Miles From Her

Worries and Doubts

Is it right that I gave him another chance?

Mia, get a hold of yourself. You did the right thing.

Here I go again, talking to myself. Does Luke even deserve it?

Of course he does! I can see that he's desperate and he's sincere.

Oh god please tell me that I did what's best for the both of us.

My phone beeped and vibrated in my pocket. Oh shit Lucy's calling.

"Um, hi?"
"So girl, what did you do?"
"Please don't be mad at me..."
"DON'T TELL ME..."
"I gave him another chance."
"You did WHAT?! Mia, have you forgotten what that bastard did? HE TOOK YOU FOR GRANTED. He wasn't there when you're alone. When you're feeling down. When you're crying. When you're THIS close to giving up. Have you forgotten that he doesn't even answer your calls? Or reply to your texts? MIA WAKE UP."
"But Lucy, I LOVE him. Isn't that enough?"
"Oh why is it that that's EVERYBODY'S explanation?! 'But I love him! And he's sorry! He still loves me!' Blah blah blah. Mia, think of the possibilities! He COULD do this again to you. And what I worry the most, is that he'll end up doing it again."
"Don't be like that. I know he won't hurt me again. I know that he realized his mistakes. And I forgive him."
"If you think he's so damn deserving of another chance, answer me. Does he have any plans of going back here? Of being with you again?"

And that left me utterly speechless.

"...Mia? Still there?"
"Um, yeah I just... I never asked him if he could be here. If he could come back for me."
"And THAT is my point. if he couldn't even be here for at least a week or so just to be with you again, then you have to make a decision. Mia, I'm your best friend. I have known you for ages. I know when you're happy, and when you're just pretending to be. I know when you're hurt. And from what I see, you're clinging to this perfect dream of yours, with your perfect guy, living a perfect life. Well Mia, I just don't want you crying for God knows how long again."

And now my eyes are swelling up.
Great. Just great.

"Mia, are you crying? Oh Mia, I'm so sorry. I had to tell you the truth. Please stop, I hate to see you like this. Always hoping. And always ending up disappointed and miserable."
"Lucy, I... I think you're right."
"You bet I am. I'll be there in about half an hour or so, I'll bring ice cream. You prepare the movies and popcorn."
"Mint chip?"
"As always."
"Thanks Lucy."
"Always here, Mia. Always. Now, stop crying! Or else no ice cream."
"Already wiping them!"

Lucy arrived here past noon. We watched LDR movies, as usual. Ever since Luke left for the tour, I've been this girl who's longing for him all the time. I know I'm kind of overreacting, but that's who I am. I've been broken before. Way before Luke. Ever since my ex left me for another girl, I became afraid. Did you ever feel like the longer you're far away with the one you love the most, the more your relationship grows cold? The more you worry that maybe - just MAYBE he found someone else? Someone better than you? That's what it felt like.

"Hey, you're overthinking again. Just relax. Even if I'm against your decision, you do have a point. I guess Luke does love you. If he's sorry for what he's done, and he knew his mistakes, he deserves to be with you again. But I wish he could come back here. That's the only way we could know that he's sincere. That he's ready and dedicated to change."
"And I'm about to find out later."
"Why? What's your plan?"
"I'm gonna call him. Tonight. I'll ask him if he could come here, and you know, have a short vacation or maybe just a meet up."
"And if he declines?"
"I don't know. I guess I'll decide then and there."
"Oh, Mia. Good luck. Call me afterwards okay?"
"Of course, Lucy."
"I'm gonna go now. Gotta get ready for my date with Brett!"
"Ugh. Not another one."
"C'mon Mia, are you jealous?"

That grin. I resisted to nudge her stomach. I gave her my drop-it-or-else-imma-slap-your-face smile.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Ha ha ha, just call him already! And then TELL me the whole story 'kay girl?"
"Whatever. Have fun with Brett!"

She slammed her car door, rolled down her window, and waved goodbye.

I hate being alone. I overthink too much. I know that Luke is giving his full effort to our relationship, but what if he's never coming back? What if he'll find someone else? What if I'm just being used?

Here we go again with the what ifs.

Oh shit, I have to call him now.

I held my phone, looking at Luke's number for five straight minutes. I pressed call.

He picked up at the fifth ring.

"Hi babe! How're you doing?"
"Fine I guess..."
"Hey. What's the matter? I thought we're okay now?"
"Yes, we are. We're okay. I just... I was just going to ask if..."
"If what?"
"If you could come here? Visit me for a couple of days? I don't know, I just miss you. So much."
"Mia, I miss you so damn much too, but..."
"But what?"
"...we're not done with the tour?"
"Oh. Okay. Yeah, um... I just thought... I thought... You... I- never mind. You go ahead. I'm sure you guys are super busy right now anyways."
"I'm sorry, babe. I really really want to go. It's just... The tour, and writing songs, and the boys-"
"It's okay, Luke. Really. It's fine."
"I'm gonna make it up to you, babe. I promise."
"..."
"Mia? Still there?"
"...yeah."
"Hey babe, call you later? Band practice will start soon. Love you!"
"Love you t-"

Call ended.