Bad Decisions (Part 1)

Chapter 10: Back to School

Over the break, I did not text Alex, nor did he reach out to me. I rarely talked to anyone from school. I had sex with Alex and I felt empty inside. I was no longer a virgin and I gave my virginity to someone who was not even my boyfriend.

I replayed that day in my head over and over again for the remainder of the break. I cringe every time and sink my head into my pillow and wish I could crawl in a hole. I felt gross and ashamed.

Sunday night, I lied in bed and watched some Netflix when I got a notification on my phone. I didn't even bother picking it up to see who it was but it buzzed twice. Confused, I reach over to take a glance. Hunter.

Hey, is there any way we can meet up before classes tomorrow? Need to talk to you. My eyes widened and I threw my phone across the room. Hunter. What was I supposed to tell Hunter? Was I supposed to? We were technically broken up, so it wasn't wrong. The only problem is that he and Alex were friends. ARE friends! I cringe again and throw a pillow over my face and press it so hard onto my face, my eyes start to see galaxies. I swallowed the lump in my throat, but eventually gave in and sobbed into my pillow until I cried myself to sleep.

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I woke up to my mom banging on the wall to get up. I sit in bed startled and look over at the clock to check the time. I was going to be late for my first day back to school. I groan and turn on my side. I had no motivation to go to school since I still felt like shit. My mom kept banging on the wall until I got up. I went to the bathroom and took a shower.

I stood under the showerhead and let the hot water reach every part of my body. I loved taking showers in the morning but always had a hard time getting out. I turned the shower valve closest to the left to let the water get hotter so it almost burned my skin. I wanted to clean myself entirely so hot water was the move.

As much as I hated what happened, I couldn't stop thinking about it. The sensations I got every time he traced his fingers all over my body. I knew what we did was wrong, but wrong felt right. Because he didn't talk to me for days, I didn't think he felt the same way. I just felt like another one of his conquests. Maybe if we hadn't done what we did, we would do things the right way. Now, it was too late.

I finally got out of the shower and went to my closet and found an oversized sweater and leggings. I didn't bother with makeup today and went into the kitchen for breakfast. I had woken up early so for once, I had time to eat something before I left. Everyone was still asleep so I quietly ate cereal and checked my Instagram feed. I saw Alex posting pictures with the group, going to different places with them. I guess he didn't mention anything to the group, but kind of ghosted me. I knew he seemed like a jerk, but he didn't know he was my first and I didn't bring it up because I didn't want him to feel bad or anything. It was my decision and now I have to lay in the bed I made for myself.

I finished my cereal and made my way to the door to get to school on time. When I was on the way to school, I put on my headphones and listened to music. I enjoyed listening to music because it was my escape from the world. On the way, I ran into Lisa. From afar, she waved and I smiled in response. She approached me and hugged me.

"Hey! I haven't seen you around in a while." she smiled sadly, remembering Valentine's Day party.

"Have you talked to him?" I shook my head and she hugged me again.

"It will get better." We arrived at school and had to part ways.

"I'll see you later Lia." I nodded and smiled and waved. She walked towards the Science building and I was headed towards the library when I got a text from Hunter.