traitor • cmb

35; you're all cowards

erica

it's monday again which of course means school again.

only difference is that the events that occurred at the party on saturday have earned me a lot of weird looks.

I went from the girl who's lost all of her family to the girl who almost died because she stupidly stood on a roof drunk.

I'm not proud of what almost happened but it happened and all I'm doing now is going about my day, minute by minute and hour by hour.

corbyn and the rest of our group are being very protective and treating me like I'm made of glass, with good reason of course. I really scared them saturday, especially corbyn.

*flashback from last night*

the rest of the night I drank water and stayed silent. I received a lot of weird looks and a lot of people avoiding conversations with me.

corbyn stayed next to me the whole night with one arm wrapped around my waist.

we just got back home and I haven't said a word the whole ride back. I don't really know what to say to him, I can't even look at him.

he put the car on park and sighed.

"fucking hell erica" he said well letting go another sigh

I stayed silent. what I did was so stupid and I've never seen corbyn with such fear and worry in his eyes.

he slammed us head against the head rest and turned to look at me. I kept my head down, staring at my hands placed on my legs.

I hear the car door open as he walks out and opens my door seconds later. he puts his hand out for me to hold as I get out of the car.

I take my keys out of my purse while still holding his hand.

we walk inside and I drop his hand and head to the bathroom to shower. before I can close the door fully corbyns hand stops it from shutting.

"corbyn I'm just gonna shower" I say quietly

"can you honestly blame me for not believing that" he says harshly. "so this door is gonna stay open so I can be sure" he says walking away. ok-

"why are you being so harsh with me. what's got you so angry huh?!" I say starting to yell

"I'm not angry ok, you just" he says stopping himself and trying to calm down.

"you fucking scared me tonight ok! god forbid I be a little upset that I almost lost one of the only people I truly care about" he says getting louder and louder. "so if I need to make sure you don't pull that shit again, the door is staying open" he says full on shouting.

he calms down seeing how much his yelling affected me. I was never really yelled at as a kid so I'm not good at handling it. and corbyn knows that, which is why he's now looking at me sympathetically.

"erica I'm..." he pauses "I'm sorry ok, I just can't loose you. not when I've finally figured out where we stand. and I'm gonna be here for you every step of the way. as you recover and heal from all the pain and suffering you've endured this past year."

he starts walking closer to me. "I'll move in if I have to, I'll do whatever to make sure that you're ok because I'm only ever truly happy when you are. Your happiness is my happiness. I'll be here all the time to make sure that smile appears on your face, the way your parents and grandma loved seeing it. if you'd let me"

I stare at him for a bit, admiring him. how honest he was being. how every word he just said was genuine, and the fact that I wanted it to happen as well.