because someone brought it to my attention.
trigger warning
--
it was all coming back to me. sadness.
something i thought i overcame forever ago. jack was already gone in another state, doing his tours. i decided to take a short break and come back to him in a couple days. i lay on my couch in my apartment in deep thought.
what if i just do it
what if.
i sit up, running into my bathroom. under my sink, i have an old blade i never gave jack that one day. I pull up my hoodie sleeve and slide the shiny blade across my wrist once then twice and then a few more times. i make several cuts, finally satisfying my sadness for tonight. i place a bandage over it and go back to bed without texting jack a goodnight.
i wake up the next day with a pounding headache and a few texts from jack.
i don't look at the messages and call him, pulling my suitcase from my closet.
"babe?" he answers.
"hi" i say weakly.
"when are you coming, i miss you."
"soon, like in a couple days. i don't know." i mumble. my fresh cuts were burning like hell.
"alright, how are you?"
"good." i whimper, the pain coming to me. i get up, grabbing some cleansing spray and bandages. i hold my phone up with my shoulder.
"are you sure? you sound.. hurt." he says. i hear jj groan in the background and yell at jack about leaving food out.
"sorry bro!" jack shouts.
"im good." i fake giggle.
"alright baby, talk later?"
"always." i say, hanging up.
i finish cleaning up and walk back into my room to pack a few stuff I realized I needed.
i sing along to the music in my room. i sigh, hanging around my room and watching netflix.
-
i wake up a few days later, calling for an uber to the airport. i get dressed in a pair of leggings and a jack Gilinsky long sleeve shirt from his merch. i braid my hair, walking down with my two bags.
"airport please." I tell the driver with a smile. he drives me there and drops me off. i check my bags in and board my flight, sending jack a text.
"see ya later bb!"
he replies quickly. "ight baby girl."
i turn off my phone and get ready to fly to north carolina.
i wake up a little bit later from the sound of the flight attendant telling us to get up.
"flight 245 has now landed, have a good day folks."
i grab my carry on and leave the terminal. i head towards the baggage claim, seeing jack. his messy hair was pushed back in a beanie. he was wearing adidas soccer pants with an asphalt yacht club hoodie.
"hi baby." he says once im in front of him.
"hey." I laugh, hugging him tightly.
"i missed you brooke." he says into my hair, making me blush.
"i missed you too." I whisper. we pull away and i grab my bags from the claim.
"why do you even have bags, your clothes are still on the bus." he ask.
"i realized i needed some stuff." i giggle. he takes my bags and holds my hand, walking me out to an uber. he tosses the stuff into the trunk and helps me into the car.
"snapchat time." jack wraps his arm around me , pulling my head onto his shoulder. he snaps a quick picture and captions it "baby's back.", posting it onto his story.
"aw cute." i comment, looking at it on my phone. he smirks as we pull up to the bus.
"thanks man."
"thank you!" we both say to the driver, getting out with everything. i walk into the bus, seeing a sleeping jack j on the couch. i laugh softly, walking into the back where my stuff was. i unpack the stuff i brought and change into a long nash grier long sleeve shirt with a pair of cropped leggings. i walk to jack who was watching tv and eating chips.
"hola." i say, sitting next to him.
"Ew nash." he mumbles. i frown, fixing my hair.
"change into my shirt." he adds quickly.
"nah." I roll my eyes, stealing a chip.
"change." jack say sternly with a serious look.
"seriously. no."
jack moves forward, lifting the shirt over my head and onto the ground in one swift movement. he leans over, picking up a hoodie.
"here."
i snatch the jacket out of his hands and give him a nasty look.
"brooklyn." he whispers.
"what?" I mutter.
"i thought you stopped." i realized i reached with my cut up wrist. i hide it again, biting my lip.
"I'm sorry." i shrug, not sure what to say.
"baby, why?" jack ask, lifting my chin to look at him.
"i didn't think you loved me anymore and that you were probably going to end it after your tour. i also thought you don't care about me anymore." i ramble.
"so it's my fault." he sighs.
"no, it's mine."
"baby girl, im so sorry. i should of known. i'm so sorry. i fucking love you." he says softly, kissing my forehead. "you have a gorgeous body and you are beautiful. don't mark up your body like this, it's so pretty. i'm fucking in love with you and your body. look at you, you're perfect. your legs. fuck. your legs. look at your curves, it defines you perfectly." he runs his hands down my sides to about half way of my thighs. "your face is gorgeous baby. ive never seen anybody so pretty as you. your lips have its mind of its own. the way some words roll off your tongue is amazing." he speaks so gently and quietly. his lips brush again mine as he inches closer while talking. "i'm so fucking in love with you, it hurts." his lips move forward and connect with mine. i kiss him back with matching intensity. we kiss for a long time before i pull away for air.
"and it's all my mine. you're mine. i'm so glad to call you mine." jack smiles.
