Miles From Her

Falling Apart

I'm not fine at all.

The boys and I arrived in Spain just about a week ago. This is gonna be our third concert for ROWYSO Tour at the Barclaycard Center in Madrid.

I'm supposed to be happy. Heck, I'm supposed to be stoked! But look at me, all gloomy and shit because of my recent break up.

As we arrived at the stadium to prepare, everything went fine. Just a few practices and we're off to our hotel to rest.

"Hey Luke, why the wrong face?" Ashton mumbled over toasted bread.
"Nothing. I just-"
"Oh will you stop pretending? You're like that since we came here. C'mon, we're supposed to rock this! So tell me. What's the matter?"
Took a deep breath. Remembering what she said to me a week before over phone.
"Mia broke up with me, Ash. And now I don't know if I'll get to play tonight."
"Shit, Luke. Get a hold of yourself. I've known Mia, and she'll come around. She loves you, Luke. I've seen you two all mushed up when you're together. You two can fix this."
"I hope so. Thanks, Ash."
"Always here, bro. Always. Now, let's bring the house down!"
"Wow Ash. Just wow."
"Hey, my accent's funny! Innit?"
I laughed at the thought of American Ashton.
"Whatever man."

Curtain opened,
Heard the crowd roar.

The band was stoked for this concert, since it was our first time in Spain this year. The crowd radiated excitement and warmth. I hear everyone screaming my name.

"LUKE! LUKE! YOU'RE MY PENGUIN! I LOVE YOU! MARRY ME! LUKE YOU'RE MY SUNSHINE!"

The opening riffs to Beside You blared in the speakers and amplifiers. Lighters and glow sticks raised in the air. I started singing, everyone joined in. And then it hit me.

She sleeps alone, my heart wants to come home. I wish I was, I wish I was, beside you.

Fuck. I can't do this. I just fucking can't. I miss her so damn much it hurts.

Not a second goes by that I don't think of her. Every beat of Ash's drums, every strum of Mikey's guitar, every low key of Calum's bass, reminds me of her.

HER. The way she walks, with that thing that she does with her hips. The way she sweeps her hair to reveal that beautiful, perfect face. The way she plays with my hands, and the way she bites my lip ring as we kiss.

Where did it all went wrong? Was I the one to blame? The band is so fucking busy with touring, and writing songs, and going to interviews and parties, and it's just pure shit that I can't even reply to her texts.

Maybe that's it. We lost the connection. We lost our sense of being together. Long distance relationships are so fucking hard, I know. I can't even see her personally, and just a simple text, I can't send.

Well now I feel like shit.

Calum came to me. "Bro, what's wrong?! We're in the middle of a concert!" He said through loud guitar riffs and intense beats.

"Snap out of it!" But I can't speak. I can't think clearly.

As I walked out of the stage, the whole stadium fell silent. Screams went off. Even Mikey called me out.

"Luke! LUKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
I saw the exit gates. I ran as fast as I could. Wiping the tears in my eyes, I went out to find a place to lie down.

Rush seeping through my veins, sadness and exhaustion kicking in, I stopped and laid down on the grass. I looked up. I saw the stars. And I remembered. I remembered the moment we were both so happy, her smile ever so beautiful, her voice as sweet as sugar, her face pressed against mine.

"As countless as the stars in the sky, I will be with you forever. I love you, Luke. I love you so much. I won't ever let you go. We will be far apart, but we can do this. Don't fool around while on tour okay?"

I smiled and kissed her. Hard. "Oh babe, if you ever feel alone, just look at the stars, and remember that we're both underneath the same sky. I will be back for you. I promise."

As I blinked, everything faded away. She was now just a memory. Damn it, I miss her.
I miss her so bad. I wish I could just hold her close.

Without thinking, I pulled my phone out, dialed her number, and waited.
"Hi!.."
"Oh shit, babe, Mia, I..."
"I'm busy right now, but I'll call you back. Just leave a message after the beep."

Fuck. Voicemail.

Fuck this damn phone. Fuck this tour. Fuck this shitty life. Fuck every damn person in love. And FUCK. EVERYTHING.

Okay Luke. Just chill. FUCKING CALM DOWN.

I just need to hear her voice. One last time. I need to get her back.

*BEEP*

"Babe, please pick up. I know I've been a bad boyfriend, but I'll make it up to you. I promise. Just take me back. I can't do this without you. Please. Be with me again. I'll treat you right this time."

Still no answer. Still another beep. Still alone. Still miserable. Still messed up. Still didn't get her back. I can't hold back the tears. Not any longer.

But I have to. I have to finish the concert. I have to shake this off. I have to put things in perspective.

I will get her back. I will. After all I promised her.

I pushed myself up, rushed down the stadium, picked up my guitar, and came back like nothing happened.

"Sorry, had to deal with something first. But - I'M BACK! Let's rock this out!"
The crowd screamed and applauded. Calum and Michael were glaring at me.

"Not to worry, Lukey here's just got some unfinished business." Michael blurted.
"We would like to thank you for being great tonight!" Calum said.
"Yeah. The last song we're gonna play is a cover of Barbie Girl! Thank you, and good night!"

Ash started hammering the drums. He still amazes me every time.
I'm glad I have the boys to be around with. They still give me hope.

"Simmer down, simmer down..."
"...and I know now, that I'm so down."
"GOOD NIGHT MADRID!" Ash shouted as we ended the song.

We took our final bow, then headed off the stage.

"The fuck was that about?" Michael immediately asked.
"Nothing. I just-"
"You just WHAT?" He slammed his fists at the table.
"I just wanted to talk to her! To fix everything. To get her back."
"Dude, WAKE UP. We're here for you and everything, but you can't just leave like that!"
"I... I... I'm so sorry lads. Won't happen again."
Calum paced back and forth. Looking at me with those sad puppy eyes.
"Yeah it won't. Because we're helping you get her back."
Determined, I said "Yeah. I WILL. Thanks lads."
Ashton rubbed his sore hands. Michael fell flat on the couch. Calum ran to the fridge finding Vegemite.

My phone was vibrating like crazy. I checked who's calling.

SHIT.

IT'S HER.