We Were Liars (DNF)

2.4 <3

It's the first day of school today, back from summer holidays.

George and I go to different schools, I'm hoping to change that soon, I'm getting a tour of his school next week so hopefully that will go well. I'm praying that school doesn't change anything between us. We'll both have new friends and won't see each other everyday. But I'll still have Nick and in the nighttime I'll have George in the stars, the stars I see in my mind every night before I fall asleep.

(TIME SKIP TO SCHOOL TOUR)

I don't tell George about my tour, I want to surprise him at school. Somehow we've managed to talk almost everyday romantically, despite going to different schools.

Half an hour into my tour and it's nice, I see why George talks it up so much but I keep thinking about George and seeing him, I keep a sneaky eye out for him and finally see him at his locker, the tour is showing me all the extra curricular activities that are pinned up on a cork board, I listen in to George and another boy's conversation, I need to surprise him at the perfect time in the conversation.

"Yo, y'know your friend Clay? He is actually so gay"

"Literally like he is actually gay, he actually had a thing for me like that's so weird"

"Wait really? I thought you guys were friends?"

"We were but I dropped him when he put the he/him bull in his bio, he's actually such a freak"

"Ew that's so gross"

"I know, hes literally so obsessed with me like he'd never leave me and Jenna alone"

"Way to kill the mood"

"No wonder his father left, I would too if I had that gay kid, hes so disgusting"

"I didn't even know his dad left"

"Yeah, use to like hit Clay or something, I dunno, didn't really listen"

"That'd explain a lot, maybe he has brain damage as well"

"Probably" George says with a laugh.

My eyes are wet, tears. The lump in my throat is bigger than ever and I want to scream.

I turn to him and say "guess I'm the talk of the town here too then?"

"Clay? What are you doing here?" he looks behind him at the boy, who is snickering

"L.." George's voice is unbelievably shaky "leave me alone, y-you're like, obsessed with me or.. Or something?"

"Right. Sorry"

I walk away. Sit in my car and cry.

3pm. I went home 5 hours ago, I'm laying in my bed, still crying.

I let George in on my most personal part of my life, my family life and he decided to tell some kid who was calling me gay. Why didn't he defend me?

A notification appears on my phone from Nick

                                                                                              -3pm ' didn't see you at school today, you sick? '

'Yeah' -3pm

                                                                         -3:01 Im getting some food, be home soon, hope u feel better

                                                                       Read

I lay my phone down and close my eyes only to get another buzz from my phone. It's not Nick. It's George.

                                                      'I'm coming over to talk to you'

I don't respond, I don't get out of bed, I just lay there, phone resting on my chest and emotions all around the room.

I hear a knocking at the front door and go to answer it, George looks more pale than usual and skinnier too, but still, pretty.

I don't say any words, they just don't form but I open the door wider, insinuating for him to come in.

"Dream I'm-"

"Don't call me that"

"Why not? You loved when I did that?"

"No. I loved when my best friend did that, I don't even know who you are anymore"

"Okay. I'm sorry"

"Okay"

Awkward silence arises in the room, it's uncomfortable so I sit down at the Island bench and George quickly follows.

He swings his stool to face me.

"Do you forgive me?"

"No"

"Why?"

"Can I explain something to you?"

"Yeah, of course"

"Ever since my dad left I've felt so isolated. I feel so alone, in the sense that, I know people love me, right? And-and I know that they do cuz' they tell me, but I don't feel it. It's so, so hard for me to find people who actually make me feel loved, George. Later on along the line I became friends with Nick, best friends and we remind each other that we love each other but, but is it really there? I don't even know what I can and can't feel anymore. It's not fair! I've always said that I hate lying but I've been lying to myself for years, I've been convincing myself that I feel things, that I feel loved. But I don't George, that's the simple truth I don't feel loved. When I met you I thought maybe-" I break my voice into a whisper "maybe you were the change in that, maybe you'd teach me how it feels to be loved, but you've only taught me that lying to myself is the best thing I can do". I pause "Which is why I'm still going to lie for you, and hopefully you'll find it deep in your heart that I do love you. Cuz you are loved by everyone on this damn planet. George, even the universe loves you. It tells you everyday".

The silence is unbearable, luckily George breaks it,

"I'm sorry, Clay"

"Sorry you said it?... or sorry you got caught?"

I jump out of my seat and stretch a little bit, George gets out of his seat awfully slowly and walks towards me

"don't take another step in my direction, I can't be trusted around you, George" I whisper

"I've tried everything with you Clay, I don't know what to do anymore I can't remember anything from before we met, what makes you think this is so significant? We can work past this!" he says with a plastered smile but wet eyes

"y'know what! You're gonna remember this! When the time finally comes, explain to your children the pain and embarrassment you put your best friend through! When will you learn that I've always been here for you?"

"I'm here for you too" he whispers

"In saving your name you've ruined my life" I whisper-yell

"I'm trying to find myself, Clay"

"How on earth are you going to find yourself when you're lying to everyone else? You'll become a victim of your own venom, and that hurts most".