Never Ending (sighmike)

day 28

MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME. I APOLOGIZE.

8:22 Monday April 1

Looking in the mirror i thought about the words that michael has spoken to me. he has called me beautiful more times that i could count. my knotted hair, and circles under my eyes said otherwise, and as i looked in the mirror i noticed everything about myself that i did not like. everything hit me in the face from last year, and i looked into the sink. i remember standing in this same spot, watching red liquid swirl down the pipes. the veins on my arms visible to anyone even from a far distance away. i closed my eyes and felt the tears forming. i opened them and watched them fall as i looked into the mirror. the images in my head flashed into full blast and i looked down at my arms to see the long scars on them. i am surprised michael had never seen them. the only time he would've been able to we were in the dark. the thought of him seeing that i was weak made my heart shatter in my chest. thinking about how much that would hurt me, the other thoughts swam into me again. i looked into the mirror and tried to think of the things that made my happy in life, but everything went blank in my mind. the only thing there was blackness. nothing. then the thoughts happened. the screams. i opened the cabinet next to my leg and opened it. i searched through it for anything. i found nothing. i screamed, and pulled on my hair. i closed my eyes and tried to stop but the only thing i could feel was pain. it swept through my body like a wave leaving the beach. but it stayed. it stayed on top of me and made it feel like i couldn't breath. the pounding of my heart hurt my chest and i grabbed the sink to try to stand up. using all of my strength, i did, and i started to make my way out of the bathroom and into the hallway. my tear stained cheeks burned with warmth, and i called my mothers name.

"Mom?" i said as i walked down the stairs into the kitchen. i looked around and saw that the clock was already past nine. they left for work long ago. i sniffled my nose, then sat on the counter. i stared at my arms. they were so clean. besides the long lines that went up them. the tears that fell out of my eyes dripped down my face onto my arms and i brushed them away with my hand. i took a shaky breath, and looked away from my arms. my eyes burned with tiredness and my heart slowed its beating. i looked over to the other side of the kitchen. i ran my eyes across the sharp objects in the sink i could use to harm myself with, but instead i saw nothing but blurred vision, and a shadow outside. then i heard a knock on the door. the pain struck through my body, and i heard a clank of something near me. i looked around the room but nothing was to be seen. my vision had turned black and pain flooded my body. my body fell to the ground, and i blinked my eyes to try and see but my vision did not return. i heard a bang on the door and someone calling my name. i blinked my eyes again, and reached for something to help me figure out where i was, but nothing helped me. i heard my name being called again, but the voice was rushing through my ears and i had no idea who is was. banging was heard on the window, then a scream of help. i heard a door open, then heavy breathing of someone besides me. i felt my head being moved up onto someones knees, and soft hands touching my cheeks.

"Claire, what did you do?" the person asked. i tried to protest that i did nothing, but i felt my heart beat slowing and i could not move, "don't worry claire, help is coming," they said. i felt a drip of something fall onto my head, and a the hand brushed it off my cheek. the hands brushed my hair out of my face, then i felt a pair of lips softly touch my forehead and a mumble of words out of the person were not heard because the sound of a ambulance was in the distance. it felt as if my body gave up, and my mind, again went blank, and nothing was being heard.

-

What had felt like minutes were being past, i guess were hours. i opened my eyes and were brought to see bright lights in a white room. i heard a small, frequent beeping and i blinked my eyes multiple times until the beeping started to increase, and i pushed myself to sit up on the small bed i was sitting in. my breath started to quicken, and the beeping did with it. i began to panic. where was i? the energy in my body seemed minimal, but i called for help. i looked around me once again, and saw a white curtain being pushed to the side and my father standing on the other side. a small window on the door was seen past him, and i saw a heads walking by but only one that i saw caught my eyes to stare. michael. his eyes were red and puffy and he seemed to be distressed. my father rushed over to me, and started whimpering into my shoulder as he hugged me. michael kept pacing back and forth in the hallway outside the room. my father let go of me, then moved his hands to my face and made me turn to look at him.