Bloodstream • Lipsoul

Exploration

Some days, Jungeun wonders what it's like.

She wonders what it's like to dedicate your whole life and sense of morality and ethics based on a singular belief. Well, how could she not? She's surrounded by the stuff all the time. When she was younger, she remembers being in awe at how reverently her mom would pray. The concentration on her mother's face; solid as a statue while on her knees, hands firmly pressed together as she utters her prayers smoothly, without a hitch. Jungeun did try it a few times before. She remembers being sat on her knees beside her mom, awkwardly bowing her head down and trying not to peek to her left. She'd clasp her hands together and shut her eyes tight, and that's about as far as she'd get. Her thoughts would wander from any hint of faith to what she's having for dinner that night, the recent show she's been watching, or anything else. She's never had the concentration or the motivation to put her energy into something like that. The uncertainty makes her a little nervous, she admits. What's really up there? If there is a God, would they truly accept her for who she is? Is she being judged for her every move? Are the things she believes to be right truly wrong? Maybe, maybe not. It's taxing to think about.

So instead, she'll think of something else. Like how Jung Jinsol is sitting a few feet away from her, fervently writing in her notebook, her favorite book lying open next to it.

On some days, they have the same study period. Jungeun finds that both her and Jinsol like to frequent the library on those days. Jungeun herself usually sits on her phone texting Jiwoo, or catching up on work that's due in the next few periods. But Jinsol is always there, writing away in her notebook and reading her Bible. Jungeun thinks she's only seen the girl's phone twice. Jungeun's view of a sharp jawline and flowing blonde hair is soon obstructed by a hand waving in front of her face. Of course, these are the well manicured nails of none other than Ha Sooyoung.

"You look a little focused there." Sooyoung's tone is teasing, willing Jungeun's face to turn the lightest shade of pink. She soon focuses her eyes to the taller girl, who stands before her with books in hand and her backpack lazily slung over her shoulder.

"A little spaced out, that's all." Jungeun thinks she sounds convincing, but Sooyoung's mysterious smile tells her otherwise. If Sooyoung thinks otherwise though, she doesn't say it.

"I hope this seat isn't taken." Sooyoung gestures to the free chair across to Jungeun, and the younger girl gestures for her to take a seat. Since their hangout those weeks ago, the pair have grown close. Jungeun finds herself hanging out with Jiwoo and Sooyoung pretty often, and just Sooyoung when at school. Jungeun finds a different comfort in Sooyoung than she does in Jiwoo, maybe because Sooyoung is older. While Jiwoo is that friend that you can mess around with and have fun, Sooyoung is well.... The same as that, but with an odd sense of motherly comfort? Though Sooyoung likes to tease Jungeun to no end, she also likes to be there and listen to Jungeun when she needs it. The two of them have shared late night phone calls, laughing and talking about everything and nothing in particular. There's one thing Jungeun has avoided talking about, though. No, it's not the pretty blonde girl peering at the two of them from her table. It's-
"Hey, Sooyoung?" Jungeun's tone is hushed, breaking the comfortable silence that the two had going in the midst of Sooyoung studying. The older girl looks up from her notes, brushing her hair out of her face.

"What's up, buttercup?" Jungeun cringes at the cheesy line, while Sooyoung grins warmly at her. That smile puts Jungeun at ease, reassuring her to ask her question. She takes a breath, squaring her shoulders before continuing.

"Can you... teach me about religion? Well, I know a little bit. I mean..." Jungeun scratches the back of her neck, recollecting her thoughts while Sooyoung looks on in rapt interest. "The Bible, the scripture. I've always thought about it, how could I not, y'know? But I could never be completely focused or interested. I'd want someone I trust to maybe guide me, or at least let me see your understanding of it?" Jungeun hopes that was coherent. She didn't notice that she started to look at the table instead of Sooyoung during her rambling. She then looks back up to Sooyoung, and the sight almost brings her to tears. There's a gentleness in Sooyoung's eyes, a tenderness that she has only seen in her own mother. It's different this time though, to have someone with shared experiences understand how you're feeling. Sooyoung's smile is warm and radiant as always, shining brightly. It's definitely that smile that you'd see on your first true love. While Jungeun doesn't feel that way for Sooyoung, she could understand why someone would.