The Queen of the Waves

19: a Life Line

Bas held Mara's hand as they walked towards his cabin. She was clinging to him like a life line, and in many ways he was. Without Bas holding her anchored to this ship, Mara feared she would hurl herself into the sea.

"Mara," Bas whispered as they paused outside of Bas' cabin, "this can be your cabin now, your safe space."

He brushed wisps of hair across her forehead and she sighed pensively for a second before shaking her head.

"No?" Bas voiced, confused with her choice. He couldn't believe that Mara actually wanted to go back into Bayen's cabin with all that trauma and the smell of iron in the room.

"No, I don't want it to be mine," she explained, shifting nervously from foot to foot, "I don't want to be on my own..."

Bas smiled softly as he finally realised what Mara meant, after seeing her this morning Bas could only imagine what would happen if she was with her thoughts, alone, at this moment.

"That's fine," he took her hand once again and lead her towards his open cabin door.

Her heart felt heavy as she slumped down on the narrow bed. Everything ached with a vengeance and all Mara wanted to do was curl into a ball and weep. At least with Bas watching she would be able to control herself.

"I'll let you get changed," he mumbled, she was only in a shirt and a pair of trousers but he felt duty bound to keep a distance from her, for his safety as well as her's.

Mara swallowed hard before nodding and turning away. Her fingers fumbled as she undid the buttons and let the thin cotton shirt drop to her feet. Still trembling she tugged off the trousers and stood in the centre of Bas' cabin, naked and weeping.

When she heard Bas leaning his head against the door from the outside, the thump brought her back to reality with a jolt. Stumbling forward, she grabbed a clean shirt Bas left for her and pulled it over her body. It hung longer than the one before, the hem brushed at her knees and she felt comfortably covered to clamber into the bed.

As she pulled the blankets over her body she felt a pang of guilt as she was displacing another man of his bed.

Bas had been counting in his head as he waited to renter his cabin. He hadn't wanted to rush Mara, or walk in on her changing but he also didn't want to waste any time leaving her alone. It was a fine line to walk.

After his sixth count of thirty, he tapped his knuckles lightly on the door. Mara called back to him and he opened the door. She had her back to him, her face pressed against the wall but Bas could tell she was crying.

He sighed heavily, he never wanted to see her with tears on her cheeks. Moving without thought, he slipped in beside Mara. She gave a little gasp of surprise but didn't squirm away.

Bas bit the inside of his cheek as the warmth from Mara touched his skin.

"Are-are you ok?" Bas croaked into the dim light. There was a shuffling of cloth as Mara nodded her head, it was unconvincing for both parties.

When Mara awoke the next morning, the warmth of Bas was gone from the bed and she wondered if he had ever even slept there.

She sat up and looked around the room. She jolted when she saw Bas lying sprawled out on the floor, snoring lightly.

With bare feet, Mara slipped from the bed and silently padded over to Bas, carrying her blanket with her. She paused on tiptoes and took a moment to gaze at his face.

Mara knew she hadn't imagined the feeling of Bas climbing into bed behind her and holding her as she cried. She guessed that once she had fallen asleep Bas had left her and she felt guilty. This was his cabin, his bed and his life, she was just a stowaway in all.

She leant down and lightly dropped the blanket over his figure, hoping it wouldn't wake him up. Unfortunately, Bas had always been a light sleeper, as soon as Mara's feet had his the floorboards he was awake.

Initially, he was just going to wake up with her but when he felt her intense gaze staring at him, he decided to pretend a little while longer.

It was only when he felt the weight and warmth of a blanket fall that he was unable to hide the blooming smile on his lips.

He flicked his eyes open and caught Mara staring intently at his lips. She jumped when her eyes met his and she realised that he had caught her staring.

She mumbled an apology before she flew back into the bed and sat facing the wall. Bas shook his head as he stretched his stiff muscles from the floor. Mara was as skittish as any street cat he had tried to tame during his childhood.

There were things he wanted to tell her, he didn't mind her staring but instead he grabbed his jacket and pulled on his boots before stomping from the room.

Bas shut the door, harder than he had intended and winced as it slammed. Yes, he was angry. His negligence was responsible for the death of his captain, but it wasn't Mara's fault.

He began to stride away from the door but his own conscience held him back. Pausing outside the door once again he could hear the sniffles of Mara's tears.

Feeling heavy, he choked down a deep breath before calling back to her.

"I'll be back with breakfast."