Stolen Lullaby

Manifesting Hope

Caring for a premature baby at home has the potential to make any parent feel like their hearts are in their throats 98% of the day even when their child is sleeping. Due to her initial underdeveloped lungs and the massive set-back Carol caused, Maisie required supplemental oxygen at all times. The oxygen meter constantly needed to be adjusted, and made a hair -raising beeping sound if her saturation levels were off. Though it made them sad to see their little girl be tethered to a mini tank everywhere she went, Taylor and Joe still counted themselves as blessed that she was not only alive but thriving. Sophie adored her sister and spent hours with her playing or reading her storybooks, often times Maisie's oxygen needed to be adjusted up when Sophie came into the room because Maisie was so excited to see her. Life in general felt like it was reaching the peaceful shores of calm after the hellish months they had just lived through but there was always a lingering feeling of trepidation that the next danger was right around the corner.

"So, what exactly is this magic sock supposed to do?" Joe studied a box that had arrived in the mail.

"When you put it on the baby's foot it's supposed to send real time measurements of their heart rate, breathing rate and oxygen levels to an app in our phones so we can track if baby ever needs assistance." Taylor replied studying the little blue cuff and the instruction manual that came with it.

"That sounds like some space age shit." Joe said pulling Maisie onto his lap giving her sides a bit of a tickle managing to elicit a giggle from her as she chewed her hands.

"It might sound like space age stuff but if it will help us relax enough to leave her alone for even five minutes then I'll count it as a win." She placed the cuff on Maisie's foot and waited for the app on her phone to engage. Sure enough a set of vitals popped up showing the real time ebb and flow actions of Maisie's body.

"For real?" Joe was almost skeptical that it could be accurate. He leaned over to compare the oxygen rate the app was reporting to the level her supplement tank was reading. Sure enough the numbers were nearly identical. The magic boot gave Taylor enough confidence to put Maisie to bed in her nursery while she went to take a bath. She took her phone with her so the app would tell her if there was any distress or adjustments that needed to be made. Pouring so much care into the girls made Taylor often forget that her own health had not returned to 100% yet. Since returning from the hospital she felt as if she had aged decades within just a few months. Any kind of physical exercise rapidly depleted her energy and she'd have to sit down to rest. Climbing the long staircase upstairs to the bedrooms on the second floor was a work of endurance that made her have to stop half way to catch her breath. Joe had offered to temporarily move their bedroom downstairs so she wouldn't have to deal with the stairs but she had refused insisting the exercise would build up her endurance. The doctors had assured her that eventually her energy levels would go back to normal but this "eventual" seemed to be taking its sweet time. While running the bath water Taylor studied herself in the bathroom mirror tracing the raised scar between her breasts and the residual healing bruising around her chest area. Her lower abdomen still bore the horizontal scar from where her C-Section was performed. All at once she began to feel insecure about the way her body looked. There was so much ugly scaring that would probably never heal back to its normal state. She felt like a monster that had its parts ripped apart and stitched back together.

"Babe can I join you? I'm could use a bath too." Joe knocked on the door and called out before inviting himself in. Taylor blinked back a few tears of frustration before answering him back.

"Yeah for sure, just give me a second." She hastily looked around finding her bathrobe, slipping it on to cover herself. "You can come in." she called back making sure the robe was tied securely.