Is the truth better then a dare

The silence in between

It was night 2 of the Sam and Bucky sleeping in the same bed, and already so much had happened in the one night and one day.

Bucky had left the being nasty thing to Sam and was just giving him the silent treatment.

Bucky nor Sam had murmured a word to each other the rest of the day.

So when they both got into bed together, it was so tense.

Bucky got right on the edge again, and faced away from Sam, while Same laid facing Bucky.

Bucky was still figuring out what the hell he felt about Sam. He wasn't sure if he hated him, wanted to be friends with him... or something more.

Deep down he knew he wanted something more, but that was pushed really, really far down.

Sam couldn't help staring at Bucky. Both didn't fall asleep for a while, so they just laid there in complete silence, buried in their own thoughts.

Sam wanted to know what Bucky was thinking about, that's all he wanted to know. That's all he thought about, Bucky. The picture of him stumbling into his room occasionally popped into his mind, which made him want to pull Bucky into a tight hug.

Sam wanted to reach out a pull Bucky close to him and make sure he knows he is safe with him and that he will be ok. He couldn't though. So he just laid there, too lost in thought to go to sleep.

Bucky thought Sam would be asleep by now, and he thought he was facing, so he turned around and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Sam, still wide awake, facing him.

Bucky's eyes popped out of his head and Sam jumped a little bit too, scared of being caught. Of what he wasn't sure.

Bucky went to turn back around but Sam grabbed his arm and pulled him so he couldn't turn around.

Bucky looked at him, confused. They still didn't say anything to each other.

Instead, Sam moved his hand down to Bucky's hands and interlocked their fingers. Bucky tried to pull away but Sam squeezed his hand.

Bucky relaxed a bit, as he continued to stare at Sam, and Sam stared at Bucky, ignoring the fact they were holding hands.

Bucky watched Sam's eyes drift off into a peaceful sleep, something he knew he could never have.

Once he knew Sam was awake, he pulled his hand away and walked downstairs. It felt weird just having Sam's hand there. He missed it already.

It was so weird how he and Sam could communicate without talking.

With Steve, he had to thoroughly explain through words everything but Sam, the managed to just know what was happening. They weirdly understood each other, and I think before when they argued, they were just denying the fact that they actually could get a long but didn't want to.

Sam woke up in the middle of the night and felt really weird, like something was missing. Then he realised that something was a someone.

He wasn't sure if he should bother looking for him, but he didn't know what he was doing up so early. He checked the bathroom, but he wasn't there. He contemplated whether to look for him or just go to sleep. Did he care that much? No, he lied to himself. But what if he was having another panic attack.

Sam rushed downstairs, in panic but let out a deep breathe when he saw him on the sofa drinking coffee.

"Sam?" Bucky choked out in shock.
"Hi um, sorry I didn't know where you were so...."
"I'm fine, go back to sleep."
"Could say the same for you."
"I'm fine, I'll be back soon." He lied.
"Ok" Sam has a feeling he wasn't telling the truth but still went back to sleep, he was quite tired after all.

He feel asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Bucky thought about going back up to bed, but that meant he could fall asleep and he couldn't risk it. He did like the comfort of the bed though.

After sitting there arguing with himself for a while, he finally settled with going back to the bed. He would just make sure not to fall asleep.

Bucky crept upstairs and into bed, trying not to wake Sam.

This time he laid facing Sam, so once again he got watch Sam sleep.

It was only calming and Sam was just so... breath taking. Ugh, Bucky hated thinking stuff like this but these thoughts seemed to slip into his mind a lot of the time. It was hard fighting with them, but he wasn't going to give in.

Bucky felt himself start to drift off, but pulled himself awake. He just wanted to sleep, so badly. He didn't want anything more, but he didn't want anything less then to return to his god damn nightmares.

Tears started blurring his vision. He punched his leg at how weak he was. All he did was cry. That's all he ever did. He could never stopped crying. He should be stronger. He shouldn't be crying, he shouldn't be having nightmares, he isn't a child, but that didn't stop him from crying at how tired he was.

He looked at Sam and wished he could sleep.
He genuinely didn't remember the last time he didn't feel tired. He kind of forgot what that felt like.

Although there was one time where he felt sort of awake.

It was down by the lake. It wasn't just the nature but having Sam accompany him too. Sam sitting there with him reminded him he wasn't alone but it also reminded him he had to be alone.

Bucky turned around, to face the wall in case of Sam seeing him cry.

He let put a deep sigh of frustration and tiredness.

It came round to morning and Bucky had managed to stay awake all night. Time flew by because he was stuck in a loop of thoughts, as usual.

"You came back." Sam mumbled, sleepily.

"I told you I would." Bucky smiled at him.

He got out of bed, to let Sam get dressed and went and made a really, really strong coffee. He hoped this would keep him awake. He made a big breakfast and downed that.

Sam noticed his strange behaviour but had learned best but to question it. Though he sure did question it in his mind.

A/n

First of all, hoped you enjoyed the chapter.

Second of all, starting from next week, I won't be able to post as often but I will try do it every week, at least.

Anyways thanks 💖

~classynat