This life

I'm Alive You Know

He didn't talk to me again.. Why didn't he talk to me again?! What did I do wrong? God, and I was starting to think maybe he could be my friend or maybe he liked me. But of course I'm still that reject and a hot guy like him could not be seen with me...That makes me feel so good about myself.

I argue with myself on the bus ride to school. Part of me is saying , He just wanted to play you. Then the nicer half of me is saying "he is a good person but he just doesn't want you to get hurt." And frankly I don't like either of those answers. I want him to want me, to not be ashamed of me, to not care that I'm a reject.. Yeah, your a reject. Those words keep screaming over and over in my head. An it hurts. It hurts really bad but its the truth. The coldest and hardest of truths. I just have to accept it. Then the bus comes to a stop and I'm at school.

I walk into my 'favorite' place ever. As soon as I walk in I am hit with the cute couples making out on their lockers fulfilling their fantasys of what they imagined highshool like, the pervy guys comparing girls butts as they walk down the hallways, then theres the people like me. They really have no where to belong but they also aren't as clumsy, rejected, or desperate as me. Then I see him and my heart skips a beat but he hasn't talked to me so I keep my head down and move hastily towards my locker. I don't like being used. No matter how hot or perfect he is I'm sure as hell not going to be known as that freshman slut who let the jock use her because she was desperate. Hell no. Not in a million years.

As I'm walking he sees me and calls my name but I ignore him and keep walking. Its for the better Anna this will keep you from being hurt. I hate how right my head is right now. I know my head is being smart right now but then he grabs my arm. I turn around shocked and say "Let go of me! You stupid lier!" The words fall out before I could catch them. I bite my lip immediatly regret what I have just said. Fear struck I turn around and walk away. I caught a glimpse of the shocked look on his face as I turned away. I feel a huge knot of guilt in my stomach. I hurry and grab my books from my locker and rush to language arts. I sit there for 5 minutes before class starts with my face burried in my arms that are resting on my desk.

Just my luck. The jerk desides to sits right next to me. I turn to him and say,"I'd appreciate if you sat somewhere else because if you could not tell from earlier I don't want to be around you. Much appreciated. Thank you." I give him a fake smile. He just sits there and stares at me. "Fine" I say. I'll move if you dont have the common deccensy to. He starts to speak but I walk away before he has the chance.

I think I'm going to cry. I hate the decision I've just made' I really want to sit by him now and I want him to make an effort to talk to me now. Now he definitely won't text me. I can't concentrate so I get a hall pass and go to the bathroom. In the bathroom I just stand there and stare at myself in the mirror. I want to cry I feel like I'm worthless and I really just want to go home to the comfort of my best friend: my bed and music. But I can't because I'd need to have a fever or have gotten sick and moms not stupid. She wouldn't come pick me up. It's going to be a hella long day.

I make it through algebra, health, lunch, phys ed, and world history. But of course I miss the bus. I get to walk home. It looks like it's going to storm. Great! I get to have a terrible day, walk home, and have it rain on me on top of all that. Just fantastic. Then Sean drives by me in his clean and shiny blue grey truck. "Want a ride?"