. "Lady Dupon might as well just shove her tongue down Jaylen's throat."

"Devi! How crude could you be!" Heat was rising up my face.

"I'm sorry. You like her don't you?" Her voice was soft and it felt sad.

Does everyone know about that? Did Maj tell people? ". . . No."

"C'mon Aoife, I see the way you look at her. Everyone sees the way you look at her and how you act around her. Everybody but her. . . You should tell her," Devi said.

"What if she doesn't like me like that?" I turned my gaze from them over to Devi. She looked sick and sad and I suddenly felt bad about talking about my own problems.

"If she doesn't then you can move on, if she does. . . then congratulations, I guess." Devi looked out the window. "The lady walked away."

I turned back to the window in time to catch Lady Dupon walking back towards the mansion. Jayen stayed underneath the tree cover as the first few drops of the season fell. I could go down there right now and tell her.

"Do it." Devi's eyes were boring holes in the side of my head.

"What?"

"Go down there. Tell her."

I nodded and rushed out of the room, down the stairs, and out of the North Wing. Please be out there still, please be out there still. I threw open the doors and slowed down. Jayen was staring in the distance, her sword on the ground. What on Areth happened? Did the lady hurt her?

"Jayen! I need to talk to you."

Jayen turned to me and waved slightly. Rain was falling lightly, droplets were falling on the top of my head and shoulders. I took a deep breath as I got closer and stood underneath the tree cover with her.

"What's wrong?" Jayen reached her hand out and I grabbed it.

"Nothing." I laughed. "Absolutely nothing."

"Then what is it?"

I grabbed her other hand so we were facing each other, about a foot apart. "Jayen, when I first saw you I was mesmerized. I could talk to you easily and I loved being around you. When I was around you I felt safe and I felt like I was home. I know I haven't known you for that long, not even a month but. . ."

Her eyes widened and she leaned in, slightly as if she was on the edge of her seat. "But what?"

"Dear Dei, I thought. . . I thought I was ready to say this but I'm so nervous." I laughed. "I don't want you to hate me. I don't want things to be awkward and I don't want to ruin our friendship. . ."

"Aoife. . ." Her voice was so soft and gentle. Here it comes, this is where she says she doesn't feel the same and asks me to move out.

"It's okay." I dropped my gaze. "You don't have to say it."

"I don't know how I feel. . ." Jayen gripped my hands tighter. "I don't want to ruin our friendship and get into a relationship when I don't a hundred percent want that."

"Is there anything I can do to help you figure out your feelings? Would you want space or. . ." I looked up, Jayen was blushing. "Or can I?. . ."

I didn't think she could get any redder now. I lightly traced my hand against her cheek and looked into her eyes. I felt her hand reach my waist and pull me closer, just a little bit.

"Please do. . ." Jayen dropped her eyes to my lips.

I met her lips with mine. They were soft and she tasted like burnt sugar. I melted against her as my heart swooned.

I think I might love her.