Bad Decisions (Part 1)

Chapter 5: Christmas

Hunter and I had been officially dating for about a month and so far, it has been rocky. He has been very present in the relationship but there have been days where I'm not. Our friend group has been very supportive, especially Niki. Ever since I gave her advice, we have been inseparable since. She became my best friend, someone who I confided everything with.

Alex was also a very close friend to me. We had started to talk more since he was in the engagement room longer than Hunter was. He helped me study and in exchange, I became someone he relied on for advice and a venting zone. He had been on and off with his new girl and I can tell he was serious about her. They were currently off so I had tried hard to cheer him up.

Hunter has been sweet for the past few months, but I felt like there was something missing. I went on dates with him and even tried to talk to him about it, but everything seems to be okay from his end.

At least according to him.

It is now Christmas time and today, the group and I (including Hunter) were going to a Christmas market. I was very excited since it was my first year going. Hunter was going to pick me up and we would meet the rest there.

I walk up to Hunter's car and get in. I greet him with a kiss on the cheek. He smiles weakly, saying

"Hi Lia." I smile.

"Hey Hunter."

"Ready?"

I nod and he starts his car. Before he puts the car in drive, I tell him

"Wait. We should talk." He pauses and turns off the car.

"Okay. What about?" he replied unsteady.

I sighed and explained,

"I am sorry we haven't been communicating lately. I have a lot going on at home and on top of that, I have been busy with school and work. I never see you on campus because you're in class when I'm not and I'm in class when you're not. And in all honesty, I haven't felt like myself lately." He nods and adds,

"I'm sorry too. I haven't been feeling this lately and it's because we don't talk like we did when we met." I saw the sadness in his eyes when he said "I just really like you and I don't want to lose you, but it feels like I have." I shut my eyes to keep the tears from coming up. I hated to see him upset and I never wanted him to feel that way. I put my hand on his.

"You haven't lost me. I'm here." He looked at me for 5 seconds before kissing me, holding my face in his hands and deepened the kiss. I really liked Hunter, but the kisses didn't feel the same. I told myself that it was the distance and that we needed to reconnect again.

So I tried.

We arrived at the market and we saw one part of the group and we all greeted each other. I greet Niki first and then Alex. I hugged Alex with a hint of sympathy and tried to make him feel better from his breakup part 5.

"Hey! How are you?" he laughs at my stupid question and breaks the hug to look at me

"I'm good." We made eye contact for a very long time and I noticed Hunter watching us from the corner of my eye. I pulled away from Alex and went back to Hunter's side. I reach for his hand, but he ignores it, walking off with the other half of the group: Lisa, Julia and Clay. I frown, but Niki comes up to me linking her arm in mine and asks

"Hey. Are things good between you and Hunter?" I frowned

"It has been weird lately and I don't know why." I shrug, trying not to make it into a big deal but I think she saw right through my act.

"He looked pretty pissed when he saw you with Alex." I looked at her to say something but she immediately knew what I was thinking.

"You have something for Alex." she guessed in almost a whisper. I nudge her to keep her from saying it too loud for Hunter to hear.

"Shh! I do not!"

"You so do! I notice the way you look at him. It's the same way he looks at you!" she covers up her mouth after saying too much. My eyes widened and my mouth flew open.

"Stop! You know I'm with Hunter!" I hissed in a playful manner. She giggles and I roll my eyes. We both laughed and walked faster to catch up with the rest of the group. We tried different foods in different stands and even watched a few artists perform on stage. The group split up again as some went off to the attractions while others went to walk around the park.

Niki went off with Clay and I scanned the park to find Hunter. He was sitting alone on a bench staring at the ground. I frown and walk up to him to check on him.

"Hey! I've been looking for you." He looked up at me and went back to staring at the ground.

"Yeah, I'm sure you were." I sighed and closed my eyes. I sat on the bench next to him.

"Okay. What's wrong?" I rub his back and he scoots away from me. I pull my hand away. "Hunter?"

"Are you not into me anymore?" Shocked at his question, I opened my mouth to say something but all that came out was "What?"

"Are you into someone else? Are you not feeling this anymore? What is the prob-" I cut him off

"Wait, wait. What are you talking about? Why would you think that" he shrugged and I shook my head.

"Of course I'm into you. Where is this coming from? I don't-"

"Why aren't you being honest with me?" Again, I had no words.

"I'm not being honest? You're the one pulling away and distancing yourself from not only me but the rest of the friend group after telling me that everything was okay, that we were okay," I argued. This conversation felt like my ex from high school all over again, only I was not in the wrong because I had done everything to keep this relationship stable and I was the one getting the blame assigned to. Hunter scoffs and stands up.

"You told me you haven't been feeling yourself and that you've been busy and that's why we haven't been communicating."

"Yes. I-"

"You've been acting like yourself the whole night! You are in a happy mood with Niki, Clay, Lisa, Julia and Alex." He said his name like it was a bad word. "It's like you're only not yourself around me." He softens his tone and turns away from me.

I had realized I had been acting distant from him and it was because I felt no connection to him anymore. I knew he did and didn't want to hurt him. I realized the more I tried to force this relationship, the more I was hurting him and disappointing him. I stand up and turn him around to face me again.

"Just tell me you aren't feeling this, and we can call it. We can be friends but you just need to be honest with me." I feared cutting him off would result in losing him forever, even as a friend. I loved his company and I didn't want to lose another person in my life. With that, I respond,

"I love you." He looked up shocked at my response. He smiled indefinitely and hugged me so tightly, I felt his heartbeat. I smiled and hugged him even tighter. He whispered in my ear,

"I love you too.