Growing Into You (First Draft; Unedited)

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My vision seemed to fade in and out as they both helped carry me up the stairs and into the lady’s room. I felt like I was floating and not in a good way. When we got into the room Devi let go of me and shut the door as she left.

Alexandra unhooked the belt and sword from my waist, struggling to keep me upright, I tried to stand on my own but ended up just leaning on her more.

“I’m sorry. . .” I muttered.

She threw the belt on the dresser. “For what?”

“I’ve just been a burden.” I felt tears well up in my eyes. She’s had to help me twice now and I still haven’t been able to do anything with the stupid garden. It’s my only job and I haven’t done it.

“Jayen. Look at me.” 

I tilted my head away from her and clinged to her for warmth and to avoid her eyes. She saw through it though and helped me get onto her bed. She placed a soft and warm blanket over me.

“Jayen. . . you’re not a burden.” She crouched down to be eye level with me by the side of the bed as I laid down. “You’ve just unlucky. . . that’s all.”

“Are you going to fire me?”

Alexandra’s eyes widened and she was taken aback. “Of course not! Why would I do that?”

“I haven’t done my job.” I choked out. “I couldn’t do the one thing you asked of me.”

She climbed into bed next to me but she kept her distance. “I asked you to take care of yourself--”

“I can’t even do that! You’ve had to help me.” I felt a tear slide down.

“I helped you because I wanted to. . . I know you can take care of yourself but you shouldn’t have to be alone with it.” She grabbed my hand and brought it to her face, her lips grazing my knuckle. “Devi told me what happened. . . I understand that you’re having conflicting feelings but, I’m here for you.”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I started sobbing. Alexandra reached over and pulled me closer to her. She rubbed my back and I cried into her chest.

It took me a little bit before I was able to get any words out. “I could’ve killed him. . . Alexandra I was. . . I was going to.”

She shushed me. “You didn’t. That’s what matters.”

I kept crying but I felt so drained. “But I--”

“No, it doesn’t matter. You were facing off against someone who hurt you--who abused you. It was a matter of survival to you at that point.”

“But--”

Alexandra held me tighter. “Jayen, ma chérie, you should really try to get some sleep or relax. . . We don’t want your cut to start bleeding again, it’s too big to bandage.” 

I nodded against her and took deep breaths. It was okay. It’ll be okay. I had stopped crying and fully relaxed against her. She was so warm and I wasn’t cold anymore. My eyelids grew heavy, crying really took it out of me.

Before I was fully asleep I felt the lady kiss the top of my head.

Then I was out.