Alex

Chapter 1

I can't really say I'm a good or bad person.

If i don't know, then I'm likely a bad person, right?

I can't really say. But looking out over these hills, I can't help but wonder my stance in this world, on which end of the karmic spectrum do I stand.

Everything is so quiet, and the beauty of it all makes my heart ache. Snow blankets everything, with pine trees dotting the land in small patches, most unable to stand the harsh winds and diluted sun.

I'm dying. Not in a dramatic, stab to the heart sort of way, but i can feel my internal clock ticking. I can feel myself growing older, and I wonder about death.

Im scared to think of what i'll find when it finally all ends, when I join my ancestors. Doesn't everyone? At least once in a while?

The wind seeps into my thick black fur and I feel so at peace here. So alone. So sad. My chest was acheing with emotion, but I don't know why.

I gave a pained sigh before sliding into the snow, a puff of grey clouds leaving my nose.

My wolf and I agree, this would be the place to die if I could choose were to die at. The scenery was too perfect and tranquil.

The sun has set, but the sky still holds that deep grey that should have faded long ago. The moon is there, floating just above the horizon, like always. Like the loving mother she is.

I lay my head down and watched the heavens open slowly. Gods, the view was so beautiful it hurt.

I whined up to the cloudless sky, almost questioning the stars. I threw back my head and sang, I sang to the stars, and to my baby brother and parents. I sang to my sister and to my grandparents. I sang a lullaby laced with pain and excruciating beauty to a nameless baby.

There was no answer of course, but I almost hoped that my dad would answer. Or mother. Anyone from my pack in fact, anyone at all.

I curled into a ball and stuffed my nose into my tail. //Tomorrow. There will be another storm.\\ my wolf said mysteriously and I internally nodded to her. Many wolves had different relationships with thier wolven halves, mine was more a split personality, which was not uncommon.

My paws were thick  but i could still feel the cold softly and painfully digging in. I was used to this nearly constant ordeal, and loved it. It reminded me I was alone, and helped keep my mind only to the current world. I closed my yellow eyes and fell asleep, dreaming of home.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

In the morning I woke and stretched leisurely, shaking off the snow that had covered me.

I set off again, standing out amongst the snow easily with my large and powerful body, although worn down and thin.

I was hungry, practically starving as I dug out a mouse or two from sleep and ate them. I had no chance for more food as thick clouds rolled in and it began to snow, at first it was a light falling but then it progressed to blizzard conditions. The storm.

I lay down to wait out the snowstorm when I heard a chorus of howls drift from the direction of the wind, and my wolf perked her ears silently. It was hard to hear the message that went with the howl from the wolves, what with the wind drowning out most of it.

//WE ARE HERE. ANSWER.\\ 6 or 7 wolves sang, and my wolf stood. They were probably sentries angry a rogue was trespassing. I could scent no border, but that didn't entirely mean there was not one close by I had failed to scout.

I did not answer obviously, as they would likely kick my ass or kill me if they found me. A rogue was a rogue, and had to be dealt with after all.

Instead, I began to run as fast as I could, but I had little energy to rely on and I had no fat reserves to dig into. I was thin, and my bones jutted out on my frame from months of poor eating. After all, a lone wolf can't really hunt game by herself, if there was any large game to be had at all.

I could barely make out anything a yard away from my snout, but after a few moments I thought I saw something a few meters ahead, the flying snow making it impossible for me to make out whatever it was. All I could see was a darker blip a few feet away, squirming and twisted.

My wolf stiffened.//It's a pup.\\ she whispered to me and I watched in disbelief as we circled the hunched juvenile wolf in confusion. The poor thing was shaking with the cold, his small brown form barely sitting up against the wind.

I took two paw steps forward and suddenly the pup looked at us, yellow eyes tired but filled with relief when they landed on me.

I think the poor thing mistook my wolf for someone else as he charged toward us, happy and gleeful, but when he got closer he stopped dead and stared at me in disbelief when he saw my features.

I watched him, blinking slowly at him as he crouched down and whimpered hoarsely. I flicked my ears and looked around, but found no one and couldn't remember which way north was.

I heard his joint's popping and i looked back to the wolf to find a shaking, pitiful boy staring at me desperately."C-can you help me?" He whispered, his teeth chattering.

I folded my ears back and immediately knew I couldn't leave him. I mean, in all actuality, I could have. Maybe it was just my feminine reaction to seeing a young one hurt, but thinking I could leave this boy to freeze to death all by himself in this blistering cold didn't feel right.

I shifted, so I could talk to him, letting him see my human form even though I hadn't used it in months."Come here." I commanded softly, fumbling over words I hadn't used in a long time. He obliged and I looked him over. He couldn't have bean more than 14, with round baby cheeks and terrified eyes.

He looked scared and unsure. I offered no smile or sign of assurance, but I knew he was weary with my bony frame and dark, shadowy eyes. I couldn't change that fear of strangers for him, mostly because he was right to be afraid. So I didn't try.

"Shift back to wolf form. You'll have to wait until after the storm. I have no idea were we are or even the cardinal directions." I muttered and shifted back. He quickly followed suit and gently touched noses with him, to show him at the least I wasn't going to bite or attack.

He whined and I pushed him down to lay down and he did as he was told. I curled around him, being twice his size and my fur twice as thick. I shared my warmth with him and his violent shakings soon melted away. I sighed softly and felt him succumb to exhaustion. I soon forced myself to fall asleep and join him. I would need the energy, If I was going to help him.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<