Sonder

Chapter 27

"I think our anatomy teacher is gay," Ryan says as they exit the anatomy dissection room. Their dissection director is a curtly subdued young bibliophile with eternally precise hair. Short and sharp around his clinically clean bald crown. He has a bookish and severe manner of a passionate grey professor. But his youth is betrayed by his sly humor and Energizer Bunny Inexhaustability. He is 23, this is his first year teaching his own class.

"But, he's married. I think. And, he's a basketball coach..." Nick provides these counterpoints to Ryan's conjecture. 

"Doesn't matter, he could have bought the ring at a thrift shop." Ryan rolls his eyes, cracks his neck, and laughs, "I can't believe you don't see it".

"I think your 'goo-goo' is gunking your gay-dar Gumby". Nick underscores 'goo-goo' with fluttering lashes.

"Whatever..." Ryan changes subjects, "wanna go grocery shopping?"

They ran into Tyler on their way into the parking lot. He joins because he has pelon pelo rico on his mind.

***

Ryan's arms are wrapped around bags of off-brand cereal, vegetables, and milk. "Do you want a cart?" Nick asks him.

"No, no. I'm good. This is part of my dietary philosophy. The stores and the corporations thrive on people using carts big enough to haul a horse. This promotes overconsumption. You see, if you have a big enough container... On some level, you're going to try to fill it. And, if you're pushing it around on wheels, you never have to feel the weight of what you're gathering. It's unsatisfying. Gluttonous." Ryan lifts the load in his arms, "This, I have to think about. I have to maximize my choices. I have to feel the weight. It's a bit of a hunter/gatherer experience. ALSO, it keeps me quick. I can't hold this stuff all day long. It forces me to get in and get out."

***

"Do you remember kindergarten?" Nick asks Ryan as they're wandering the aisles of 'The Food Bannanna', a garishly yellow Latinx grocery store near their apartment.

"Um, yeah." Ryan responds condescendingly.

"Did you know, like, back then, did you know you were gay?"

Ryan chuckles and his eyes kind of count his eyelashes as he thinks. "Umm... I dunno... I think so. But, that was pretty early."

"So... do you think... I mean... Well... I wondered if... Did we make you gay back then?" Nick stammers and itches himself nervously like Jon Leguizamo or Woody Allen. He's starting and stopping qualifying words. He's trying to work his way out of this awkward conversation.

Ryan is bemused, viewing Nick's discomfort, but he's also confused. Tyler is intrigued. "I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what you're talking about." Ryan shrugs. Nick looks around as if he's about to share top-secret information. He coughs.

"We ah, we um... kissed," 

"Ha! What?!" Ryan and Tyler burst out with shocked laughter. Ryan shuffles through his mental files searching for something long lost. "Ahhhh..." Ryan starts to recall, "It wasn't like we made out. If I remember... we were just mimicking cartoons. Right?" Nick nods, "Like, wasn't it a stunt, to gross other kids out? Like eating boogers." 

"Yup. That was it."

"Oh... yeah. Ok. Yeah, I had forgotten about that. I can't believe you remember..." Ryan is sage and placid as ever, "You're odd Nick. Nope. It was not your hot hot lovin' that lit my fruit flame. Sorry stud."

***

Nick is impressed as they're unloading groceries at the apartment. It's amazing what a person can carry in their arms if they really commit to it. The freezer is empty except for an eighth of Rasberry Smirnoff. "Hey, my dad will let us have as much beef as we can handle. Anything you'd like? Hamburger, roast..." 

"I don't eat meat," Ryan tells him.

"Oh? Why?" Hearing that might have sounded rough, Nick adds: "Hey. I was vegetarian for five months last year. For dietary reasons mostly. What are yours?"

"I dunno Nicky. All of them? I just... It felt like the thing to do. I stopped eating fast food my sophomore year (Nick and Tyler nod, they too sworn off fast food in recent years). And that just led to me eating less and less meat. Maybe because it seems like unnecessary karma. And, my body seems to like it. I mean, I'll eat fish sometime. Sometimes chicken... if I'm really craving it. But, for the most part, I just stick to my," Ryan lifts the large bag of Cinnamon Toast Crunch "My cereal. Why did you stop being vegetarian?"

Nick info-dumps all about his vegetarian experimentation. Talking about the benefits, karmic, ethical, and health-wise... But... "It was just such a hassle! Everywhere I went. Meat! Add on top of that, I'm trying to consume 7,000 calories a day during swim season. I need all the protein and calories I can get my hands on. I can only handle so many protein shakes. And, it's depressing for me to witness meat get wasted. I'm always saving leftovers from getting thrown away. It's a win-win. It's not like I'm seeking out the meat, it's just there. And it's not like me, as one individual. It's not like me abstaining from meat... that's not going to change the awfulness of industrial meat. The industry is horrible. My family is involved in every stage of beef. It's horrible. But... Just as horrible as the cruelty... Waste. Imagine these animals going through all of that... all of those resources, water, feed, fuel... Imagine all of that has happened. It cannot be undone. But, there the meat is, at its final destination... and the vegetarian just skips over it, so it just goes in the trash. To actually solve the problem, there needs to be a much larger cultural shift... there need to be incentives to motivate meat producers to scale down their production... And I just love bacon." Nick adds this last part, trying for comic relief, feeling a bit outspoken.

"Interesting. Yeah. You might be right. I just like how my body feels." Ryan says.

"Fair enough. That's a good reason," Nick agrees.