Bloodstream • Lipsoul

Lifted

Haseul can't remember the last time she spoke to Jinsol alone. Like truly alone. No classmates around, no Sooyoung, no Jungeun. The thought of it makes her uneasy, and her uneasiness brings her shame. She shouldn't feel this way about a close friend.

But, her desire to be the 'better man' and speak up to Jinsol first is what drove her to invite the older girl out. Now, the two of them are seated in her living room for what feels like the first time in years. Haseul wouldn't be surprised if it is. Their hangouts with Sooyoung are usually at Jinsol's house, or somewhere else around town. It's been years since she's seen Jinsol enveloped by the green of her living room, surrounded by the pearlescent whites of her decor. It's been years since-

"Seullie, are you alright?" Jinsol's low, husky tone slips her out of her spiraling thoughts. Jinsol's hair is down, and she's clad in an unfamiliar red hoodie and sweatpants, looking unlike the prim, proper form Haseul has been used to seeing. Don't get her wrong, it's not the first time she's seen Jinsol dressed down. But it's become a lot more frequent lately. Could it be because of-

"I'm fine, Sol." Haseul's voice is not free of strain as she tries to shake her discomfort loose. Her eyes meet Jinsol's. There's always been a vulnerability in them. Whether it was due to Jinsol's unreasonable anger or debilitating sadness, she's always seen the blonde's soul clear as day. Right now, there's an honesty in there that makes her heart wrench. Jinsol is always tries to be so genuine and warm towards her, even if she-

"So, the other day," Haseul begins, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, only inches away from Jinsol.. "I'm sorry," she breathes once, twice. Why? Why is there this uncomfortable feeling? "For edging you on and doing that to Jungeun. But that apology will be for her." Haseul regains some of her composure, eyes hardening with the grace of someone in her soon to be line of work. She's the bigger man, as she knows Jinsol doesn't have the heart to be.

Jinsol nods, almost sagely. It looks strange to Haseul. Jinsol's cross also seems strange to her, hanging over this hoodie that she's never seen before. The only semblance of normalcy on this not-normal Jinsol.

"I'm sorry too," Jinsol starts, pushing a strand of hair from her face. "I'm sorry for lashing out at you, and for putting my hands on you. You know I... have always had trouble expressing my emotions."

Haseul has to school her face to be solid stone, free of shock. There's no way Jinsol would admit that, not after turning into that wild animal she saw the other day. Normally the blonde would just make some awkward comment and they would read scripture or go do something else, acting like all is well between them. Not this.

There's a brief pause before Haseul speaks yet again.

"I know," Haseul manages to muster a small smile in hopes to put Jinsol at ease. "And that's alright." It's not. Why didn't you- "I think we should put ourselves past this. I miss you, Sol." Her mind is speaking for her, but her heart wants to say otherwise. I miss you more than you could ever know-

Jinsol returns Haseul's smile with a softer one, gently placing a hand on Haseul's shoulder.. The younger girl thinks she could cry. Jinsol hasn't been this gentle, this calm in who knows how long. What happened to her? Haseul can ask and ask but she knows the answer. She knows it's-

"I've missed you too, Seullie." With that, Haseul is pulled into a warm embrace.

-

Tears wet Jinsol's shoulder. She rubs Haseul's back, soothing her as Jungeun has done to her many times already. "It's okay," She coos. When they split from their embrace, their eyes meet again and Jinsol fears what she sees in them:

Anger.

"Jinsol," Haseul's voice is muddled with tears, eyes blazing in a saddened fury that she's only seen in the mirror. This doesn't look right on Haseul. The rage is quiet at first. "Who's hoodie is that?" Haseul's tone is desperate. She's desperate to hear the answer she knows, to have her heart broken once again.