A/N: Also, live with me if the lyrics are off, I'm doing it by memory so it's not one hundred percent perfect. Another thing, comment here some tag recommendations for this book->
TW: Depression (for pretty much the entire story)
"I agree," Shawn Mendes said, switching his phone to the other ear to open the microwave. He'd recently gotten back to Toronto, after his exhausting stay in L.A. Tentatively sipping the hot tea, he made a face, accidently burning his tongue on the scalding liquid.
"Well, you've gotta make another song," came the garbled the reply.
"I'm trying." Shawn was only half listening, keeping his answers to two or one worded responses. He glanced out the window, wishing Camilla was there with him. But she was on her year-long Cinderella contract, and he was alone for now.
"I'm thinking a smart song, like..." The rest of his words were drowned out by the pounding in his head. Paying full attention to the phone again, he sat down at the kitchen's island.
"Pardon me?"
"I'm thinking of a song with your friend, Justin Bieber."
"Sure." Leaning back a bit, he tapped a beat with his finger. "We'll see."
"I'll pull a few strings. Start thinking of lyrics."
"I've got an idea," Shawn said, going through the short phrases in his head.
"Write it down, don't lose them. We don't want a repeat of last years disaster."
"No, we don't," Shawn agreed, laughing a little. It was good to let go. The pounding in his head softened a bit. Ending the call, he stared up at the high ceilings of the empty house, singing a song to break the endless silence.
"I wonder... if I'm being real..." He stood up, walking the length of the room and picking up his guitar, moving to the couch.
"Do I speak the truth, or do I filter how I feel,...
"I wonder... wouldn't it be nice? To live inside a world that isn't black and white,
"I wonder what it's like to be my friends..." He paused, knowing his voice was going to crack.
"Hoping that they don't think I'll forget about them..." True to his thoughts, his voice cracked, and gradually quieted.
"I wonder... I wonder,"
"Right before I close my eyes." His voice cracked again at the high pitch.
"The only thing that's on my mind,
"Been dreaming that you feel it too,
"I wonder what it's like to be loved by you,
"Yeahahh." He stopped, and stood, letting his guitar fall softly to the couch with a gentle thump. His voice hadn't been so terrible since Brazil. "I wonder what it's like," he murmured, gently touching the floor to ceiling glass windows. "I wonder what it's like to be loved by..." He swallowed thickly, tracing a heart on the smooth surface. "I wonder, why I'm so afraid, of saying something wrong, I never said I was a saint." Closing his eyes, he felt the world turn around them, his stomach clenching and unclenching like a fist. "I wonder, when I cry into my hands... I'm conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a man, and I wonder if some day you'll be by my side, and tell me that the world will end up alright."
He opened his eyes again, dropping to the couch, and strumming gently on the guitar.
"I wonder, I wonder..."
"Right before I close-" His voice broke off, and he stared at the light on the ceiling. "-my eyes." His voice was raspy, and he leaned his head against the wall of windows behind him as he felt a flashback making it's way through his head.
Darkness cloaked the street with shadows, though the occasional overhead light pushed back some of the light. He sat on a bench, scrolling through emails, waiting for his friend to come out of the library. He sat, holding the leash to the dog, as the shadows moved, the cars' headlights making them dance. He shivered suddenly, looking down.
To his horror, the black and white dog was eating something off the ground. Jumping up, he pushed the dog's muzzle away. He noticed a bunch of white things on the ground. Almost like a large nut. Macadamia nuts! He sat back down, keeping a leg between the dog and the nuts, but the dog started to wheeze. Her breathing became labored.
Heart slamming against his ribs, Shawn bent. The task had been so simple. 'Watch my dog while I check out a book from the library.' And he had screwed it all up. The dog looked scared, and Shawn had a feeling it mirrored his own face. His own breathing came out in soft pants, and he glanced at the ground again. He was positively sure they were macadamia nuts. Pulling his phone out of his jean pocket, he quickly typed in 'Is Macadamia nuts fatal to dogs?'
His hands were shaking, as he pulled up a website that read 'Macadamia nuts are toxic'-
The flashback cut off, and Shawn was glad. Swells of guild built up in his chest, before crashing over him. Things like that had happened many times before. He had pretended to be a normal teenager and ruined everything. He dragged a hand down his face, closing his eyes and willing everything to be okay. Willing himself to feel normal. Willing himself to be happy again.
"The only thing that's on my mind..."
"Been dreaming that you feel it too,"
"I wonder what it's like to be loved by you."
YOU ARE READING
In My Blood
General Fiction(Completely clean story, a tiny bit of fluff) Some people just aren't meant for this type of life. A life where everyone knows your name. A life where you sing in front of millions. Where you inspire billions. It seems as if Shawn Mendes was built i...
