Carabiner || 𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝑌𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑗𝑢𝑛 ||

Fucked it

- Y/N, you need to eat. Said my mom behind the locked door of my room.
- Im not hungry.
- You still gotta eat.
- Leave me alone ! My voice suddenly raised as i felt my throat tied for the millionth time this week.

Five days has passed since Taehyun brought me home that day. My mom, worried, asked many times to let her in, but i wasn't in the mood to talk nor to keep a conversation about what happened.

Everything passed like a dream that took a tournure of a nightmare whom i woke up in panic. I wished i could have an amnesia, wake up one day with no memory of the best weeks of my dull life, but things are not that easy.

Wraped in my blankets, the image of Yeonjun crying his laungs haunted me for the past days.

It was breaking me, with nothing i could do except crying too. Pathetic and hopeless.

Yeah, i've been stupid for expecting something real. Was i going to get married or something ? Nah, but i still saw in his eyes my future self.

He ruined everything, me included. He lied to me, played me like a doll, even changed the way i dressed just so i could meet his expectations.

My life had never been that desgustingly exciting, and now it was attending its end right in front of my eyes. That's when i realized how truly boring i was before meeting the boys.

Curled up in my bed with the pleasing darkness that offered me the closed curtains, i was about to fall asleep after a crying session, but a repetitive sound kept messing with my peace.

I put my head under the pillow, hoping it'll stop, but a sound of breaking glass startled me.

It came from behind the curtains ...

- Thankfully you heard me, i was about to break the front door. A beomgyu appeared under my window, smiling stupidly.

It took my eyes a while to get used to the blinding light again, but finally seeing his beautiful face created a relief among the mess i was feeling inside me.

- What ? He said after i helped him to climb the front wall, you didn't miss me ? I looked him deeply before bursting into crying in his arms.

The boys had became my safe place, so being apart of them broke my heart. I missed them all to death, i hoped time would heal, but it actually made it worse.

- It's okay, you can cry as long as you can. He rubbed my back, but don't take too long, i brought cookies.
- Dark chocolate ? I chuckled, robbing my runny nose against his AC/DC t-shirt.
- Yeonjun hyung gonn' kill me ! It's his favourite. Hearing his name was painful enough to sob again. Okay im gonna eat the milk chocolate cookies with hazelnuts alone.
- Don't ... i sniffed, you dare.

We sat down on the cold floor, eating for my case what consisted in my first meal for more than three days.

- You're looking awful. He said.
- I know, right ?
- Yeah it's even worse than what it used to be.
- Let me appreciate the cookie in peace, would you ?
- The remedy to a broken heart. I looked up at him through the darkness of the room as he sighed. We waited for you to come, you know ?
- I don't have my place there anymore. Is it why you came ?
- You do have it more than myself. He looked down.
- What do you mean ? I asked, confused at his sudden tone that went from bubbly to quite sad.
- Well ... if i came here, there's another reason than missing you.
- Go for it. For some reasons, my heart started beating painfully faster in my chest.

What if something bad had happened during these pas days ?

His seconds of silence were enough for me to pass through all the possible emotions. Regret leading them.

- Y-you ... his voice was shaky, you remember the ... the video, right ? I mean, who could you forget it. Anyways, it was all my fault. My heart pinched, and a kind of anger took possession of me.
- Yeonjun sent you tell me this ? He gave you the responsability of his mistakes ?
- No ! I mean ... Yeonjun Hyung was forced into it, because of me.
- Im confused, be more clear please.
- A year ago, i was still in the uni, for learning music. That's when i met Sam ... I-i really liked him, more than as a friend. I was actually in love with him and it was reciprocate, at least that's what i thought.
- Beomgyu what has all this to do with Yeonjun's ... Yeonjun's sextape ?
- Let me finish and don't interrupt me ! So, after we got in a secret relationship, i discovered that all the uni was aware that i was ... gay. There were pictures of me kissing Sam all over the campus, they started calling me fag and bullying me because of my sexuality. Sam and i were just a way for him to expose me to insults, when i thought it was real. A tear rolled down his bouncy cheek but he whipped it right away. Anyway, at the end of the scholar year, after i started having eating disorders, failing school and i thought about quiting, Sam menaced me to tell my parents, because he knew they are homophobic and would never accept that their son likes men. That's when Yeonjun Hyung took my defense and asked Sam what he wanted to leave me alone ... he suspended his telling.
- And what did that asshole say ?
- He- Beomie's voice cracked, and the same way Yeonjun started sobbing in front of me, Beomgyu did. He forced Yeonjun to have sex with him. He fucking got raped just so he could protect me.

I was left speechless, my whole body taken by spasms. A nausea came up my throat, every scent, noise was multiplied by ten and made me throw up. I was disgusted and angry, yet deeply hurt.

Beomgyu beside me was still crying silently, staring into space.

- Im sorry Y/N, everything ... everything got ruined because of me.
- Did Yeonjun know it had been recorded ? Despite feeling sick, i felt the rage burning inside of me, i was ready to break anything in front of me, just to release it. But i had to use this strenght wisely.
- Not at the moment, but Sam sent it to his parents and destroyed his life. He didn't stop here, he promised him to share it to everyone he'd love, so he could never be happy.
- Where is he right now ?
- I can't tell you, you'll be in trouble.
- Beomgyu do you really think i fucking care about getting in trouble ? Just to be clear, im not asking you, it's an order.
- What can you do about it ? It's fucked now !
- Listen, i got dangerously closer to him, Sam not only rapped Yeonjun, he made fun of him, he menaced him, made his life a huge mess and finally exposed him when he did nothing wrong. Do you really want me to sit on my bed, dealing with this while peacefully eating a cookie ?
- Fine ... he sighed, ready to tell me everything.