Bad Decisions (Part 1)

Chapter 1: Orientation

I woke up to my sister pulling on the blanket. I tossed and turned like I have been for hours since I came to bed, but this is typical. Tomorrow, I attend orientation for college this fall.

They say that college is supposed to be the best years of your life. When I graduated, everyone told me that these are the years I start a new chapter in my life. I never liked high school because it was so full of cliches and expected dramas. So I waited for 4 years to start college. To start over. Now, it was the last thing I wanted.

The one person from high school that I actually cared about is someone I was leaving behind. He was the last person I wanted to hurt and leave behind. He was everything to me and I hated watching us fade away and become lost in the drifted memories I have from high school.

He deserves better. You deserve better.

I roll over to reach for my phone. I sent a DM to @itsalex.

You up?

I wait for about 2 minutes and receive a message back.

Yea. Can't sleep

I stared at the message before responding. About 2 weeks after I officially graduated, I received a request from someone. @itsalex. I hadn't known an Alex, so I looked through his account and found he also recently graduated. I hesitate before I accept the request. We have been talking ever since.

I haven't told him my name. He follows my art account which remains anonymous. I guess it never came up and he hasn't pushed me to tell him so I choose to remain anonymous.

I respond.

Me either. Orientation for the college commitment program is tomorrow and I'm nervous

You mean today. It's Monday morning lol

I smile. I checked the time and indeed it was. 3:30 am

We should try to sleep.

Seen 3:32 am

I put my phone down and tried to fall asleep again. I lay awake staring at my ceiling. I remembered graduation. Everything was vivid in my mind. As soon as the caps were thrown into the air, everything escalated.

"I'm sorry" I finally said after a long, loud silence. I stare into his eyes and he immediately looks away from me and faces the window.

"No, you're not. If you were, you wouldn't do this" he begins to get up from the chair to walk away when I hold his arm to hold him back.

"Please understand. It has nothing to do with how much I love you." I pause before I let my voice crack. Holding back my tears, I step closer to him. "I love you" I whispered. He cries in front of me and yanks his arm from my grip.

"No, this isn't fair" I winced at his words and let the tears run down my cheeks. I truly loved him, he was my best friend. I never ever wanted to end things with him. We have only been together for 2 months and that didn't feel like enough time. My parents and I discussed it when I first told them. I had told them months after we started dating because I was afraid of what they would say. They loved him as my best friend, but as soon as they learned he was my boyfriend, everything changed. Because I was graduating, leaving him behind as a senior, I had to cut things off.

I remained speechless. I didn't want to hurt him anymore. I looked down and blinked so the tears ran down my cheeks. He comes close.

"Look into my eyes and tell me: is this what you really really want?" I moved my mouth to say something, but words didn't come out. He scoffs and pulls away. I call out his name and he turns around. His eyes turned angry and hurt. The bright friendly eyes that I fell for were now dark and numb. In this moment, the dark side of him came out and that's when I knew: