Haunted By Him

Chapter Three

When the morning comes, he wearily watches Natalia stand and stretch and begin to pack her things away. She doesn’t ask if he has any belongings. He figures it doesn’t matter anyway, because he doesn’t.

When she’s finished packing, he pulls himself to his feet and follows her.

“Good morning,” she tells him as she leads him to the train station, just a few blocks down. He’s busy trying to hide his face and look inconspicuous. He doesn’t like being out in the open. He doesn’t answer her. A second of silence later, she halts and he almost runs into her and she turns and looks up at him. “If you want to pass yourself off as Bucky, you gotta be a little more friendly,” she accuses.

“Oh no,” the Soldier grumbles. “Don’t tell me this Barnes guy is some sort of cheerful do-gooder.” Natalia shrugs, shifting her bag over her shoulder, then slips it off and hands it to him. He takes it with his left, the stronger arm, and stares at her.

“Bucky Barnes would hold a girl’s bag for her,” Natalia says and the Winter Soldier glares.

“Would he,” he replies dryly and Natalia just smiles at him smugly and turns back around.

“Come on, Mr Barnes, we’re almost to the station,” she says and he follows her grumpily.

The Winter Soldier is afraid that he’ll be caught as they make their way through the crowded station and onto their platform. Their tickets are validated and Natalia’s bag is checked and all the while, the Soldier stares diligently at his feet, tense and panicky and ready at any second to turn around and run if anyone so much as put a hand in his shoulder. He’s lucky, however, because no one does and Natalia is brilliant at pretending they’re completely normal and he still can’t believe he made it when he sits himself in their train compartment.

“Don’t look so relieved yet,” Natalia tells him as she sits across from him. “That wasn’t the hard part.”

“What’s the hard part?” The Soldier asks and Natalia reaches into her bag and pulls out a folder and hands it to him.

“This,” she says. He opens it and swallows as dozens of pictures of what look like his own face stare back up at him. Natalia takes one out and holds it up. Bucky is grinning in it, like there’s something in the world to be happy about, and there’s another man there with an arm slung around his shoulder. The Winter Soldier stares. “You’re nothing like him,” Natalia says quietly and it almost sounds like an accusation and he looks up and meets her eyes again.

“Who’s the other man?” He asks.

“Steve Rogers,” Natalia says. “This is the guy you have to convince.” He looks back at the photo, at those happy faces, and presses his mouth together.

“They must have really loved each other,” he comments quietly and Natalia puts the photo back. She’s look at him with those cold blue eyes now and nods.

“It would have been hard not to love Bucky,” she tells him. “He was everyone’s friend.”

“You sound like you knew him,” the Soldier says and Natalia looks down, her eyes softening. She puts her hands in her lap.

“I knew him,” she finally admits. She says the words reverently, like the memory of him softens her hardness. The Winter Soldiers wonders if she’s an angry person. If she’s a bitter person.

“And you loved him, too,” he says and Natalia nods.

“I did,” she says.

“Did you know Rogers?” The Winter Soldier asks and Natalia shakes her head.

“I knew Bucky when he went to war,” she says. “I knew him just before he died.” Natalia takes in a breath and he watches her throw her anger back up around her and glare at him. “We’ve got a long train ride ahead,” she says. “All the way to the other side of Russia, and you’ve got a lot of work to do in the meantime. Read through that entire folder and memorize the facts about his life. I’ll quiz you later. And then maybe we’ll work on the smiling.”

“The smiling?” The Soldier asks and Natalia nods. She puts her feet up on the seat next to him and slides down, relaxing.

“You haven’t smiled once,” she says. “And that is very uncharacteristic, Mr Barnes.” The Winter Soldier swallows.

“I’m not sure I know how,” he says and Natalia stares at him, her eyebrows furrowing.

“What do you mean, you don’t know how?” She demands. “You just smile. Turn the corners of your mouth up. Try not to look so miserable.”

“Alright, sorry, I’ll work on it,” he says irritatedly and she rolls her eyes.

For the rest of the day, he reads about James Buchanan Barnes. He was a cheerful do-gooder, according to the writing in the folder, and he was a good friend. He was loyal and kind and gentle. In fact, he must have been damn near perfect. Like Natalia had said, everyone seemed to love him, especially Steve Rogers. The Winter Soldier wonders if he’ll feel bad for trying to trick him. He also wonders if he actually can trick him. Rogers knew Barnes well. He’d be able to pick out any mistakes the Soldier might make and although he feels a twinge of guilt, he sort of wishes it really was him who had been loved so deeply.

“I don’t think I can remember all this,” The Soldier says after a few hours of reading. Natalia doesn’t answer, and when he looks up, he sees she’s fallen asleep.

She’s pretty, he realizes. Very pretty, in fact. She’s got a graceful face and beautiful, full lips. Awkwardly, he looks away. He feels as though he’s noticed something he shouldn’t. He glances back down at the pages in his hands, where James Buchanan Barnes grins widely at a camera, and he wonders if he loved her back.