Kim's Wife

Chapter 36

JISOO

"I am here."

She sits down beside me wearing a blue tuxedo and pants and a white polo inside. She looks stunning. She smells amazing. She gave me a small smile before she orders herself a drink.

"So? I'm a busy person, Jisoo." She said.

Yeah. I know. You love working. More than anything in this world.

"I already let go of Soojoo." I told her. Her small smile slowly fades away. Her warm hand touches my shoulder which made me shiver. I looked at her beautiful eyes and could only see a concern look.

"W-Why? Are you okay?" She asked in a concern tone.

"Y-Yeah, I guess." I sip on my wine and bitterly smile. "Another failed relationship." I told her. She looked so guilty and ashamed and chose to look away. "But, that's okay. This is nothing." I chuckled.

"You don't have to pretend that you're okay even if you are not." She said. "I am sorry, Jisoo."

"For what?" I looked at her. "For not telling me that you knew that my girlfriend is already engaged?" I sarcastically asked.

"I know you're mad at me Jisoo. You have every right to be mad at me. But I hope you understand that I didn't tell you because I don't want to meddle with your relationship. Even if I really wanted to tell you since you are still my wife." she explained. "Even if I wanted to tell you so that you'll realize that I still love you and you should go back to me." I saw her eyes become teary eyed for a moment, but she quickly wiped it and smiled. "But that would be so selfish.. right?"

I gulped. I don't know how to react. What should I say? I know I love her. I still love her. But the pain is still here. The trauma. All the words she spits out when she's mad. All the hurtful words she said when I failed. And to think that, one moment in her life... she didn't care about what would I feel. I know I did my best, but for her it's all nothing and a waste.

"If I could only say sorry to you before. If only I could go back in time and hug you for giving me the strength, motivation, and for not giving up on me. For not leaving my side, even if I lose my morals and hurt your feelings. If only I could thank you enough for loving and accepting me for who I am.." Tears fell from my eyes when she said that. As if my heart finally breathe peacefully. "I am deeply sorry Jisoo. I fucked up... again. I know I will forever regret for losing you completely in my life... But I know that would be so selfish.."

"Jennie..."

"You're free Jisoo..." she wiped her tears and smiled. "I have already talked to my lawyer. Let me know when you are free to sign the papers."

She opened the palm of my hand and handed me a white long envelope. Then, she stood up. Walked away.

She... walked away.

From my life.. again.

•••

"The fuck, you are really a wasted human being!"

I just let Lisa kick all my things from the floor as I leaned my back on the wall, facing the busy cars, busy people and crazy night life of Seoul. I will be back to my own life next week. Soojoo will no longer be with me. I will be back to Europe, alone.

I just don't get it. I know I am hurt that Soojoo made me look like a fool throughout our relationship. But, what makes my heart ache more is that...

Jennie is finally letting me go.

"Girl, she's so toxic for you. You need to know that and save it to your tiny brain!" Lisa scolded me. She sits down on the floor beside me and sighed heavily. "You're so fucked up. You can't go to Europe like that! You really need a rest!" she exclaimed.

"I don't know. I feel like I am back to zero again." I said and sips on my beer.

"What do you feel right now?" she asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Pain?" I chuckled. "But.. It just feels so amazing that she apologized, you know? What happened to us before was traumatic. It hurt me a lot. You know that."

"Yeah," she replied. "Cause I saw you crying and breaking down at every bar at Europe. People will just stare at us as if we are crazy people that got out from mental hospital." she said and chuckled.

"That.. that really hurt me a lot. I thought, focusing on my own happiness and life will make me forget that. But I guess, it still buried in here. Not until she apologized yesterday." I smiled.

"Sometimes, we all just need to hear them say sorry for us to feel better. Because you know? It's nice to know that they realized that they are wrong and they are guilty about it. Then after that, we can finally move on and be free."

Free?

"You're free Jisoo..."

"She said... that.. that I am free." I sobbed.

"Fuck." Lisa shakes her head and stare in front of us, thinking.

"Should I be happy, Lisa?" I looked at her while holding the mug of beer on my right hand.

She looks at me, looking so unhappy. She slowly nods her head. "I know it's hard for you Jisoo. But, if it is meant to be.. it will be. You can be happy on your own Jisoo. I know you still love her, but you have to heal yourself. Just for once Jisoo. I am begging you... Choose yourself, for once." She holds my hand and move my head on her shoulder.

I cried and cried that night with Lisa.

I know to myself that I still love my wife. I want to stay with her and to grow old with her. But, our relationship was so toxic. Very toxic to the point that... we have to let each other go.

I love you Jennie.

But, I have to let you go.

Even I know it will shatter my heart and my soul.

thank you for 22k!

and i'm back after how many months. sorry for the late update! being a med student is hard and it always consumes my time.