Blue as a Fedora

Chapter 10: The Yellow Star

Maggy and Ania had been so kind to Malvina throughout the entire day, and Malvina felt even more blessed and lucky to have met them when they assisted her back to her bunk room.

Malvina was now so weak that she could no longer walk by herself, unless it was extremely short distances. Nor could she speak, do work or normally function. Maggy and Ania had had to sneak out of their own line to help Malvina walk to her bunk, something Malvina knew was very dangerous. Malvina hadn't seen her older sister all day. She simply couldn't wait to be back in Malia's arms, to feel her warmth and her calming voice...

"We have to go now, darling," Maggy whispered, as the three of them reached the door that led to the bunks. "We're in the other room... good luck now, Malvina..."

Malvina turned her head nervously as Maggy and Ania left to join another line. It was absolutely freezing here, though Malvina knew it would be no better inside her bunk. She looked around her to see the other women lining up, waiting for their cold, hard bunks. Malvina was so desperate to see Malia that she almost screamed out-loud, as the guard failed to insert the key into the lock for a second time.

Finally, the guard opened the door and ordered the women to go inside. Everyone followed his instruction and went into the room, Malvina in their wake. Maybe Ella would be inside, smiling reassuringly to say everything is okay. The thought of seeing Ella again made Malvina's heart rise ever so slightly. Right now, she missed Ella just as much as Malia.

But when Malvina entered the room with the other older women, there were no little girls waiting for her by her bunk. Neither Malia nor Ella were there.

Misery; absolute misery flooded through Malvina's veins and system, followed with worry and a horrid, dawning realisation of loneliness. She was exhausted, starving, desperate for a drop of water, scared out of her mind and now Malia and Ella were gone too. They had taken Ella. They had killed her, and now they had done the same to Malia. They were going to do it to her, Malvina as well, of course they were. And she wasn't going to stop them. She wanted to die, why would she want to live anymore?

It was with a new emptiness in her that Malvina dragged herself across the room towards her bunk. Once she reached it, she collapsed upon the cold, painfully harsh surface and lay, wishing and wishing that she were anywhere else in the world. A tiny bit of her childishly hoped that Malia and Ella were simply late; that they would show up at any moment, passing through the door to meet with Malvina. Though the rest of Malvina squashed this little ray of hope, because the rest of her believed them both to be dead.

The darkness in the room slowly increased to absolute, as the minutes passed by seamlessly. Malvina could hear the cries and shouts of the women around her, all of them crying to leave this place. Well, they weren't going to; they were going to die here, for that's how this worked...

But then a new noise reached Malvina's ears. Just outside the wall, she could hear as a guard was doing the usual shepherding of the prisoners, taking them back to their bunks. Though there was something a little odd... there were no bunks out on that side, so why were they being taken there? Also, no one in the line seemed to be speaking, as if they were too weak to do so. Their footsteps along the ground sounded slow and clumsy, though usually this was followed by an angry German shout. But there wasn't one. Why?

It took Malvina a moment to realise where this line could possibly be going: that thin structure with the chimneys, that stood nearby the bunks. Their footsteps ebbing away, Malvina heard the opening of a large door and a loud clang, meaning that it had shut.

Malvina had her eyes open, curious as to what was happening. For over five minutes, Malvina didn't hear anything, then, out of no where, there came the sudden sound of shouts and cries.
She raised her head ever so slightly. The shouting was slightly muffled, and she knew it was because the people were in that thin structure, where there were obviously no open doors or windows to allow the sound to reach the ears of other prisoners. But Malvina could hear it. What were they doing to the prisoners?

The screaming continued, but it gradually became quieter and quieter. After what must've been twenty minutes, that foul smelling stench reached Malvina's nostrils, the screaming had ceased and the chimneys were billowing their smoke...

Now darkness had really taken hold of the room, where a pitch black had erased everything from Malvina's vision. The darkness didn't mute the sounds of the crying women, of their tortured screams, or their cries for help, cries for help that would reach no one...

If she could make noise, Malvina would be screaming in agony, twitching upon her cold bunk. But there was no energy in her. How long had it been? Neither Malia nor Ella had returned from wherever they were. She had no water in her body to produce tears, so she simply lay there with her mouth and eyes wide open, a mindless skeleton, who was feeling everything so horrible, but could not express it no matter what. No matter what. No matter what...

She heard the noise of the guards, unlocking the door to order the women to start the day. She heard as those strong enough to get up dragged themselves off their bunks, to follow the guards to their work. It was morning.

Malvina could feel feeble rays of sunlight reaching her eyes, so why did she still see darkness? Her eyes were closed, she just had to open them...

But she couldn't. Her eyelids simply wouldn't open. Fear groped down on Malvina's heart, gripping it and filling it with worry and dread. She tried to move her hand. Nothing happened.
Perhaps a hand was too difficult. She tried to move her fingers, as if to play the piano, but still, nothing happened.

Her body wasn't responding to her anymore. Never, in her life, had she felt more trapped before. Her brain was shouting countless different commands to her at once: eat, sleep, drink, run, cry, shout, LOOK FOR MALIA, LOOK FOR ELLA, DON'T MOVE, DON'T MOVE NO MATTER WHAT –

The tiniest of a groan left Malvina's mouth, though still, not one muscle in her body could respond to the messages being sent by her desperate, pleading brain. She was forced to lie down and hear as the prisoners around her were pushed and dragged out of their bunks and out the door, to start a new day.

Malvina heard as the last of prisoners left the room. The door was slammed with a clanging, loud shut, then locked from the outside. She was now all alone, no one to help her, no one to save her...

And then suddenly the thought dawned on her: she was dying. She was dying and nobody was going to save her. She knew it. She had known it ever since the night before. There was not enough water in her system. There wasn't enough anything in her. Slowly, she felt as her body began to shut down...

Like anyone ever cared about me, Malvina thought savagely, as her eyelids gradually became heavier and her brain became slower and slower, all anyone has ever cared about is themselves. I don't care. I don't care anymore...

First Ella, then Malia, now her. Her foot was in an uncomfortable position, but she didn't even bother to try move it. She was useless. She was the most useless thing in the world. And she was stupid, even cowardly, to believe Malia's constant, repetitive cries, telling her that she would be okay, that she was going to survive. She was stupid. Everything was stupid. But it would all be over, if only it wasn't so painful...

She could feel her beautiful, shining necklace sitting around her neck, glittering ever so slightly in the dim sunlight. Even with her eyes closed, some of the rays of light passed through her eyelids. The necklace. The necklace was the only thing that had ever been with her through everything. It was the only thing that was worth something to Malvina. She thought of Peter, of how nice he was to her, and what would have happened to him now. Terrible, terrible thoughts flooded through her head.

But Malvina's brain stopped working. Thoughts could no longer pass through her mind. She felt her body become stiffer, thinner and somehow more apart from herself. Her eyes felt so terribly heavy. Everything felt so terribly heavy. But now, quite slowly, the pain was starting to ebb away... little pops of light erupted smoothly in the darkness in front of her...

From what sounded like a million miles away, the echoing sound of the clanging of a door lock reached Malvina's ears and erupted in her brain. Then there were more sounds... sounds that were foreign, it didn't sound French. Then there were footsteps, at first quiet and in the background, though gradually they took to the forefront of Malvina's mind...

She sensed, rather than saw, two figures standing directly in front of her, looking down upon her crumbled, weak body. She couldn't stop what came next, as two harsh, large hands took hold of her two thin arms and unceremoniously dragged her off her bunk, hitting her knees as they did so, her bones rattling painfully...

Somehow, this dragging, these noises, managed to get something working in Malvina's mind and, reluctantly, her ears and brain started co-operating again, however weak. She pricked up her ears to hear what one of the figures was saying.

"Warum will er sie? Sie wäre besser dran."

"Es ist seine Befehle..."

They seemed to be having an argument about something, but what it was about Malvina didn't have a clue. There was the sound of keys rattling with a lock and then bright, dazzling sunlight pierced Malvina's closed eyelids. They were taking her somewhere, but where?

Malvina moaned weakly and quietly, but the guards took no notice. Maybe they were going to take her to that chimney building, to do whatever they did to those people the previous night. If it meant leaving this place, Malvina was quite content with the idea.

Somehow, the sound of people, of life, of being outside, gave Malvina the tiniest bit of energy. Finally, she managed to open her eyes, very, very slightly.

The sun was a little brighter than usual, and immediately Malvina's eyes stung from the light. Beneath her was the dirt-strewn ground, hard and littered with rubbish and bones. Her sense of direction catching up with her, Malvina realised they were not leading her to that thin, chimney structure, but around the labour working area, her feet dragging uselessly behind her. It was clear, however, that the guards were unfeeling to the scratches and bruises that were bursting on her skin.

Malvina couldn't move her head, and was forced to look down at the ground the whole time. Suddenly, and rather unexpectedly to Malvina, the atmosphere changed entirely: everything became warmer, the bone-filled dirt ground became neat, tiled floor, and artificial light protruded from the walls and the ceilings.

They had entered the guards' office.

Although Malvina couldn't look up, she could tell they were in some kind of hallway, because she saw the bottoms of doors at her side every few steps. The sound of casual German conversation was hanging in the air, everything clean and tidy. It was as if she had stepped into a different world.

Finally, the guards holding Malvina turned into a room and dragged Malvina into the centre of it, placing her into a wooden chair. A large window stood nearby, weak sunlight seeping into the tidy room. Malvina didn't know what the room looked like, however, as all she could see was the wooden desk in front of her, her head still refusing to move.

Once again, Malvina sensed, rather than saw, that another person was in the room, and that he was standing almost directly in front of Malvina, perhaps on the other side of the desk. The two other soldiers stood side by side near the door.

"Du hast das Mädchen gebracht?" said a cold voice, coming from exactly where Malvina had sensed someone was standing.

"Jawohl."

There was a pressing silence that seemed to fill Malvina to the brim. Still too weak to look up, she merely looked down at the desk, not even bothering to wonder why she was here.

"How are you, Malvina?"

This made Malvina's heart jump in fright and surprise, and she gave a little retch before she could stop herself. His voice... his voice was so cold and low. He sounded disturbingly calm, a sort of ringing bell in his voice. His French was perfect, clearly a native's voice. She felt that she knew the man, but yet was certain she had never met him before in her life.

"Would you like something to eat?"

And still, Malvina's heart jumped as though doing a hurdle race. She wanted something to eat alright... but should she eat, when the food would be given by such a man? Whoever he was?

"Here..."

It seemed to have happened in a blink of an eye. One moment, the wooden table surface in front of her lay bare and empty; next moment, a huge platter, wafting a delicious smell, ranging from juicy fruits to delicious vegetables, sat in front of Malvina's eyes, filled to the edges with foods. A hand then placed a neat and expensive looking glass next to the platter, filled with precious, pure, water.

Malvina's brain went into overdrive, running around like a dog at the smell and sight of such foods and water. Half of Malvina was begging her to outstretch her arm and devour everything in front of her, the other warned dangerously not to touch a crumb of the food.

For a moment, Malvina simply sat there, gaping at the magnificent sight in front of her, still not comprehending what it meant, or what she was supposed to do. The man above her cleared his throat loudly.

"I didn't poison the food, you know," he said patiently and clearly. "Eat up."

Malvina couldn't fight it any longer, her empty, rumbling stomach simply wouldn't allow it. So finally, Malvina outstretched her thin, skeletal arm and wrapped her extremely thin fingers around the nearest apple. She rose it to her mouth and took a bite.

It was the most wonderful, relieving, brilliant sensation in the world. She chewed through her apple, its sweet juices filling flavour into her perched mouth, then swallowed it, her stomach finally getting its first bit of food in days and days.

Once she began, it was entirely impossible to stop. She ate through the apple in less than two minutes, then started to devour the soft, lovely juicy peach, its juices swimming around Malvina's mouth, bringing in sweet taste, before falling down her throat...

Halfway through eating a tomato, she seized the glass of water and drank it all in one, yet still felt thirsty. The man was prepared however; another glass of water was already sitting next to the platter, waiting to be drunk.

The more Malvina ate and drank, the more alive she started to become. Her arms became animated in their bids of reaching for food and her eyes darted lively from one food to the next. She couldn't care less why she was being given the food and water, or what was going to happen to her, or who the man was. All that mattered was that her panging hunger would finally be tamed, and her throat would no longer shout and scream every time she swallowed. With every bite she took, she felt more and more alive. It was like being born again.

Finally, after maybe twenty or so minutes, the platter in front of Malvina was empty of any crumb. Malvina lay on her chair, rubbing her thin but satisfied belly, her necklace going crazy from the sunlight flooding the room.

"Did you enjoy that Malvina?" the man with the cold voice inquired. Malvina, realising she could, raised her head to see the face of the man.

Malvina's first impression was of a hawk: his eagle-like, thick eyebrows were of jet black, along with his hair, and he had green eyes like Malvina, only Malvina doubted that her eyes looked so maddening. He was slender and wore elite guard-wear: he was clearly the chief of the camp. There was no friendliness in his face or sly smile, his pale skin illuminated by the bright light from the window. He didn't look young or old, Malvina guessed that he must've been within his thirties.

Now that all the food was gone, and Malvina felt back to normal, she started to feel foreboding, looking around the room. The guards stood by the door as if to block anyone from entering or exiting; she suddenly felt as though she were in an interrogation room.

The man stared down hard at Malvina; his face calm, though there was still something off about his expression. Under his gaze, Malvina expected herself to feel scared. But she didn't. She felt completely different. She looked back calmly into the man's face, feeling confused, but unafraid.

"Yes, I enjoyed it," she said, after quite some time.

"That's great," the man responded. He drew out a chair form the corner and sat down opposite Malvina, studying her as if she were his favourite niece, looking like a hawk that had enjoyed a particularly good meal. Scanning the room, Malvina spotted countless drawers, another desk, countless pictures of countless things around the walls, and what looked like a whip of sorts sitting neatly on a drawer in the corner.

"Who are you?" Malvina said, giving the man a quizzical look.

"The man of this camp," he replied smoothly, and he said it with a tone that suggested he had said the same answer countless times before. "The chief."

Malvina didn't respond, and took to watching him instead. Although she was still awfully thin and completely surrounded by people she did not know, this was the calmest Malvina had felt for a long time.

Malvina cleared her throat and asked, "Why did you give me that food?"

The chief's eyes seemed to jump in excitement and he put on an apparently fatherly smile, though his expression still remained cold and devoid of happiness.

"Because I need your help, Malvina," he replied, in a business-like tone.

"How do you know my name?" Malvina intervened.

"Now's not the time for questions," the chief said calmly. "Now is the time for listening. Can you listen for me, Malvina?"

Not knowing where this was going, Malvina gave curt nod. The chief looked out the window, then back at Malvina.

"I need your help with finding two people," the chief said delicately. "Two people in particular."

"Who?"

"Two girls named Malia and Ella."

Malvina should have expected this. She should have known this was going to happen sooner or later. But at the same time, should have she? Why would it be necessary for the chief to find her two sisters, who were surely dead? Malvina lowered her head slightly, hoping that she wouldn't show any weakness to the man.

"Malia and Ella?"

"That's right."

"I don't know where they are," she said shortly. She didn't want to raise her head in case she showed any sadness in her eyes. She didn't want to be an easy target to the chief. She had to be strong.

"I see," the chief responded. It was the sound of his tone that made Malvina look up; it was clear that he didn't believe her. Malvina was now starting to feel a little frustrated.

"I'm serious," she said. "I don't know where they are."

The chief gave his cold, eagle-like smile, then stood up from his seat, looking down intimidatingly at Malvina, who looked back fiercely.

"You see, Malvina," he said, now starting to pace left and right in front of her, slowly and deliberately, "both Ella and Malia have broken serious rules in my camp, and both have yet to suffer any consequence. I cannot allow this."

"They're probably dead," Malvina groaned before she could stop herself. Her voice trembled as she added, "They're probably.... probably gone..."

"They are not," the chief said, plainly and clearly. Malvina looked up at the chief, suddenly hopeful. Could it possibly be true that Malia and Ella were still alive?

Perhaps some of her joy showed on her face, because the chief added, now in a deadly tone, "But they will be. They will be if you don't do as I say."

Malvina started to feel a little worried. What was he trying to say? She also wanted to know what kind of evidence the chief had found that suggested that her sisters were still surviving in this place.

"How do you know they're still alive?" asked Malvina.

"Guards have caught sightings of the little one," the chief said. He no longer had his falsely fatherly smile, or calm demeanor; his voice was deadly and his face was set. "If she's alive, the other is bound to be also."

"And you think I can help – how?" Malvina asked, confused.

"I don't think you can help," he said in a low voice. He swooped like a bird to Malvina's height, his arms spread-eagled on the table like an interrogator, his hawk face not far from hers, "I know you can. If you don't co-operate you'll make things harder for both you and me."

"What do you want me to do?" Malvina said, feeling the hatred in her tone. Everything, from the way the chief was talking to her, to what he was saying, was for some reason angering Malvina.

The chief now sat down, his cold, bright eyes boring directly into Malvina's, and he said, "They are alive. I don't know where or how, but they are. I have already ordered my guards to search for them, and if we don't find them within the next few days we'll have a manhunt for them. In other words, they have no chance of being alive for much longer.
"But I am forgiving and generous, and I want to make a deal. If you hand them in to me, I will spare them. I will punish them, yes, but I will spare them."

"And why should I hand them in to you?" Malvina demanded, who doubted she'd ever do such a thing no matter what.

"Because," he said softly, "if my guards find them before you do, they will be hanged to death in front of the entire camp. It's you against them."

His was being completely serious, his expression said that clearly. He looked inhumane and poisonous. Far from feeling afraid, however, Malvina felt anger pulse in her veins like poison. The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"So, you're just going to hurt them whether I help or not?" Malvina retorted furiously. "I really don't see why you expect me to help you! After all the hell I've been through here –"

"I expect you to help because your sisters' lives are on the line!" he shouted back, just as furiously. "You should be on the floor, thanking me for what I have done. I've given you food, and given your sisters' a chance at life –"

"Oh yes!" Malvina said sarcastically, not a trace of a tremble in her tone. "Thank you so much for threatening me with my sisters' lives! Really makes me happy to see that you care!"

"That's ENOUGH!" he yelled. Malvina's voice immediately faltered, and for a moment they both stared at each other with equal hate. Malvina, now absolutely hating the look he was giving her, looked back down at the ground, shaking with both anger and hidden tears.

"It is a deal," he said, slowly and calmly, from somewhere above Malvina. She didn't respond, and continued to look sourly down at the floor.

"If you give me your sisters, untouched and unharmed, I will consider sparing their lives. If my guards find them before you do, they will be hanged in front of all the prisoners at dusk. And if –" he put a deadly emphasis on the 'if,' his voice sounding like the poisonous hiss of a snake, "– we find that you have been helping them – giving them food, warning them, anything – all three of you will discover what it means to disregard rules in my camp."

Malvina still didn't look up from the floor, but she was taking in every word he was saying. She then heard as he walked away into the left corner of the room, apparently looking for something.

"Rules are very important," he said from the corner. His voice was quiet, but carried itself clearly around the room. Again, Malvina was reminded forcibly of the hiss of a snake. "In my camp, everybody follows the rules. When they don't, they are punished."

Malvina merely grimaced at the ground. The chief was now standing directly in front of her again, his voice coming from above.

"And when people disrespect me," he said, in a low, evil whisper, "it means they must suffer the consequences as well."

There was a quick second where the sound of something being dragged quickly through the air filled the room and, next moment, the side of Malvina's face was burning hot. She yelled in agony, holding the part of her face that was hit with the whip, somewhere near her ear, as tears erupted in her eyes from the pain.

"This is what happens to those who disrespect me," he said calmly. Malvina looked up and saw as he raised the whip in the air again, feeling fear as it came swishing down. Instinctively, Malvina raised her arm in front of her face to protect herself and, this time, her arm got the full blow. She yelled in pain as she cradled her injury. There was now a slender, bleeding, fresh scar sitting on her arm. Her tears fell to the ground as moans continued to leave her lips. Her breathing became heavy, and she felt scared again.

"You must follow my rules, Malvina," he said, still standing above her, intimidatingly hawk-like, "or I'm afraid you'll get much worse than a whipping."

Malvina looked back into his face, into his disgusting green eyes, then her breathing slowed. The pain was mounting, but she was no longer moaning or crying. She simply looked back, her eyes set deadly onto his.

"I am going to let you go," he now said, "and hopefully you think twice before ever talking back to me."

Malvina had an entire list of retorts waiting to be said, but before she could answer, the chief turned to the guards that were still standing at the door.

"Nimm sie weg," he ordered. "Du weißt wo sie arbeitet."

Malvina felt as the guards put their strong hands around her arms and dragged her away. She stood up and followed the guards, turning around last moment to give a look of pure loathing at the chief.

"Give them to me Malvina," he said from his desk, his voice dangerously calm. "Give them to me and maybe they will live..."

She was shortly back out in the dim sunlight, the putrid sight of slave workers in front of her. The guards led her around the workers and towards the place where they were assorting through the clothes. They eventually reached the building, and the guards and Malvina stopped in front of the entrance.

"You have been ordered to work," one of the guards said in a thick accent.

"I know," Malvina muttered back. Shortly after, the guards left, leaving Malvina in front of the door alone.

Something in the back of her mind told her not to enter the building. She didn't want to take orders from anybody anymore. No one could just push her around however they want. So, without even blinking an eye, Malvina turned away from the door and walked in the opposite direction. To where? She wasn't sure...

She passed the countless slave workers and passed the building with the food. Then, turning a corner, she spotted a little building, and decided to hide behind it. If anyone found her doing nothing, she was bound to be sentenced to death. It was necessary she wasn't in view of anyone.
She went behind the little structure and sat down, leaning heavily against it.

Ever since the beginning of that morning, Malvina felt that something had changed inside her, though she couldn't put her finger on what. She had been so close to death... death was only inches away from her in those few moments...

Maybe that's why she felt so different, she thought to herself. Maybe being so close to losing everything had made her see just what she was dealing with. She groaned a little as a particularly painful jab of pain ran through her arm, the left side of her face still burning fiercely.

A light flickered in Malvina's eyes and at first, she was worried it was that of a guard's torchlight, even though it was daytime. Then she realised it was coming from her neck. Looking down, she saw her lovely 'm' necklace, glittering effortlessly in the sunlight. Malvina took gentle hold of the 'm' and pulled it close to her face. Wherever Peter was now, Malvina only hoped that he hadn't suffered the worst.

But then Malvina took it as a sign, that this was the first time in the camp where there had been enough sunlight to satisfy her gifted necklace, shining happily in the bright air.