in the rain

nineteen.

eddy's studying, his laptop open, his notes out, the fluorescent light of the room and his lamp glowing too brightly. it's already night time but he's alone in his room, his roommate out studying somewhere else.

he remembers having to study this one lesson he hadn't quite grasped, and he recalls that there's this one textbook he needs. he looks through his stack, from new to old, and sees the one he's looking for in the older pile. he checks the index to find the particular subject and he goes to the page. he's struggled with his topic, he remembers reading the passages in the back of his mind. he highlights the important parts for when he refreshes his memory later, just before the exam. the pages are thin, so bright color shows through them. he assumes that he's probably highlighted a few sections when he'd studied it before. but wait—his highlighters weren't pink. his highlighters have always been bright yellow. the color helps him recall better. 

he turns the page, finding an all too familiar shade of pink. chicken scratch he can recognize in a heartbeat. he peels it off the page gingerly, as if it would rip if he isn't careful enough.

"will you be my boyfriend?" the letters stared back at him. the first ever note brett had given him. he looks at it, almost crumpling it from the pressure of his fingers. he misses it, the coffee and the notes and the person who brings them. he misses the smile he gives after eddy thanks him, misses the kiss he asks for every time. he always misses him, but the note made something burst inside his heart.

he looks for the rest of them. in between textbook pages or sheet music and in his wallet and phone case and wherever he's kept them. he compiles them and reads them one by one, overly sentimental. it varies from good luck with exams! to i'm rooting for you! to you owe me a kiss later to i love you eddy. eddy hears the way brett would say it inside his head and he laughs at the memory of him. he doesn't realize the tears that had already fallen. 

he gets the last one from his phone case, the one where brett told him to go to the coffee shop, the one with the penguin blob. it's the last note he ever received from him. 

or so he thought. 

another folded note falls from his phone case. it's the same paper and the same handwriting, but he's never read it before.

hey, eddy. i hid this here when you were packing. i can't believe you keeped my penguin drawing note in your phone case. 

(eddy wonders if brett knows that he's kept every single one of them.)

anyway. when you see this, i assume that you've left already. i just want you to remember that i love you, that's all.

i hope someday we meet again. 

love, brett <(°⬙°)>

eddy laughs wistfully. he's tearing up, his chest tightening from the familiarity of his words. it's the same from the others he had just read, but that's the thing. he hasn't read this one. it's like brett had brought him a note again after all those years. 

he stores all of the notes inside his clearbook and sticks the last one on his laptop. he stares at it way too long, eyes misty.

he sleeps that night, and if he dreams about brett, then that's a secret for him to keep. 

☂

the next day, he decides to put away a few hours of studying. he rings a number on his phone, in hopes of an answer. 

"hey. how's it been?" he asks tentatively when his call is answered. 

"eddy! it's been a long time. like… a long time," she answers joyfully.