Chapter 1 "My life in a stained and violent memory"

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"Saffron...r-run." He tried to scream, but his words were tinged with desperation.

The smell of dampness surrounded me as his voice rose around me, pulling me out of the haze I was immersed in; ragged, smelly, wounded, and beaten, so were his voices, accompanied by the smell our bodies give off. The wood burned my feet, sweat ran down my back in thick drops and viscous blood ran down my temples.

I turned my face and saw his body. I couldn't distinguish well the thick liquid that covered him, I tried to focus my gaze, and when I did, I saw his black hair full of blood and his blue eyes, that before I thought they were the happiest, now they were full of pain. As I watched the life leave his body, I felt hands on my breasts that were slowly going down, I closed my legs, but it was as if I couldn't control my own body, I could only feel but not move.

I couldn't fight.

«I need help» I had to scream. I couldn't.

I saw the summary of my life in a stained and violent memory.

I open my eyes, lost in the darkness of the room I sit up straight against the headboard as I feel my heart beating a mile a minute, in the darkness I fumble to turn on the lamp on the nightstand and take a deep breath as the room floods with light.

"It was just a dream," I tell myself in a trembling voice, like a mantra forgotten in time. "Breathe, just breathe."

"Are you all right?" I tried not to scream, fragments of the night before flooding my mind as I looked at his face, I nod, staring at the marks on his chest. Wild night, I guess.

A flash of his name appears in front of me, but for the life of me I can't remember why I let him spend the night he lays his head on the pillow and within seconds I hear his snoring, which for some reason gives me peace of mind.

I stand up slowly, pull the sheets off my naked body, walk slowly to my bathroom trying not to wake up the stranger in the middle of my bed, lock the door, look at my face in the mirror, and can only see the terror in my eyes, my lips are swollen. A shiver runs through my body.

It was just a dream, Saffron.

I make a cup of coffee because I know I might no longer doze off. I open the door to the laundry room and the huge Siberian husky dog lifts his huge black and white head and sees me, and suddenly I'm cheered by his presence, perhaps it may be loneliness or the wickedness where my nightmares dwell.

At seventeen, I began to starve. I was given the idea that love was a kind of abyss, and at least then I understood the hunger I felt, and I didn't have to call it loneliness.

I look at myself in the mirror hoping to know my truths through my eyes "Tell me what you need" The answer I already knew, yet I keep whispering to myself "oh, you look so free. The way you use your body..."

I thought oblivion was in the drugs, but the more I took, the more it snatched me away, and I could never get enough.

I thought oblivion was in the bar, you throw yourself into the arms of strangers, unafraid you might find love, and then you try to find a home with people, bored, drawing flags. Oh, and I'm alone. Drawing fouls and looking at my phone.

And it's Monday morning, it's starting to show, and I can't get dressed, they'll crucify me. "Oh, but you and all your vibrant youth, how could anything bad ever happen to you" You tease death with your beauty, and for a moment, I forget to care.

I dropped on the couch like a stiff.

When I open my eyes, I see a still-naked Kevin walking down the stairs. He walks towards me and kisses me.

"Good morning, beautiful." His mouth inches from mine.

"Good morning." I jump up and hand him his pants. "I think you should get dressed; I'll pour you a cup of coffee."

He nods, looking around, and I walk to the kitchen, reach into the top drawers and pull out two mugs and pour us coffee. As he comes out of the room already dressed, I hold out the coffee cup for him, we sit on stools facing each other, he looks at me so closely, I start to feel uncomfortable.

"Uhm... Don't you have to go to work?" I ask hurriedly and then squirm in my chair because it sounded wrong. "I'm sorry, not that I'm kicking you out, but I have to go too."

"Don't worry. I have to go, give me your phone number so we can meet another day."

"Oh, you don't have to do that, I don't want a repeat, and I'm fine with that." I look him straight in the eye, trying to look nice, but I just feel desperate for him to leave.

"You made it clear last night, but I thought after the night we had, you know, that might change." He gives me a confused look.

I look at him trying not to blush, the truth is I don't remember much, the bruises on my body and the scratches on his already say enough, and yet here I am, blank.

"Thank you, but it's like I told you, I have to go," I said, walking to my room. "Close the door when you leave."

I see my phone on the nightstand and walk over to it, as I turn it on, I hear the door slam. I check my phone. I have three messages.

Autumn: Good morning, flower. How did it go with the demigod?

Autumn: If I brought you a slice of chocolate cake, would you forgive me?

Saffron: The odds are against you.

Lisa Alba: I sent you a box with Ryan, there are some of your old things, diaries, and some pictures. Maybe I might come visit you and spend the day together, daughter. I miss you, Saffron.

By the time I close the door of my house and step into the wind and sound of Chicago, I let it fill me completely.

This; the people, the bustle, the cold was part of why I moved here, no one can recognize me. I stare at the shelves as I walk.

I am suddenly surprised because someone grabs me by the waist and spins me around, impacting with a hard surface, preparing to throw a punch, I hear a bicycle speeding against the pavement and someone shouting 'Sorry', still lost I look up and find a blond beard and two blue eyes that paralyze me.

I look the werewolf up and down, he must be at least six feet tall, he's about twice my build, and you can tell that where I'm soft and watery, he's hard and muscular. He has a sort of bun down, trying against all nature to hold up his blond hair. I notice his beard looking wild as he runs his fingers through it. When I get to his eyes again, flashbacks come to mind. His smile. His gaze...

"I love you."

I jump off his arm and run as fast as I can to the publishing house. I enter my office without greeting anyone, close the door and collapse into my chair.

"I love you," he says, his voice low for his age, but with such sincerity in his eyes. I jump on his arms and crash my mouth against his, we separate to take a breath, but I can only see his eyes and the way he looks at me. "Am I that irresistible, Bucky?"

"Breath, it wasn't him, just breathe." I say to myself, my voice cracking. "His eyes..."

"What eyes," Simone says, entering my office, almost knocking me to the floor with fright. "Are you okay? I'm sorry."

"I'm fine, bring me a coffee please." She leaves as soon as she hears my tone of voice. Knowing that when I talk that way, she shouldn't bother me with her questions, I think everyone at the publishing house knows that it's why Simone has lasted so long as my secretary.

I see some manuscripts on my desk, and I start working, trying to forget the eyes of the stranger. Reading some emails from the CEO of the publishing house. He wants a meeting with all the staff and needs my help. I head to his office, all the way with that look stuck in my mind, which look that is reminding me that I am the villain of this story, the killer in disguise...

A fair warning... you should run away now while you can.

I just pray those eyes don't come back to haunt me.


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