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┌─»»------ᐅ ➶ ᐊ------««─┐ first person POV 6:58 am april 8th └─»»------ᐅ ➶ ᐊ------««─┘
IF I COULD,I'd like to pose a question: Why is it that people who have been through tragedy, fail to get the help and care they need?
Because so often, those victims become the cause of more tragedy, and create new victims. Thus starting another less than fortunate cycle that few are strong enough to break.
Including myself of course. I'll always be guilty of that. But we all have our burdens to bare I suppose.
I wonder these things a lot. Any time I have a free moment really. Like right now, I can't even wash my breakfast dishes without it creeping in my mind. That question that no one ever pays attention to, it eats me up inside.
The problem is though, I shouldn't be— well technically I can't ask these questions. Not out loud at least. And if any of my performances show any signs that I'm thinking these things?
The price hurts.
But on the other hand, keeping my mouth shut, eyes focused on my studies, and preparing each day to take the role of victrix ludorum?
That's my role in life. Nothing more and nothing less.
So I do what I can, and try to find enjoyment in little things. Like how when it's cold outside, you get to wear scarfs and drink scalding tea.
Or when it's spring, and a new school year comes around, you get to see all the new and slightly confused freshmen. It's quite amusing. Of course, if it wasn't against her rules, I wouldn't mind giving them directions.
I sighed quite audibly while putting away the plate and knife I had cleaned. I always have these conversations with myself, and the conclusion always ends the same.
My situation isn't the best, but it's also not the worst either. And the end goal is more than worth it in my eyes.
So I can't let myself focus on the negative restrictions or side effects, and instead, only dwell on the fact that I get the privilege of learning at a legendary school. One that will no doubt benefit me in the long run.
Who cares if it's another three years of being in the shadows. It hardly makes a big deal in the grand scheme of things right?
Right?
No one answered. But of course no one did, idiot. I live alone so I'd be more concerned if someone had.
