𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐞 {𝑚𝑎̊𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑘𝑖𝑛}

𝙏𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙝

Luna felt weak.

Again and again, she tried.

She tried to be normal, she tried her best to be happy. 

But she is so fucking tried, her best isn't the best it could be. One mistake turns into many mistakes and that turns into a failure, just like she is.

She tried to stop the dark thoughts from appearing, nothing. While getting up from the ground she gets out her notebook, while the tears stream out of her eyes. She tries to write but not a single word comes to mind. She writes down some stupid words that can't even make a sentence,  she rips out all of the pages. 

When she has ripped out most of the pages she realized what she's done, all of her feelings and emotions have been exposed. Anyone coming in now could see it, they could see how broken she was and still is.

She tries picking them up but the papers crumble in her hands from the stress, her voice letting out a cry of frustration as she slides down to the ground. Why couldn't she just be normal, why couldn't she eat normally or go one day without crying? Why her? Her dark thoughts start to take a turn for the worse...

You'll never be normal, all you do is run but you can't run away from yourself Luna

"Shut up!" she yells out loud, regretting it immediately as the arguing stops. They heard her. If they see her like this...

Without even thinking she gets up from the floor and gets out of her room, when she turns around she sees Vic and Damiano standing in the door frame of Vic's room. Vic has traces of tears on her face as they both look at you with shock written on their faces.

"Luna...", Vic says while getting closer to her but she shakes her head, starting to go off down the stairs as fast as she can. She doesn't even hear the pleads of Vic, telling her to come back and saying that she's sorry. The real Luna would stop and go back, embracing her sister and telling her that it's okay. But this isn't Luna, these are the dark thoughts that made their way in her head, even heart, throughout time.

The other boys shoot confused glances at each other as they see Luna running out of the house, a worried Damiano running after her.

When she's out in the front yard she starts running in the streets, not even wearing any shoes, she runs without a destination. She doesn't hear Damiano shouting after her, telling her to stop. She only hears the voice, telling her to run.

-

Vic is absolutely paralyzed as she stands at the top of the staircase, what the hell just happened? She has never seen Luna looking like that, looking so... sad and terrified. Her baby sister has always been the brighter one, always making her laugh when she was sad. Of course, she had sad times too, especially in high school but she has never looked like that. Her eyes looked empty like she is there but in a way she isn't.

Before she can register the fact that she and Damiano ran out of the house she notices papers coming from Luna's room in the back of the hallway. As she gets to the door she finds a whole bunch of crumpled papers on the floor, all in one pile. 

A little confused she picks them up and she recognizes the handwriting immediately, it's Luna's. 

 Vic called again today, she wants to come over. But I lied. I lied and said I was busy. I was busy; but not in a way most people understand. I was busy taking deeper breaths. I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy calming a racing heart. I was busy telling myself I am okay. I don't want to bother her with my mess of a mind, it would only make her feel worried. Sometimes you just have to stay silent, because no words can explain the shit that is going on in your mind and heart. I won't bother her with that, she is too important to me.

03/02/21

Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. She bent forward where she sat on the floor and put her hands on her head, letting out frustrating sobs. She never knew, I mean how could she? Nobody knew after all, not their parents, not Nica. Even poor Luna doesn't know what's going on in her mind. 

She feels so fucking angry at herself, she yelled at her for no reason. She is the reason that she's god knows where now. Anger and sadness are the worst combinations, so she just sits there...

praying to god Luna is okay.

-

Everyone is completely shaken up about everything that just happened. First Victoria snapped at Luna and now Damiano ran after her as she flew out of the house.

They are all extremely confused by basically everything, "Where are they going", Ethan questions, that's what all of them are wondering. He takes a look around the living room and notices Vic isn't anywhere near. 

"I'm going to check on Vic", Thomas says and Ethan replies with a nod. When he gets upstairs he doesn't see Vic in her room, suddenly he hears a cry come from the last room. He walks into the room quietly not to startle her, and there he finds her crying with some kind of paper around her. 

"Vic", she gets shaken out of her thought as Thomas shakes her, she looks up to meet his worried eyes. The helpless look on her face says enough, something is terribly wrong. He crouches down and holds her in a tight embrace.

She starts sobbing at this point, only if he knew what was going on in her head, it would be so much easier. But no one can, our minds are simply ours and are only truly known by us. 

It was painful for him to see her like this. All he could do was embrace her and let the torrent of her tears soak through his shirt.

-

I'm very sorry for this chapter

I just want to tell you that if you ever struggle with anything, even if you don't know exactly what, please reach out to someone. Talking may seem like nothing for what you are going through but just simply telling someone can do a lot, trust me.

Remember I'm here for you and you are loved more than you know<3