Carabiner || 𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝑌𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑗𝑢𝑛 ||

What if i had been that puma

Two years has passed since that day, and life was still going on.

I joined the art class i was supposed to go to the day i met the boys, and i'd always pass by the garage. The place i considered like home from the first day.

When the neighbours planned to destroy it, i fought with everything i had to preserve where my most beautiful memories layed.

I was somehow lying to myself, thinking there may be a possibility for them to come back home, so they would see that nothing changed.

Two years and i was still the same, stupid and hopeless.

For the murder, it got forgotten because of the explosion which made it look like an accident. No one reported anything, thankfully.

What about my conscious ? It was another story.

The guilt was consuming me, and time didn't change anything. During the few months after, their faces could not leave my mind each time i'd close my eyes, everywhere i'd go, they were with me.

At first, it felt like a trauma, then, it became part of my daily life.

Because i couldn't handle lying to my mom, having to act like i was fine, i decided to move alone. It was heartbreaking, i got torn from the people i loved, saying goodbye to all the precious moment i might have lived.

Could have things been different ?

Each night, i'd replay what happened that day again and again, exploring all the possibilities, making my guilt increase even more.

Panic attacks were part of my life too, but as i said, we learn how to deal with it. And no matter how we feel, life goes on selfishly.

My small appartement was just a mask for my independence. In fact, most of my time would be spent at the garage.

In two years, nothing changed. Even the carton box with the clothes they bought me was still there.

I didn't have the courage to move on.

A real loser.