Growing Into You (First Draft; Unedited)

lxvii.

Jayen

I blinked several times to clear the tears out my eyes and to get readjusted to the dark. The Guards readjusted their clothes and lifted their lanterns higher, casting us in golden light. Jinan was gone.

Jinan was gone.

It was over.

Devi turned to us, the golden orb had a new transparency to it and a dark blue liquid swirled around inside it, lapping at the edges. Devi’s eyes reflected a sense of exhaustion and pain that I could never understand. She blinked several times, not even breathing. She slowly turned and stumbled towards us, placing the orb into Alexandra’s hand before Aoife caught her as she collapsed.

I could barely get my legs to move to help Aoife hold Devi up. Her eyes shimmered with tears as understanding passed through us. We were done with this.

Joshua placed a heavy hand on my shoulder, “It’s over Jay. It’s done. We did it,” he said softly.

Alexandra wrapped her arms around my waist and placed her head on mine. Her warmth did little to combat the chill that had settled on me. Aoife took Devi from my hands and lifted her up, bridal style. Her sleeve where the light had been was completely torn to shreds and where the light spread was replaced by inky darkness, a permanent reminder of what we’ve done here.

I stared at the orb on Alexandra’s hand as she examined it, her face twisting from one emotion to the next. Kuna and Maj walked over to surround us, their faces worn.

“Let’s get you all back to town,” Hevv said softly, ushering us from the field and through the trail. Captain Markus and his lantern led the way, everyone completely mum as we walked.

I couldn’t help the feeling of freedom twisting and forcing its way through me, forcing any feeling of guilt and sadness out of my heart. I don’t have to mourn a monster. . .

I stumbled over a tree branch and Alexandra reached her hand out to steady me. “We’ll go back to the estate tonight, I’ll send a message to my sister to meet us in the morning.” I nodded slowly.

“I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed tonight!” Maj said, a hint of laughter creeping into her voice. I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, I wasn’t the only one who felt. . . happy? No, that wasn’t quite right.

“I can’t wait to see my wife and daughter again. Don’t get me wrong, I love you all but I need to go home soon!” Joshua laughed softly.

“When we get to De Town, I’ll try to find someone willing to get us back to Cleasson Town.” Kuna stretched before Maj wrapped an arm around them to help her balance.

When we got back to the town, the street lamps had already been lit. The town was quiet, I assume they saw Devi’s bright light and knew what it meant. Otherwise I couldn’t imagine a town like this being so still you could hear the fountain trickle. A warm breeze brushed my hair out of my face and I inhaled deeply, the air was fresher than I’d ever smelled before. I felt weightless like if I reached for the stars I could touch them.

Alexandra stopped me as everyone walked past us, the Guards returning to their station and Joshua stumbling to a stable. Her eyes shone in the candlelight, reflecting the fire of a thousand stars as she pressed the orb into my hand. I stared down at it. The blue liquid was still, like an ocean with no current. No wind. Nothing. I looked up at Alexandra again and I was filled with such intense love and longing that I thought I was going to fall. She placed her hands gently on my waist to steady me.

“Are you alright, my love?” 

I looked at my friends. The people who have supported me while I was at my lowest. The people who stood by me even when it would have been easier to leave, to step aside. My own little universe. My gaze fell back to Alexandra, the woman who has trusted me with her life, who has stood side by side with me as I bared my soul to her and spilled over the edge of my world. Her eyes met mine with the same intensity as I was showing her, she cupped my face with her hand and kissed me softly. I could feel the universe and everything that created us as we grew closer together. 

“Jayen?”

I didn’t answer, I just looked up into the sky where thousands of stars have made their home over the years. They had been born of pain and fire and I was reborn from it. I wasn’t the same person I was when I first fell from happiness into Jinan’s arms. I am stronger than I have ever been. 

And I was free.

And I was terrified for what was to come next. The healing process I would have to go through. But this time, I will heal. This time I wasn’t alone anymore.

The End.
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