Phoenix

Mourning

So it's been I think 3 years since we loat half if our family. All of us have struggled and found our coping mechanisms and it's not easy on anyone the memories stick to everything around you and catch you off guard when you least expect it. Steve has been helping others and has dragged me along to his support group meeting, to help I provide meals at the groups for thoes struggling more, Nat and Rhrodes have been working and throwing them self into it as much as possible. Tony has been living in the country with pepper and they have a beautiful little girl Morgan, I have sent letters to Tony wishing them well and giving him updates on what we have been up too, I never get a response but I do it every Christmas anyway, pepper is the one that sent me the picture of Morgan and said that she hopes we are all okay and that we are staying safe. Thor is hard to get through too but apparently he is constantly on his PlayStation so I have to resort to calling him on there and playing a game with him to check in, he sounds different and it worrying. Carol out of world with Rocket knowing rocket he is probably blowing stuff up and carol is saving another planet. We found out Clint has been going on a murderous rampage and it's not like you could blame him I feel the same. I have developed awful habits I know that Steve and Nat are worried but they don't say anything but try to keep me busy. I hardly sleep but if I do it's only after some exhaustion has kicked in and it's worse because of the super soldier stuff, I over train my body and since my first fitness assessment with Nat all my skills have at least improved by 75% so I'm faster, stronger, more agile and it makes me feel better knowing I have more control and capability to protect the family I have left.

"Hey, little Soldier want to take a break for a minute? I want to take you somewhere" Steve interrupts as I am doing some chest presses. I place down the block and grab the towel he has outstretched in his hand. I throw on my hoddie and follow him out the compound.

"Um where we going?" I ask as we walk though the city early in the morning side by side he turns to me with a small smile.

"We have a few spots but I think you need it." He tells me and we make it to our first destination the Wall of the Vanished.

"No Steve I.cant go in there." I motion over to the rows of marble slabs with the names of all the people I let down including the avengers and my family... He grabs me by the collar as I go to walk away.

"You may think that this is still your fault but you need somewhere you can come to talk to your sister." He tells me and drags me towards M and I look at the stone and see her name in the bottom and the tears prick my eyes at the memory of knowing she is gone.

After a while Steve place a hand on my shoulder and handed me a rose to place at the bottom along with all the other things that have been left for the people that are gone. I place it gently down rearranging some of the other flowers, Teddy's, letter and burning candles. I trace my fingers along with her name before we leave and Steve walks back with me in silence and we get into a jet for our next destination.

After a small journey in the jet, we end up in Washington. This time I don't say anything just follow slightly behind him as we head into Museum. We walk through the exhibits and eventually come to his own, but he walks past it with purpose. I see his motorbike and his stars and stripes uniform along with his old shield beside it is the howling commandos.

"Its quite cool ill give you that," I tell him and he smiles at me before nodding his head further down the corridor. So I follow him to see a memorial and the history of my dad in the war along with his photo.

"I miss him too, I feel like I only just got him back and then he was taken from me all over again" Steve tells me as he looks up at Bucky's picture.

"I'm know i have given you a bit of stick the past few year but i'm glad i still have you around."

"You may have been a little hard to break through too but i am here for you. When it gets hard, when it's easy, and all the in between."

"Dad told me you guys had a saying kind of like that."

"Till the end of the Line."

"Yeah..."

We stood for a while just like we had done for Wanda taking the times to remember the memories, like cooking our first meal together or our runs around the lake. As i looked over to Steve i realised how much i had done with him the last few years and he looked over to me and smiled lightly he opened his arm and we embraced in a side hug reading over the words of my dads past.

"Ready for the final stop little fighter" I nod my head at his words as we end up back in the Jet but we don't head home the journey longer that i had expected.

We touch down and there isn't much around us other than a statue as i walk closer it's the Sokovian Memorial.  

"I know you might not have been as close with Pietro but you never had the chance to mourn as you cared and protected Wanda, i wanted you to be able to have that chance."

"I still blame myself, i chose to protect Wanda over him and he died because of it."

"He was faster than you, knowing him for the short time i did i know he would have done it for you too. He died a hero and helped saved the lives of hundreds sokovian civilians."

"I know that but it was my one job and i failed at it. Now i have failed a second time in protecting Wanda."

"Is that why you have been training all day everyday? To get better and faster, stronger? You will end up killing your self before you can protect anyone." He lectures me and i sit down looking up at the statue.

"It's a distraction too, not just to protect you and Nat and everyone else. I don't have to think if i'm training, i don't have to dream or have nightmares if i'm not sleeping. I don't have to remember if i do the same thing everyday there is no triggers and i can just be numb..."

"I know kiddo but keeping it all locked inside isn't going to do you or anyone any good, i mean look what happened when you kept everything about your past? After telling me you where lighter and better."

"I suppose your right. You know your like a wise old Papa bear."

"Papa bear really?"

"Yeah, if you wanted... you could you know co-parent with my dad even though i am what 25 now... You have been a parent figure for half of the 7 years since i tired to kill you."

"I think i have been co-parenting with him since you arrived at the compound Kiddo." He pulls me into a hug and we just sit at the base of the statue in silence. "You know all three of them would be proud of you. Pietro, Wanda and Bucky"

"You think so? I'm really trying to get better... Do better..."

"I know it, because i'm proud of you. Everyone is fighting to find their feet right now, look forwards to the strange future ahead of us and find a purpose. Look at you and The strong young man that you have become, when you arrived you where silent and moody with a huge temper. Now you a strong compassionate man who isn't afraid to stand up and voice the right from wrong the day i noticed that was when you stood up too Ross when he spoke about Banner and Thor like weapons."

I hadn't noticed that my eyes where tearing until one dropped onto my hand. I hadn't realised how much i had needed to hear those words until they came out of Steve's mouth. After the first few tears fell all the walls i had built crashed and all the emotions i had ignored and pushed deep down now bubbles over, the grief, the pain, and the anger.

"You surprise me every single time, you never give up you took on Thanos till the very end even with a shattered ankle and injured shoulder. Despite your past you managed to fight for your freedom. You worked on yourself for year's to overcome your brainwashing. Now your fighting to get better again for everyone around you. You really are a Phoenix." Steve says as I sob into his arm as I sniffle I manage to let out a small little laugh.

"I like being your little soldier tho Papa."