The Lost

17- The Search

Azure

The night felt... old, I suppose. Ancient, sort of. Like the city's horizon had been dark for a very long time. It was late enough that the air felt chilled even with a big coat, and there were specks of rain that travelled on the breeze in flurries. Like currents in the sky. It wasn't just the time though... there was an inexplicable feeling to everything. It was all dark and cold, and I felt dark and cold too. I had been stressed since the first moment I heard human voices, all that time ago in the forest with Micah... but for the first time in a while since then, I just felt bad. A plainly unpleasant feeling all over my body.

Rosin wants to leave him.

There was no warmth for me as my wings beat stronger, harder, carrying me higher yet higher and away from all the worry of the world below. Where are you going, Azure? They tugged on my back as they fought against the sudden shots of wind, and I felt my own ebbing strength more than I had before taking off. Lots of days without sleep and food do not amount to steady flying. And yet upwards I went still, refusing to stop, ascending into the inky blackness of midnight with no real reason as to why. I just wanted to... to go. Go. I wasn't sure where— just anywhere that wasn't below me, anywhere wasn't that park with Rosin and humans and girls with white hair and no Aspen no Aspen no-

Azure, seriously, what do you think you're doing? There were no stars above me, no little fireflies and barely even a moon. The blinding lights of the city below had polluted the natural glow of the sky. Where are you going? I didn't have an answer for the voice in my own head. I just knew that I couldn't stop. Too much time had been spent standing around, waiting and hesitating over what to do. Something in me had finally had enough. I would go mad if I spent one more minute sitting around and moping.

It didn't take long for me to be sure that this was the highest I had ever flown. Once, many summers ago, I had dared to fly almost as high as I was now. I could remember the sweet smell of autumn and the amber twilight even now. The rush of fear and exhilaration at seeing everything so small below you— maybe like a human felt. The shadows had been meters long in that sunset time, dancing through the forest like magic.
I could still remember. Even here in this awful city I remembered. But what use was it? It didn't matter, didn't mean anything. Stupid how many pointless things people remember. I don't remember Micah's last name or colour of Ronnie's eyes, or the name of that little girl Sam caught, or why in the blazes I ever thought leaving the Hollow all alone was a good idea.
But I remembered flying very high in an autumn long past, for some reason.

So stupid.

The fierce gusts of wind soon became like a hurricane around me, and the gentle spray of rain began to cluster into a thick, mist-like moisture. I panted and gulped down the freezing air. Maybe this was a stupid idea— flying so high for no reason, getting myself all upset over... stuff. Still, it was only when my wings began to go rigid with cold that I accepted I had reached my limit. Maximum-height-reached, Azure, that funny inside-me-voice said to me. So, I finally stopped, throwing my arms out along with my wings and slowing myself into an unsteady hover. Then, I was blinking in the rawness of the night.

My tears burnt frozen on the flesh of my cheeks, all of my limbs ached, even my insides seemed to cry... yet I had never felt so awake.
Turning not without difficulty, I managed to twist into the wind and peel my eyes away from the black sky above. I looked down to the human city instead. Oh.

All the breath slowly flowed from my lungs. It was half a world away now. Everything. Nothing asleep even at this late hour— Wide awake and bustling, glowing, as if the nighttime didn't matter at all. The city.
I marvelled down breathlessly, drinking in the sheer vastness of the spectacle. Hundreds, thousands of lights alive below my feet, flickering, mobile, changing colour and shape. Each one seemed to be an altering shade of blinding amber, green then red; some sequentially flickering on and off, others consistently blaring their block-light, shining like artificial stars. Buildings that simply towered into the sky, stretching towards the heavens- and they glittered in the rainbow of lights. Bigger and brighter than any tree had, or would ever be. I felt dazzled. This was the human city. And even with it so far below me, everything shrunk so far from its real height, I knew that I would never forget the immensity of this place.