Candy Man

Random writing

Tuesday

         I forgot to address the fact that I glue pictures of myself to each page. I only do that because I want to be remembered just in case I don't make it as an idol.

        Friday

          Today we start our break from workouts and vocal lessons. Today is the only day we can skip our diet but we have to start it again tomorrow :( :(
                                                           Mt San
      Monday

        I stopped doing the money updates because I've stop dealing. But this one guy,the guy I was telling you about whom gave me bundles of cash for little samples, keeps asking me for more stuff but I don't have any. I keep telling him that but you know druggies the can't stop and they wont stop because of how hard it is too.
                                                         Sanie
         Wednesday
              
       Well today's my birthday and I'm almost a full adult. I'm 19 but when I'm 20 I'll be a full man and I can't wait.
                                                          San

         Sunday

    I think I chipped my tooth and swallowed it :(
                                                   Sanie San San

         Wednesday

      I DID A BACKFLIP TODAY!!! Yunho didn't see it and he made me do it over but I couldn't
                                                     Choi Choi

       Thursday

     Mingi is trying to sing and Yunho is hyping him up and Seonghwa looks like a proud mother for some reason. Help me
                                                        San

        Friday
    
     Wooyoung and I have become really good friends recently. We've been playing PC games with Yunho and Seonghwa. Seonghwa is really good and Wooyoung always refuses to let him win. But we still have fun
                                                  San the gamer

    Saturday

     I talked to Jongho today. It went well. He taught me how to break an apple with my hands, well he tried to teach me, I couldn't do it thought. Oh well maybe next time.
                               Sanie is not an apple ripper

         Sunday

          So I didn't chip my tooth. I have no idea what I swallowed than. It could have been a pebble. Who knows
                                          Choi San

       Monday

       The guy who pays in bundles for the drugs just called me to meet him so I can give him my best stuff and I kept telling him I don't sell anymore. He got really annoyed and kept saying that I'm just keeping it all to myself. Of course I'm not thought I do drugs just sell them. The guy said was going to come to the KQ building so I just gave him the name of another guy. I don't even know he knew I was here. I don't tell him anything about my personal life just my "professional life". But if he comes to the building I could possibly be fired and I've worked too hard to be fired. I also told Mingi and Yunho that I stopped selling. Hypothetically if the guy came to the building not only would I would be fired I would also lose my best friends and my new friends I would be alone. My family would be so infuriated and disappointed in me and that's not a feeling, knowing that your family is disappointed in you. I really don't want to disappoint my family if I loss my friends I can't loss my family too. I want to care for them and give them everything they've ever wanted. I want to make them so proud. My sister would probably be the most disappointed in me. She was kinda like a mom for me. She helped me with anything and everything. We carefor each other so much. I would hate to see her angry and/or sad. Even if I explain to them why I did what I did,they most likely wouldn't care for what I have to say.  I hate keeping secrets from my sister especially my sister. I can't even imagine how this would make my grandparents feel. They always took amazing care of my sister and I. I hate thinking about what I did but I had too if I wanted to provide for my family. I couldn't get a regular job because at the time,when I was 15, I didn't have any job experience and frankly I was too lazy to work a cash register. I hate myself and my tell myself,in the mirror every morning, that I hate myself. I've disappointed myself and I can't disappoint my family. So I can't tell them what I was doing. I also have to keep that guy away from the building so my best friends don't think I lied and not dealing and so my new friends don't think I'm dealing. Wow I didn't realize I poured my heart out.
                                             San