Born to Ride

Chapter 14

Keeping my mind occupied is my thing, as one gets older it seems that life isn't just split into a yes or a no. The rodeo comes in a package, there is the fun part like competing and the preparation part which is polishing my saddle; Which is what I am doing right now to keep my mind busy and away from anything that is not bull-riding. I remember asking my folks for a few expensive toys growing up, sometime their answer was no or yes, but other times, it was let's see or wait. Now I understand that 'let's see and that wait' Adults have to make a tough decision that can't just be a yes or a no answer. Lately, I don't know what I feel, I don't know if I should be feeling this way. I do not know. 

After polishing my horse saddle, I take off my apron which is filthy with a leftover polish covering it. A pair of hands cover my eyes, "Guess who?" 

"Bonnie?"I uncover my eyes, tracing the arms back to a very sweet southern accent that I seem to have forgotten is back. 

"Why do you look so surprised?" She puts her arms around my neck. 

"It's just you left without one word and now came back," I try to refrain from a sarcastic remark. 

"So, do you want to tell me anything? or show me anything?" She wraps her arms around my waist while smiling brightly. I furrow my brows while trying to decipher what she means by that. Does she know about Clover? Did Mona perhaps tell her about my childhood crush? No that can't be it, Mona may be annoying at times but she is no jerk, like me. "Not really?" I try to make it sound natural but it just sounds like a question—her coming back out of now where doesn't help me right now. I don't know what to think anymore. 

"It's my birthday tomorrow or did you forget?" She crosses her arms while pouting.

Birthday! From all the things I could have forgotten. Bonnie is a special girl who requires so much attention. The last thing I need her is to leave again because I forgot her birthday. I am not too happy that she decides to leave and come back whenever she feels like it.  

I uncross her arms to cup her hands in mine, "Bonnie, we need to talk. I know it's your birthday tomorrow, but we can't keep doing this. 

She furrows her eyebrows, "Do what exactly?"

"You left and didn't say anything. And now you're expecting me to be ok with that. Coming back here and acting as if you didn't spend a few weeks with who knows who." 

"I was with my aunt. Is that not allowed?" She makes a duh face. 

"It's not that. You are free to do anything you want. But we're in a relationship and you can't just decide one day to leave and not tell me." I try to reason with her. I was a doormat for Clover once, I don't want to start being one for Bonnie, but I don't want to let her go. I don't plan to at least. 

"Why are you being like this? I left for a few weeks, it shouldn't be a big deal."

I don't have the energy to argue this with her, especially when I am not in the right state of mind. Clover is still here, and Bonnie just returned from her aunt's. I know want to think at the moment. "OK. Next time you decide something like that, make sure to at least give me a heads up. I don't want to spoil the mood, considering it's your birthday." She nods and I pull her into a hug. 

***

Everyday love seems to only ever be like the murky water from a puddle formed from last night's rain. That water can never be cleared up. Bonnie and I have returned from a dinner date to which I picked her up earlier today, as it's her birthday. I picked her up early evening, taking her to a fancy restaurant in the city. Doing everything I can to make sure Bonnie doesn't approach my house today. I am not ready to look at Clover and explain what I don't even know what it is I need to explain. 

In my attempt to drop her off at her house she persuaded me to end the day sitting at the porch swing at my house. And here we are, I didn't step inside the house in case she followed me inside. 

"Can you imagine doing this when we get married?" She moves close to me in order to snuggle. "I can't wait till that day comes."

Marriage, again? It's not that I am playing with her, but marriage is something I do not want to think about. I can't even figure out who I want to be with right now, much less decide to spend the rest of my life with one person.  "Let's just soak in the now." I give her a light squeeze. 

She straightens up to face me, "Why don't you like talking about the future? Do you not plan to marry me?"

"It's not like that, Bonnie."

"Then what is it like, Austin?" she crosses her arms and turns her body to face me. 

"I was just saying we can enjoy today. You're always talking about the future, so just this once let's not talk about it. Please."

There's leftover tension when Bonnie doesn't argue back. Instead, she turns her body to face forward while still crossing her arms. She finally speaks, "I am going to get a glass of water."

"Wait." As she was about to get up, I stop her. "I'll get it for you. Just stay here."

As quickly as possible, I enter the kitchen to whip out a glass of water. Merely, a few seconds have passed by and as I approach the door, I can hear voices. Stepping out of the kitchen, Bonnie turns to me and points, "What is she doing here?"

I go speechless until I look at who she is pointing at.

"I live here, genius," Arizona bitterly argues with her arms crossed. "What are you doing here?"

"It's my birthday. I am spending it with my boyfriend."

I hand Bonnie the glass of water and lead her outside before she accidentally meets someone she is not supposed to. Arizona stops me as I am about to exit the house, "You haven't told her about Clover, have you?"

Closing the door, I turn to Arizona, "She's not here, so why would I?"

"If she were here, would you have"

"Where is she?" I try to change the subject.

"Obviously not here," She opens the door to shove me out.