Shen Jiu's Self Saving System

Chapter 7

In this life there was another thing that Liu Qingge was grateful for, because he was no longer Shen QingQiu to anyone else, the sect leader wasn't constantly visiting him. He hated how fake that man was, pretending to be nice yet abandoning him again and again. People like that make him sick. He always smiled on the outside and left, always feeling too guilty to actually do anything and try to atone for it later. It's disgusting.

After his mental breakdown the other day, Liu Qingge decided to be a lot less nosey and a bit more cold. Though he supposed that the problems in his past life arose because of his cold personality, he was sick of getting hurt and drowning in the shame of his actions. Even though he'd be more standoffish, his noble actions spoke far louder than his words.

It was more than likely that Liu Qingge would spend this life simply atoning for all of his sins. He couldn't help but wonder what life would be like for everyone if he wasn't born. Would Liu Qingge be alive and happy? Would the sisters at red pavilion brothel live the same lives and would the women at the other flower houses get educated? Would Binghe even get accepted into the sect? He had so many questions but he pushed them back into the darkest cell in his mind.

For now, simply remembering when times were better was good enough for him, because somehow he'd come to know that his shidi wouldn't wish this guilt upon him. Maybe he did hate him and resent him for his death, but lately he'd realised some things about his shidi. One thing was certain, he definitely wouldn't wish this burning self hatred on Shen Jiu.

He remembered a happier time when they were both just disciples training under different masters, Liu Qingge had definitely had a smaller brain at the time. No doubt. He had beat up one of the disciples of Qing Jing peak! Of course there'd be a witness somewhere to snitch on him! That brute! It wasn't Bai Zhan peak!

Liu Qingge, after reporting to his master immediately got reprimanded, though, he had lied and said he didn't do it. Liu Qingge used to be an awful liar, he could still remember how his cheeks would go pink and his ears would almost glow red. His lively temper would flare up to defend himself, whenever he felt threatened in some way he'd hide behind his temper. Especially if the threat was to his pride! Though, Shen Jiu could never really tease him on this because they were quite similar in that regard.

He remembered how Liu Qingge came back to their peak only moments later, complaining about some kind of stone or gem, he didn't hear him properly. Not that he was trying to hear him in the first place! Shen Jiu just happened to be in the vicinity at the time!

Apparently it was some kind of truth seeking magical artefact, so Liu Qingge was momentarily unable to lie. Shen Jiu almost forgot this memory of his earlier days, probably because it was too embarrassing and he didn't want to remember it. However, he'd much rather remember all of these light times and wake up the next morning knowing his shidi was still breathing.

He may have had a snarky attitude, but Shen Jiu was unable to hide his curiosity. He just had to try this out somehow. He wouldn't describe himself as a mischievous kid who ran towards trouble, definitely not, he hated those kinds of children. He just wanted to use this magical artefact.

"Shidi." He walked into Liu Qingge's line of sight, "I've heard of the trouble you made." He crossed his arms and leaned more so on one leg. He was definitely up to something.

Liu Qingge seemed to tense a little, if he knew then he probably knew everything... though, he had to note that sometimes his Shixiong had a really bad habit of selectively hearing certain things and tuning out some things entirely. "Did you hit my Shixiong?" Shen Jiu already knew it was true, he just wanted to see if asking him questions would make him answer.

"Yes." Liu Qingge had replied, unable to stop his voice from coming out against his will. He almost looked bewildered. How was he supposed to apologise like his Shizun had ordered him if he wasn't actually sorry at all!? He could only tell the truth! He couldn't simply not apologise, he'd be disobeying his masters words! But that person had insulted someone important to him and was spreading rumours all over the peak, he deserved it!

"Oh? I thought you'd deny it, why so honest shidi?" He strolled over to him.
"I'm using a magical artefact." Liu Qingge couldn't stop himself, it was like it was forcing him to answer questions too.
"So you'll answer any question I ask honestly?"
"Yes."
Shen Jiu smirked a little, he could honestly ask anything at all. "What's something about you that you're glad your Shizun doesn't know?" If he got the chance to ask something, he was going to try and squeeze the embarrassing, dirty little secrets out of him.
"I'm a cutsleeve."
"Okay, what's- WAIT WHAT!?" his eyes almost popped out of their sockets, that was the first time Shen Jiu had raised his voice at Liu Qingge.
"I'm a-" Shen Jiu put his hands over Liu Qingge's mouth clumsily to shut him up.
"Yeah, I heard I was just surprised... don't say it any louder or my martial siblings might make fun of you." Liu Qingge deadpanned at him and licked his palm. Shen Jiu should've seen that coming.
"Why are you asking me so many questions?" He crossed his arms in front of his chest. Shen Jiu could still feel the ticklish sensation of his hot wet tongue on his palm.

"Because I know you'll answer honestly instead of hiding behind your attitude!"
"Oh yeah! Don't think I haven't noticed you doing the same!" Shen Jiu wanted to retaliate at that but his hand was grabbed. Liu Qingge held his hand in a firm grip and slightly grimaced at the slightly wet feeling, Shen Jiu hadn't wiped his saliva off yet. "Now you're making direct contact with me so you have to tell the truth too!"
Shen Jiu tried to struggle out of his grip, damn Bai Zhan disciples and their strength!
"Shen Jiu, do you hate me?" His heart beat uncomfortably in his chest, why would he think that Shen Jiu hates him? He may dislike his inability to think with his brain and his brutish nature but he didn't hate him, hate was such a strong word. He'd reserve that for people like the Qius and Yue Qi.
"No." Liu Qingge was pleasantly surprised.

This was how the two were seen walking around Qing Jing Peak holding hands, though Shen Jiu kept struggling and groaning, practically being dragged. Whereas Liu Qingge seemed to be in a very pleasant mood, laughing, joking and clearly teasing his Shixiong. He used to be so full of life, even if he was teasing Shen Jiu, Shen Jiu couldn't help but miss it.

He wished that when Liu Qingge had grabbed his hand he had looked him in the eye and told him "shidi, you're amazing. You're enough just as you are, you don't need to go into closed door cultivation to impress me. I admire your strength and I've never hated you. Please don't leave me." He wished that he had held his shidi's hand with pride and not with antipathy.

He wished that he hadn't so regularly told his disciples Things like: "A Qing Jing Peak disciple must always be the epitome of manners, elegance and have the mind of a scholar. One does not need hold a savage mind and body like Liu Qingge to be the most influential and powerful of cultivators." But that was just his unique way of expressing himself, he just wished that he'd never been so rude to his shidi for him to mistake it as hate.

He sighed, if only things could be like that again. But that was so long ago, it was literally a whole lifetime ago. Now he just had to make sure he remembered, because no one else knew that the real Liu Qingge was long gone. He treasured each and every memory, no matter if they were sad, happy or infuriating. Because each of those memories was of Liu Qingge.

The immortal alliance conference was just around the corner, and as the peak lord of a combat peak he needed to make sure that there were less casualties this time around. He trained his disciples like crazy, it almost resembled how the original Liu Qingge would beat up his own disciples claiming that it was for training.

"Shifu, we're glad you're back." They bowed and smiled. No. He wasn't really Liu Qingge... he's just trying make sure you're not going to die. Liu Qingge was never going to be back. So don't make it sound as if he was just being sad for a bit and then came back to his senses.