how shed eeran conquered the world

7

5's pov

Hey darlings ! 👋 OMG (oh my god) It's my first time using this Social Networking site called what pad . But anyway , Allow me to introduce myself ! 😊 😃 😀

My name is 5 ! ♥️ I am named after my mother's grandma's daughter's auntie's nephew's niece's pet hamster that Passed away due to a sever case of self diagnosed Hayfever 🐹 🪦 #RestInPiece #RIP #JustDeadThings #Hayfevercore

I am a proud mother of 4 Beautiful , Amazing kids  🤩 😻 😍 😁 They're names are Diarrhoea-Rose, Coronà-Leigh , Vagina-Anne and Chlamydia-Mae💕 🥰 I love my beautiful kids so much 💗❤️❤️‍🔥

This is a #SELFIE That I took the other day ! LOL (laugh out loud) 😂 😝 aren't I so Silly??? 😜 😝 🤣 #LOL #JustMomThings #RollingMyEyes #Crazy #Goofy #Wild

Yesterday , I did something really #Goofy I cheated on my 16th Husband !!!! 😂 😜 LMAO (laughing my * off) Serves him right for turning up to the PTA meeting and making Inappropriate glances at the Principal !!! 🙄 😒 #Ugh #SMH #RollingMyEyes #Girlboss #Girlpower #Feminist

I was in such a Goofy , Silly , Crazy Mood today so I decided to meet up with my best friends in the Ordinary Sofa in the Ordinary Room where there are extraordinary heroes who are standing by to zoom  !! The same place where me and the Gang defeated Spooky Spoon 😜 🤣 😂 #JustNumberjackThings

Selfie of Me and the girls 👌✨💋💖👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏽🌟💗 #Gals #GalPals #GirlsNightOut #JustMomThings #Boss #WomanPower #GirlPower #MomLife #Besties # BFFS (best friends forever) #YasQueen #MilennialThings #SquadGoals

This morning , as I was On my way to Work I came across a young adolescent wearing a Hooded track suit. I wondered , What on earth is this Youngster doing On their own and where are their parents ??!!?? #SMH #YouthsTheseDays

'Oi what u saying g? Oi nah nah blud come say that to my face yeah init Mans thinking shes so hard n that just coz of ya teal aqua turquoise trackies from JD init but in reality ur just one of them Karens u know what im saying yh'

So I replied 'I beg your pardon? What kind of Obscene language are they teaching you kids at school these days? In my day you would have got smacked in the face if you talked that way! Don't you have any respect young man? Where are you parents i need to have a word with them'

'Nah nah g allow it yh i aint tryna let some middle aged pussio tell me what the fuck to do mans gonna do what he wants innit fam, Come loud to me once more yh and ill shank u behind Lidl carpark init g'

'Oh Good heavens can you please talk english for once in your life? Is this the way you speak to your adults? Or to any grown up? And for the record I don't even shop at Lidl. It's prices are way too extortionate I prefer to purchase my Groceries from an #EcoFriendly small business that my friend Tracy shared with me called Sainsbury's. What's your name anyway you mischievous youngster?'

'Oi fam allow it yh no one wants to hear ur life story innit yh and my names T2Swifty 🥶🦠🔪 but like not that it matters or anything ya get me cause wtf are u even gonna do call the feds on me or something PUSSIO FAM *spits in face*'

'Young man that is incredibly rude of you! I am indeed going to have to go to the police because your behaviour is absolutely #OutOfHand '

several minutes later

Can you believe it? The police officers wouldn't do anything about my #WeirdSituation #StrangeEncounter #AwkwardMoment 😬 And they said it was because My head is shaped like a Peanut!!  🍌I am not even Joking right now That is what the police said to me. 👮‍♂️ I do not see the Problem I mean i rather like peanuts 🍎 they are rather nutritional and I feel my kids them every day. Although, whenever I give them to Chlamydia she always looks like her face is all puffed up after. Kids these days, eh? Always being ungrateful when their Mother (me) gives them food to eat. Sigh.. I dont know anymore! #KidsTheseDays #MomLife #JustMomThings #GirlBoss #Boss #Queen #GirlPower #Feminist #WomanOfCulture #AllGrownUp #Sigh #RollingMyEyes #EyeRoll #WhitePeopleThings #StrugglesOfBeingWhite