Sorry, I Love You

Chapter 5

Song: Gone Away - Stray Kids

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"Since when? Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Minho shouted. He didn't mean to shout, but it happened as a reflex. He saw Seungmin's face darken and immediately regretted it.

"Babe, can you head home first? I'll come after talking with Seungmin, text me when you reach home, okay?" Minho questioned, to which Jisung nodded. Minho patted him on the head, before he left. This scene cause the oh so familiar aching feeling to bubble up in Seungmin.

Seeing it's just the two of them now, he started his explanation, "It has nothing to do with you, does it? I'm aware of all the things you've done for me during my period of memory loss and I'm really grateful for it. Now that I'm back, spend more time with your lover and let's return back to being classmates. He must have been devastated when you left him alone most of the time for 6 months." He got his memories back, so there's no valid reason to stick to him now.

"Minnie, what are you talking about? Of course it has everything to do with me. You're my friend and I care for you equally." Minho was confused.

"Heh, just friends? What if I want us to be more than friends, but it's impossible, cause you're already dating Jisung. I'm weird, right?" Seungmin was close to tearing up. The immense amount of pressure of seeing those two together is too much to bear.

That moment when his emotions and tears flowed out continuously, before continuing. "I understand and accept the fact that you're with Jisung, but I still feel sad and hurt. Honestly, when I confessed to you on that day, I already knew that answer, but was unwilling to let go. I tried forgetting about those painful feelings, I really did, but it just won't go away. There's many people by your side that can replace me, but for me, I have no one." Seungmin babbled out everything from his hear, tears streaming down his cheeks, unable to stop, no matter how much he wiped.

"I'm sorry..." Minho was speechless. He knew Seungmin might have a crush on him. I mean with those red-flushed face that he has on every time Minho approaches him were hard to miss. But he didn't know that it would be this bad.

"No, like I said before, it was never your fault, you did nothing wrong. It's me who fell for you in the beginning, but it's alright now. I'll let you go slowly. I'll get going now, I apologise for all the actions I've done that might have made you or Jisung uncomfortable." Seungmin sniffled and re-assured him with a light smile, before leaving the school grounds. Minho was left to process who just happened. Everything went by in an instant that he didn't get a chance to talk.

Seungmin reached home and dashed to his room, crying his lungs out. He didn't care if it hurts and wouldn't disturb anyone. Nothing hurts more than the jealously he feels, plus his parents won't be home till 7 and Felix is out again.

*1 Year Later*

Seungmin has been avoiding the couple ever since the conversation he had with Minho. It was going smoothly when he spotted the couple in a distance and a sickly thorny feeling emerged in his throat, accompanied by the urge to vomit. Not wasting a beat, he dashed to one of the bathroom cubicle and release the contents in his stomach.

It's not a surprise that he has Hanahaki disease. A disease that only appears in unrequited love and can be treated with 2 solutions, Surgery or returned feelings. If none of the options are chosen in time, the victim will suffocate to death. Seungmin got this disease the very same day he cried himself to sleep and has been hiding it ever since, not even Felix knew about it.

Having Minho to return his feelings is not possible, so Seungmin considered taking the surgery, but quickly dismissed the random thought. He would rather wait till the day he die from the overcrowding of flowers than forget the dear feelings he had for the past 5 years. He was more than aware that the amount of time till that happens is not much and was ready.

*Day of Graduation*

Minho searched around for the young black-haired male, but couldn't find him anywhere. They haven't talked for months and the other haven't replied or answered his call, making him worried if something happened to him.

Out of the blue, a middle-aged couple came up to him and handed him a letter. He recognised them to be Seungmin's parents from one of the parents meetings in high school and thanked them. Keeping then letter safe in his bag, he hope he could head home right away.

After another hour, the graduation party finally ended and Minho couldn't be much happier. If you wondered what happened to Jisung, they broke up during the last week before graduating, since Minho just couldn't pay attention to him. They are still on good terms though.

Increasing his speed, he reached home in no time and went to his room, after greeting his parents. Opening the letter, tears welled up in his eyes and started crying. There was a baby breath flower, which symbolises 'Everlasting Love' and the letter read:

Dear Min,

Thank you for all the times you've accompanied and done for me, I was really happy when you spent your time to take care of me. Don't blame or hurt yourself for this, I had Hanahaki disease for 2 years and refuse to take the surgery, stubborn aren't I? Haha. Sorry for keeping it from you.

After all, I fell in love with someone that I can never achieve. I clearly know that I can't have, but still fell into the black hole of love. My crush for you is not due to your appearance or studies, but you approached me first and gave me what others can't give me.

I started the idea of leaving you, not because I hate you nor have I lost interest in you, but the action that made me think that your world doesn't lack my presence. Loving you is useless when the other doesn't return the feelings, it will always be a unrequited love.

I've been wondering, why is it so hard to let someone go. I clearly did the preparations to not disturb you. But within one night, all the feeling that I kept hidden unfolds by itself, despite how I struggle or escape, I couldn't stop it. Actually, I already know that we will have no ending, but knowing it is useless, I still love you...

To speak the truth, I never regret knowing you. Instead, I'm glad to have known you and very lucky to have met such a wonderful and bright person, the only regret is not having you by my side in the end. If I could have another chance, I would like to meet you once again from the beginning, then the journey afterwards, I promise I will never fall in love with you anymore.

Forget about me, Min. Don't grieve over a dead person like me and focus on your future. Felix told you broke up with Jisung, cause things didn't work out. You will definitely find someone who loves you the same way I do, just like the way u told me in our second year, trust me on that.

I'll always love you and stay by your side, Minho. Good bye.

Yours,

Kim Seungmin

Minho was shocked to learn that Seungmin had been keeping such a life-threatening information from him. If he had known, or maybe even realise his feelings for the male, they would know have a happy life. Devastated was the word to describe how he felt right at this moment. Minho spent the rest of the day mourning and crying over Seungmin, as he know that he had forever lost the guy he loves.

*Timeskip*

It's been several years and Minho is dating a senior, Bang Chan, who majors in song-writer. They met through the recommendation of Jisung, since they were in the same major. It took Minho several months to get over Seungmin's death, but with the help of the two, things got much better.

Chan was an amazing boyfriend, who stayed by his side during his hard times and even accompanied Minho to the grave every day, no matter how busy he was. Everything ends well with ups and downs that was provided with tears and pain.

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There there, that's the end of this fanfic.

I feel bad for Seungmin, but hope you like it. Peace out~