High School sucks (Frikey)

Alone

Mikey

Finally, I see my house. Gee's not gonna be home until 7pm because he said he was staying late to check the pathetic, as he said, artworks.

It's just 11am when I pulled out my spare keys and opened the door. Finally. I opened the door and looked around, thinking.

Mom and dad have been long gone because of their drinking problems. Sadly, they'd been drinking because they never wanted us as their children, so they started drinking that they got so drunk they started abusing me and they kicked me out one time because I said I was gay. Yes me, I was always the quiet one, always present at home, when they have nothing to do, and when they're drunk as fuck... Yeah... Fuck my life. Gerard told me to move out of the house, away from them and to live with him, so I had to say 'yes please'. "Had" makes it sound like a requirement.

Ever since, Gerard had been taking care of me better and made sure that I wouldn't turn out like our parents, but it's too late. I've been stealing Gerard's beer that he keeps in his room, since he's out most of the time and he drinks too, but he's got it worse. I don't want to add up to his problems, he's just got too much already. He's been depressed ever since that evening when he saw our parents kicking the shit out of me, they wouldn't stop until blood was shed. He kept on blaming himself, that he shouldn't have allowed our parents to treat me that way, that he should've been present more, that he should've watched out for me all the time, he kept on crying to me that he was a worthless brother that can't even look out for me. It makes me sad because he started drinking, then he had gotten depressed, he started taking those damned pills then I found him passed out right in front of the door to his room one morning.

We moved, but I really didn't want to, to be honest. They should have kept beating me. They were right. I'm a mistake. I'm useless, I'm just an emo faggot who gets beaten up and harassed in school. The pain just isn't enough. I needed more. I need to kill myself slowly, from the inside going out.

How can you give away the most precious gift you have? How can you do it to yourself and your loved ones?

I don't understand that. I don't want to. You live to give others, as much as you can.

I ran to my room searching for my best friend. At least he doesn't judge me, he's always there when I need him.

He has sharp features, especially his tongue, shiny looks. Actually, everything you need in a best friend, he has it.

I found him. Just under the mattress of my bed because Gerard never looks there.

I slumped down the side of my bed with the razor in hand then I positioned it on my wrist.

Everybody hates you, Mikey. No one loves you. For sure because your parents admitted to it, the people who were supposed to love and take care of you. You're just an empty space on earth that will never be filled with, ever. Everybody is a monster, you'll only get hurt if you trust in somebody.

And what about that Frank guy? He'll never love you. He beats you up for entertainment for fucks sake. You're just out of the question. You're just a lonely, skinny, unloved, fat, slutty, emo, faggot. Disgusting. You'll never make Frank happy.

You are just disgusting.

Fuck, does Gerard even? Have you ever wondered why he goes out more often now, drinking his life away?

Don't eat, so at least you'll be perfect:

Drink the pills, so that you won't need to feel a thing.

Drink the alcohol, so that you'll be happier.

Drag the razor to tear open your skin because life is just hard to live in.

No one loves you.

The only people who love you are the pills, alcohol and razor.

I felt tears running down my face as I dragged the razor down my wrist feeling the blood running down my elbow to my lap. I dragged another cut under the first one, but this had more blood to release. I dragged another going down my arm, and another going on top of it. Blood soaking my pants and rolled to the floor.

I started feeling lightheaded, then everything was fading into darkness. Then I passed out. Just perfect.