The stag hunt with the scarlet heart

Chapter 18 "Words, time or touches... They aren't things of age"

This last year the train station has become my favorite place, I think it's the place where I can really be myself and Atlas can be him, and we can both be together, maybe it's too romantic of me, I don't know, maybe I'm fantasizing about a fairy tale, but I wish I had a happy ending. Yesterday was Atlas' birthday. It was one of those days when life is less sad, one of those days I'll remember when I'm at my lowest when loneliness won't let me breathe and his arms aren't there to take the pain away from my bones.

I think my guts are still aching from the strain I put on them all day, but his smile was worth it, and even though we didn't have much money to organize something big, it turned out wonderful, everyone at school helped, but Autumn, Ryan, and I wanted to do something intimate, so we decided to organize something at the train station, even though the party would be at the lake where the train tracks end and no one would see the smoke from the bonfire, or hear the music, or the screams.

We spent the whole night before decorating the place, we used all the Christmas lights we had from our houses, we bought balloons and posters, we cleaned the place until it was decent, it never looked better, although it was abandoned, it felt like a shelter, which it was, but now it was cozy.

Atlas teased me all the way to the station, but the cold made us stick together.

Autumn and Ryan came out to surprise him, although the look of amazement was already on his face for our work with the place, a smile between loving and incredulous was drawn on his features, he came closer to me and took me in his arms using his body to cover mine. His lips on my ear made me shiver, or maybe it was his words:

"You're really wonderful, Bucky. If I love you more, I'm gonna die. I'm too damn pretty to die."

"Ugh... After this, I'm declaring myself bisexual." Ryan's voice made us look away from each other.

From then on it got better and better, we couldn't separate even if we wanted to, and one by one the three bottles of wine were drunk, and we ended up tipsy as hell.

At the time of the gifts it was quite tense for me, when he opened the box my hands were shaking as he took out the black leather notebook and read those words 'so you can write everything you can't say, and the weight of the words will not torment you, with love Saffron' He smiled at me, I knew he needed it I had seen some of his drawings and sheets scattered in his room, full of entries or thoughts.

After we danced and our friends made fun of us and made cheesy noises when our lips touched, we went to the party at the lake, everyone was there, everyone saw us holding hands, everyone saw how he never separated from me, how in every song we were both one and nothing else mattered because in the world it was just us.

"Bucky, I think I love you."

I could feel my heart tearing up, strangely enough, it kept on beating.

I think I cried out in pain, but I couldn't tell where exactly it resided, was it in my chest or in my stomach? My whole torso ached, it was so overwhelming, I felt hands on me, cold and small hands, a thin body hugging me because mine was shaking to escape this situation, these memories.

Ryan ran towards us, pulling Autumn away from me, I stood up as best I could and hobbled to the window to open it, but the pain didn't feel mental, it was so physical I fell over and touched my stomach, I heard a beeping I thought it was coming from them, their voices trying to tell me it wasn't real or was it the moaning coming from me, at this point, I could only hear his voice.

I ended up in Ryan's arms after letting everything out that was in my stomach, I didn't even feel the gagging or the sounds coming out of my mouth that left an itch in my throat.