Carabiner || 𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝑌𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑗𝑢𝑛 ||

We lost the summer

Night came as i felt burning from the inside, waiting for them to reunite.

The plan was simple : i had to find Sam.

Beomgyu told me about an abandoned factory where they used to meet when they were together, it was like his secret place where he could do some illegal stuff like dealing etc ...

Around a lighted fire, a lot of men were standing there, among them, Sam.

Impulsively, i ran there and grabbed him by his collar before kicking his balls. I was furious, and nothing could stop me.

When they wanted to catch me, i took my knife out of my pocket and placed it under Sam's neck.

- If someone dare to do a front step, he's dead. I threatened them, not recognizing my own voice.
- Your body will lay beside him. Said one of the men.
- She doesn't care, her lover fucked me before her. Giggled Sam while i felt my throat getting tied again. I grabbed him by the hair and spilled on his face.
- Fucking rapist.
- Maybe, but he's still pretty good at it. It's a pitty you couldn't try it yourself.
- Shut the hell up ! My knife got even deeper against his skin, my hands were shaking as well as my eyes got teary.

I was disgusted, it was unfair, Yeonjun didn't have to live this nightmare. I felt bad for the second i thought he was a liar, or a cheater, i felt guilty for not believing him, for being selfish and not seeing the truth in his eyes.

- What are you going to do ? Kill me ? You're a pussy, the only thing you can do is crying.
- You'd be suprised to know how bad i can be. I whispered behind his ear.

After a second, everything changed.

Everything got fucked.

The knife i was holding so tight fell on the sandy ground in a deafening sound. Everyone, including me hold back his breathe, it was all silent around, like time has stopped for an instant.

Only the sound of Sam's neck breaking and his corpse collapsing was heard. And i became a murderer.

- Y/N ! It was Yeonjun's voice, calling my name after what seemed an eternity.

I got freezed, not able to move. What have i done ?

- Y/N. He called me again, pulling me closer to his chest. I hummed his comforting scent, and started crying.
- Im so sorry Yeonjun, so sorry ... he gently pushed me back to put his both hands on my cheeks, cupping my face as he looked deeply into my eyes.
- It's okay, run now and don't stop until you're home. Got it ?
- Hyung we need your help ! All the boys were there, fighting with the group of men.
- He was a monster, don't blame yourself. He looked back at me before kissing my lips softly. I love you, run now !

It was the last thing he said to me, and i couldn't even tell him i loved him too.

- Run ! He repeated.

I whipped away my tears, and as he said, started running like i've never done before. I had to feel free from the cage of culpability, i had to go far from where i became a sinner.

"You're a pussy, the only thing you can do is crying"  these were his last words before ... before i broke his neck with my bare hands.

That monster was now dead, pathetic and unable to do anything. Everything changed in less than a second.

I was still running when a huge boom got me falling on my chin, i quickly looked back to see a huge fire.

No doubt, it was an explosion.

My heart dropped, it was over, and it was all my fault.

I stayed there, paralyzed, looking at the fire getting bigger.

I screamed my pain out till my laungs got ripped, expressing what my broken heart couldn't. I lost everything, and i was the only one to blame. 

I killed them.

"Run !" 

Rain started dropping getting mixed to my tears, falling on the rest of the memories i had left. It was all gone.

I was stupid, i was dumb, i was a murderer, and i was in love.

I got back on my feet and started running away, like i've always wanted to. I ran till i found myself in front of where all had started : the garage.

Huening kai's game was still on pause, Beomgyu's electric guitar was in front of an unfinished music sheet, Taehyun's sandwich prepared, Soobin's couch was empty and Yeonjun's jacket hooked.

Everything was waiting for them, staying still as always, but i was the only one to come back this time.

- Im sorry guys. I said before bursting into tears, till i ran out of energy and fell asleep.

When i opened my eyes in the morning, i hoped all that happened was just a nightmare. But it wasn't.

The image of Sam's body collapsing beside my feet was haunting me, all i could see was their faces, all the people that died because of me.

I remembered the first time i came here, the day i've spent with them. Back when the garage was noisy, alive, when it made sense. Now it was just a mess of object, with a bunch of memories only me could remember, no more.

And i was there too, meaninglessly.

On my way back to home, i thought about going to the police, or killing myself seemed like a good option too. But i was just a pussy, so i found myself in front of my house, not ready to live my dull life again.

Nothing could replace them, and that's what hurted the most.