𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚎 ~ 𝚛𝚎𝚍𝚕𝚢𝚗 𝚊𝚞

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚛: 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜

Ashlyn Caswell was never one to talk about her fears, doubts, or any feelings at all. She only did this with people she was close to, on occasion. When she truly fell in love with Big Red, back in high school, she had learned to open up to him. At that point, they still had bumps in their relationship sometimes, so on occasion communication took a lot of work and a few misunderstandings. Now, however, she would happily vent to him. He would happily listen. She would happily listed as he let out his feelings.

Ashlyn's immaturity, as one might call it, came out when she felt vulnerable. She was known to snap at someone if she felt threatened back in high school. She still would, sometimes, but never with Big Red. Whatever her feelings, she didn't feel threatened with him. They were strong. After all, it had been about nine years.

And now she didn't want to open up.

It wasn't that she didn't trust him. It wasn't that she didn't want to dump her problems on him or that she didn't want to be a burden. She knew he would be the best supporter if she did.

She just didn't want to talk about it.

There were plenty of reasons. Feelings were hard to talk about. She didn't want him to know her fears about them. She knew they were as strong as ever, so nothing would happen. So people knew she had a boyfriend. They didn't know it was him. He showed up on her social media platforms from time to time, but that was all. None of it mattered, right?

Her fears were irrational, and she knew it, but she had them.

"Ash?"

"Yeah?" Ashlyn's head whirled around to look at Big Red.

"Are you paying attention?"

"I'm sorry, I zoned out." She made a sheepish smile. "I was distracted."

"That's fine, are you okay?"

It had been about a month since Ashlyn had been confirmed to have a boyfriend.

"I'm fine," she insisted.

"Love..."

"What?" She asked, trying her hardest not to snap at him. It would be fully uncalled for, but she felt irritated.

"You've been off for... 3 weeks?" He guessed. "I'm worried."

"There's... uh, there's nothing to worry about."

"You know that wasn't believable." He pointed out.

"Yeah," she breathed. "It's all too much." She started simply.

"What is?" He moved the blanket from atop them and tossed it onto the floor. He moved her over, onto his lap. He held her tightly. She didn't answer, but hugged him as tight as she could. "Oh, baby..." he whispered. "I know you've got this."

"I don't," she mumbled. "I keep thinking I do, but I don't." She started to sit up.

"Hey, hey, let's just get calm real quick." He pulled her back down. He set her head on his shoulder. "I've got you." He said softly, running his fingers through her hair. "You never have to get through anything alone, you know that?"

"Y- Yeah," she mumbled. In a matter of seconds tears came streaming down her face.

"Breathe," he reminded her. "Take deep breaths Ash." She tried to listen to his instructions, but every time she exhaled more tears came down her face.

"I— I can't," she managed.

"Then what is it been bothering you?"

"Um—" she swallowed. "—career stuff. B- being famous is... weird."

"Yeah, it is... but you have been for years. What happened that made now so much worse?" He asked, concern flooding his mind.

"Everything built up. New album, new press, years of doing this. I love it. Of course I love it. But it's just..."

"It's a lot," he nodded. "Okay. Look at me, I'm right here." He tilted her chin up to look at him. "You've got this."

"No I—" she began to protest.

"We've got this. You've got so many people who are more than willing to help you out. It's hard, I know, but you gotta open up. I promise it'll make things better."

"Thanks," she nodded weakly.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I didn't want to talk about it." She said. "Not just with you. I didn't want to talk about it at all. If I came to anyone, it would have been you."

"Okay. Well, I know it's hard. I get it. But from now on, I want you to try a bit harder. Just a little bit. Let's try to avoid meeting your breaking point."

"I'll tr- try," she agreed.

"Thank you for talking to me."

"Thank you for listening." She kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"It's okay," he promised. "I should've asked the second I noticed something was up anyways."

"It's not your fault, though."

"It's not yours either."

"I guess," she made a weak shrug.

"Is there anything else bothering you? Anything you wanna add?" He checked.

"Nope," she shook her head. Mentioning her fears about people knowing they were together didn't even occur to her until later that night. She had mentioned it to him before, and the surprise would wear off soon enough. He was right: no one knew it was him. So she kept it to herself.

"Then I think you should get a bit of rest." He said. They both adjusted for Ashlyn to lay her head on his lap. He held her hand. "I love you. More than words can describe, I love you."

"I love you more," she smiled up at him. She was significantly calmed than she was minutes prior. She still had heavy breathing, after her crying, but she felt good. "Thank you for everything."