traitor • cmb

22: there's a reason

corbyn

I didn't get much sleep last night. I was too busy up all night, thinking about how many people I hurt. madison, jack, alyssa, daniel, luna, jonah, sierra, and erica. zach and julia weren't there but I'm sure the rest filled them in and they're just as mad.

I adjust my eyes to the sunlight coming through the room and notice jacks bed was made and untouched. I pick up my phone and call him, which it goes straight to voicemail. I figured.

I finish getting myself ready for the day, not really looking forward to it. I walk out the door and look up and see erica walking past me, giving me a hurt, but angered look. I have to explain myself to her. I snap back into reality and walk towards her.

"erica wait" I say approaching her but am stopped by alyssa standing in front of me, blocking me from erica.

"no corbyn"

"alyssa please I just need someone to talk to about this"

"talk to jack"

"he didn't come to the room last night and he's not answering my texts or calls"

"guess he's just as mad then"

I look down in shame. then again, do any of them realize why I actually went on the trip and what the real reason could be for me not wanting to come back? do they think I was gonna be excited and happy to come back to my abusive father? I was just lucky that he had already moved out when we got back.

"look maybe it's better if you stay in your room and give us space" she says.

"so I have to sacrifice my trip because you guys don't wanna listen to my side of the story" I snap back at her.

"don't you dare turn this on us. you wanted to stay away than you can deal with us being mad at you for it" she goes to turn around but stops after my next words.

"there's a reason lyss but none of you will listen to me when I try and tell you what it is"

"cause I don't think any of us want to hear why you wanted to leave us behind" she turns back to me walking up to me again

"well maybe it's not actually about you guys"

"what are you talking about"

"alyssa, you coming" jack says in the doorway of zach and daniels room. I'm guessing that's where he was last night.

"yea I'm done with this conversation anyways" she says and walks away leaving me there.

I turn around and walk back into my room slamming the door behind me. out of anger I punch the wall, leaving a dent in it. I'll just say that was already there so we're not charged for it.

I sit down on my bed with my head in my hands when I hear a knock on the door.

"corbyn?"

it's julia.

"go away. I don't feel like hearing how bad of a person I am for the thousandth time" I say to her.

it's true. how many people are gonna make me feel bad for thinking of myself for once. how many more people are gonna look me in the eyes and make me feel like a selfish asshole when really I was just scared of my father.

"corbyn just open the door please" she says in a concerned but not angry tone. I decide to give in and open the door for her.

"what?" I say to her as I open the door. I'm trying really hard not to cry right now.

"I know why you didn't want to come back and I'm not mad at you"

those simple words she said caused the tears to stream down my face. she comes in the room and closes the door behind her, pulling me into a tight hug as I sob on her shoulder.

we pull away from the hug and sit on the bed as she rubs my back, trying to comfort me.

"it wasn't hard to figure out. I don't know why they all think it was because of them when they know the way your father is" she said breaking the silence.

I stayed silent.

"when they told me, I was angry at first. then I thought about it all night and imagined the reason was due to the fact that you didn't wanna see your father again when you were finally happy and away from him"

I just look at her and nod as she sighs and looks over to the dent in the wall.

"did you do that?"

"no that was already there" I attempt to lie but she just scoffs.

"please corbyn, I know you and your anger issues all too well" I laugh at her comment and she joins in.

she pats my back two more times then gets up and walks to the door.

"you coming?"

"nah I'm gonna stay in here today"

"today's the last day though"

"yea I know"

"okayyy but you're missing out" she opens the door to walk out but I stop her to say something before she leaves

"hey jules?"

"yea?"

"thank you"

she just nods and smiles at me sympathetically then leaves closing the door behind her.

I walk out to the balcony in mine and jacks room and just sit there with my thoughts, and the fresh air, for the rest of the day.

they day had flew by because it was now dark and when I went back inside jack was laying in his bed on his phone. he looks at me with no emotion, then back at his phone. I go to sit on my bed and take off my shoes and jacket. jack puts his phone down so I take this opportunity to say something.

"jack... jack I know you're not asleep so please can you let me explain everything" I say looking over to him, with his back faced towards me.

"can't i'm sleeping" he says coldly

"jack if anyone is gonna listen to me it's you"

"what, what do you have to say. cause honestly dude I don't really wanna hear it. you're my best friend. yea all the guys are too but I've known you the longest and I've fucking stuck with you through everything and you were ready to throw it all away" he says whipping his body, angrily , in my direction so that he was facing me.

"I WAS SCARED TO COME BACK" I shout at him, finally letting out the truth that was bottled up in me.

he looks at me confused, but intrigued as to where I'm going with this.

"you all forget why I initially went on that trip. that's why I didn't wanna come back. cause I was scared, no terrified, that I was gonna come home to my father sitting in that dumb fucking chair just waiting for me to come home so he can torment me so more. yea sure in the moment I said that I didn't care about leaving y'all but that wasn't true. you guys were the reason I came back, you and my mom." I say laying it all out in the open. I'm tired of being seen as the bad guy.

jack looks up at me, not knowing what to say.

"I came back because you guys are my home. with you guys, I felt the most safe. it was my father that made me want to stay, but it's you guys who made me come back" I say turning away from him, leaving him to feel guilty.

-

authors note

HEY GUYSSSSS WE HIT 3K REEEEAAAADDSSS😩

I love you all the freaking comments on the last two chapters brighten up my day haha

anywaysssss what we thinkinggggg?

love that corbyn has realized he did nothing wrong.

^ with the help of queen julia ofc🙄

ANYWAYS HOPE Y'ALL ARE LOVING TRAITOR😘